Honestly do you judge teen mothers?

[Willialwaysbelookeddownon]

I had my first son a month before I turned 17, and despite really trying at mum and baby groups I was always shut out of conversations and never taken seriously. I was lucky that I wasn't dropped by any of my friends but they never had children of their own and I was quite often isolated.
I am now engaged, pursued the career I wanted and have another DS.
A girl on our road is pregnant at 16 and my heart very much goes out to her. She's seem so very lonely.
So my question is, do you judge young mums? Would you be less inclined to speak to a mum at a mother/baby group because they were say 16?

They say that the "secrets" to preventing teen pregnancy (also criminal behaviour or drug abuse) are

Aspiration (when kids have better plans)
&
Self-esteem (when they know they deserve a good life)

Plenty of teens with aspirations and high self esteem end up pregnant

SongforSal

I'm reporting your duplicate posts because they'll delete the extras. You might want to as well.

Willialwaysbelookeddownon

I'm surprised you're surprised tbh. I assumed you were asking in good faith for a range of opinions. Having said that, I didn't go to a fancy private school. I grew up in a working class area, saw a lot of deprivation and poverty and worked my way up through education to where I am today. Maybe if I'd had mummy and daddy paying my way through a better education than most of the country can afford, I'd feel blase about it too.

not some chav teenager from the • back of beyond who got up the duff. Sorry but I tell it how it is.

Apple and you say I was rude?! That was the last thing English said.

Check yourself before you mess yourself dude.

FizzBombBathTime

That was rude but her rude comment followed yours. Why can't we keep this relatively civil?

Why on earth are people so conceited they think they have the right to judge others. Nobodys perfect !

Because, Apple she had already been rude.

I wasn't being rude anyway. Simply saying it as it is.

Apple mummy and daddy were 21 and 23 when they had me. Mummy worked two jobs and daddy worked very long hours, because they believed private would be best for their children. We went without holidays and other things so I could do so. My sisters have scholarships.
Oh, and we lived in a council flat which they then got right to buy.
The second school I went to was in the area in which we lived and barely scraped Ofsted's.
I have experience of both sides.
I'm not saying ALL teenage mums are like me or are all bad. I wanted opinions you are right but I am also allowed to disagree with your opinion.

Yes I do judge. I was born to teenage parents. Didn't work out well at all so I've always had a very one sided view but even with age and maturity, I still think its a bad idea. Are there really that many contraceptive failures? I thought condoms and the pill were pretty reliable so I'm always a tad skeptical. I know someone in her 20's who has been pregnant 8 times and she says most were contraception failure. Actually when she went through it, it wasnt, she just didn't bother to take the pill properly so it failed a lot but she'll still say it doesn't work for her.

My cousin got pregnant as a teen, on purpose, no intention of ever working. She's lost interest in her child now she realises how hard it is and would rather spend her money on her nails whilst moaning she hasn't got enough money to feed her child. Another cousin got girls pregnant when they were all teens, he won't win any parenting awards and he lives off benefits and refuses to get a job. There may be many people on here that say they were teens, studied, were still high achievers etc etc but it's not something I've ever really come across in RL. I think MN often has a skewed view. In my school year there were well over 20 girls (that's just the ones I knew about) that got pregnant while we were at school. No way is that all contraception failures and they are stupid to purposely get pregnant at such a young age when they haven't finished growing themselves.

But OP, I wouldn't have actually made any of this known to you, at a toddler group, I would have kept it to myself. However I wouldn't have gone out of my way to speak to you because I never approach someone first and only generally speak to people I know, or if they approach me first. Which has nothing to do with you being a teenage mum.

I would be disappointed if my DD got pregnant as a teen or if my DS got someone pregnant as a teen, and I will tell them that beforehand. I'd support them (I was always told that if I ever came home pregnant I would be kicked out straight away) if it happened but they will know beforehand that I'd rather they did everything they could to prevent it happening in the first place and certainly not actively try to get pregnant, like many I have known did.

I don't judge teen parents at all, I had my first at 20 and although not a teen it was still very young in comparison to all of the other women in the antenatal clinics etc. I'd always make sure I wore my smart coat and heels with my hair etc neat for going to clinic and refer to my partner as 'little ones dad' when talking to others as I was so concerned about how others saw me. There is 6 year age gap between my DC's and even now I field the obvious 'different dad?' Questions when people work out my age in relation to when I had children. It can get wearing. DD wasn't a planned pregnancy but 14 years later we're still together and married and very happy but I do find I feel myself having to justify my earlier life choices 🙄

Young parents have it sussed in many respects, young enough to cope with the lack of sleep, the change in routine, the never really having had much cash so having less is coped with better, less set in their ways and more adaptable to the upheaval that a baby brings, bodies designed to labour and bounce back quickly and the ability to start and commit to a career path without having the disruption of starting a family!

I remember very clearly having the conversation with my mum-who, incidentally, I would have expected to be just as judgemental and appalled as some of the people on this thread until it happened-and I asked her if she cared what other people would think (at this point she was, like I later became, a headteacher). It's not often that something somebody says to you sticks word for word, but this did. She said, quite simply, 'the people that matter won't mind. The people who mind don't matter.' I've never forgotten that. Judgements and nastiness and pearl clutching may work for you, until it IS you.

OP, if people are the type to judge you, for anything, without knowing you, that doesn't matter. Ignore. You don't need it. You live, and let them live. If people will not fraternise with you because you have a child and you are young, think carefully-whose loss is that? I'm pretty sure it's not yours, they'll, no doubt be sure it's not theirs.

thebaker that was a really lovely post. Thank you.

Middle class teens get pregnant just as often as the "chavs" Apple is judging, they just have terminations so no one knows (so told to me by a consultant obstetrician)

I met people like English and Apple when I had DS at 18, they made their feelings known with sneers and whispers. Now, a decade later when I am educated and home owning and married and having children at an appropriate age they are all 'ohhhhh ooooooohhhhhh ahhhhh you just don't seem the type' like I should be grateful that I 'don't seem the type'
And for the record I steer my DC away from socialising with their offspring as they are right, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

SongforSal
I KNOW you were a young mother. That's why I wrote that! D'oh!