...to think if abortion was illegal I may be dead

[Woman1980]

I've name changed as I still feel a lot of shame on this issue. Just listened to the discussion of abortion on Woman's Hour.

I was with my exH from the age of 14, got pregnant at 15 and (very much against my will) was coerced into an abortion by my parents. I had a Very much wanted DC at 17. When DC was 14 months I found I was pregnant again; exH & I had planned a sibling for DC. Some weeks later exH changed his mind; I went to the scan on my own, baby was 13.5 weeks and I went home to tell exH that I was going ahead with pg it was too late for a surgical abortion. Eventually he convinced me that he would leave me and I would ruin dc's life and I rang family planning clinic at 16 weeks distraught to arrange termination. I went alone and was left alone until the baby was out. I desperately wanted to see the baby and know the sex, but kept silent to keep up the pretence. I completely blocked it for a few years, but as dc got older I walked my missing child to school with dc everyday too ifykwim.
Both times it was clear (I'm pretty sure) that it was not my choice. However, I still totally support the right to abortion and think that perhaps I may have been forced into an unsafe abortion if the law was different. I just feel that the "pro life" movement is nothing of the sort and I cannot begin to understand it.
Does anyone else have similar experiences?

Do both or neither.... I'd vote neither.

I come from a country where abortion used to be illegal. There were lots of backstreet and illegal abortions. Some went well,but many ended with the woman dead,disabled or unable to conceive for life. They were only available to women/girls that had money though. The poor,would go for diy options,coat hangers, throwing themselves down the stairs. There were thousands and thousands of babies abandoned on the maternity ward,in dumpsters,in the woods etc. The babies that survived? Most of them were raised in orphanages,in inhumane conditions. Perfectly healthy babies at birth,that in a few years would have physical disabilities and/or mental health conditions,due to lack of resources(2 yos still in cots with no room to stretch or crawl for example) ,lack of human interaction,bad food etc. Some of them are still institutionalised now as adults as they can't function in the outside world.The ones kept by the mothers,the majority ended up being abused one way or another. A very tiny minority were adopted and went on to live happy fulfilling lives.

I come to this from a different side. If abortion was legal,then i would be dead. And you know what? That would've been preferable to an orphanage. Sometimes i wonder if it wouldn't have been preferable to years of emotional and physical abuse from my adoptive mother. It makes me so angry that a whole generation of women and children were maimed physically,mentally and emotionally because some wanker of a man decided abortion should be illegal.

RebelRogue.

I am in my 60's. As a teen at school one of my classmates and her sister lived with their Aunt. Their Mother (a widow) had died as a result of a back street abortion, she became pregnant with no "visible man" around and in those days the 1960's , there was no option.
Watch the original film of Alfie (starring Michael Caine) do we really want to go back to those days??
No woman should be so desperate that she risks her life.
There has to be choice.

Fuckoff thank you. I'm not looking for sympathy. But I do believe a lot of pro lifers come from a side where they have never experienced the true implications of abortion being illegal. Either because they are men, or women who are too young or geographically lucky not to have lived in a country like that.

I'm probably not allowed to due to graphic content, but i wish i could post some photos and then dare anyone that sees them if they still believe any life is better than no life.

"Calling them anti choice or forced birthers" but that's what they are surely? They'd rather women have no choice and are forced to carry a baby until their body gives birth. The same movement backs making abortion drugs illegal - meaning women with miscarriages that haven't expelled are forced to carry a dead baby, looking pregnant (and dealing with well meaning comments) until their body catches up. (My 1st baby died at 13 weeks and I had to carry him until 19 weeks). They'd rather women die than abort a baby and would rather put a baby with severe abnormalities who will not survive, through birth only to die. Causing huge emotional harm to both parents. They aren't pro-life or they'd realise that making abortion illegal only endangers women and children. I personally don't think I'd abort a baby in the circumstances I'm in now - but I am extremely lucky in that I can make that choice instead of someone making that choice for me.

I understood entirely, rebel - your post was clearly not written to seek sympathy. It was moving and had me in tears, for all the women who suffered and the children. It's horrific. So unimaginably horrific. I'm very glad you posted, it needs to be said.

RebelRogue your post was so saddening. But you're spot on. This is something that many from a "Pro-life" stance don't seem to consider. Is the kind of life that they are trying to inflict upon some people.
:(

I'm Irish, living in Ireland. The debate has been raging here for decades. I was 17 and a virgin when the X case kicked it all off and I remember the black censor squares in the backs of all the magazines blocking out advertisements for family planning clinics in the UK. I will have hit menopause before the issue is resolved here.

I am very lucky that any baby I conceived was planned and wanted. But our maternity and antenatal care here is influenced by the legislation that enshrines the right to life. It's a legal quandary for medics and one that often leads them to adopt a do-nothing approach which endangers women. Savita was one case, though there have been many other sad situations.

Abortion should be safe, legal, affordable and ideally, rare. It should be a discussion between a woman and her doctor. Not men like Trump or Pence sitting down in an office to decide.
Sex education, affordable reliable methods of contraception should be available to all.

I just feel like people on here get jumped on just for saying they are pro life xx
That's because their opinion endangers women's rights. Whether or not you're a campaigner is irrelevant , why on earth would you stand in judgement on another woman's body? What gives you that right? What gives anybody the right to say actually, no you cannot terminate this pregnancy. As I said further up the thread, you have no way of knowing the individual circumstances of others, ergo, you have no right to judge. In conclusion, yes, they're getting jumped on, they want to put women's lives in jeopardy, why would any right thinking person support that?

rebel

boopsy being pro life means you think a woman shouldn't abort for any reason at all and that's an incredibly damaging view for all of the reasons given on this thread and more.
So again I stand by my opinion on pro lifers.

Oh and the other wankers - the ones who are for abortions in cases of rape or FFA, they can fuck off as well. They bleat on about a baby being innocent and should not be murdered except in cases of rape or FFA. They are even worse. There are a lot of them in Ireland.

To them, its all about the comeuppance for women who have sex lives, it's punishment for being a slut doing slutty stuff. The nice married women who need to terminate a FFA, or the young girl who was raped, sure. We'll allow you to terminate your equally innocent and precious pregnancy. Because those reasons were not your fault. But the woman who has a contraceptive failure? Nope. No abortion for you.

At least pro-lifers are consistent in the courage of their convictions.

The "it's ok if it's rape" line is a red herring. Thinking logically,how would that work? Most rapes go unreported,out of those reported very few get a conviction. Trials can take ages (several pregnancies sometimes). So would a doctor just take a woman's word for it? Require a police report? A conviction? It's bullshit!!! A pretty line to seem nicer than they are,with no further thought of how or if it would even work.

Exactly Rebel. A recent rape case I know of took 3 years to process through the courts.

Three. Years.

Even if the victim had been allowed to continue with any resultant pregnancy at the point where the man was arrested and formally charged, she would have been at least very late stages of pregnancy or even newborn stage.

Can I just chime in on the "it's only ok if it was rape" line aswell. Firstly why the FUCK should a woman have to be physically violated before getting the right to decide what she does with her fucking uterus ?!

jaysis well put - kind of proves that it's not the baby's potential life that they give a shit about really, just controlling woman who dare to have sex for a reason that isn't conception. The men get off Scott free obviously.

The men get off Scott free obviously.

Well of course they do, how many times do we hear that it's her own fault or that she made her bed so now she has to lie in it or that she has gotten herself into trouble?

It's almost like men play absolutely no part in conception.

Prompto or my favourite one "if she's old enough to have sex,she's old enough to take responsibility for the consequences ".

Yup.

It all boils down to pregnancy being a punishment for daring to have sex. Risk of health problems, permanent disability, major abdominal surgery and death (because women still do die in childbirth) followed by eighteen years childrearing and all of the financial, emotional, social and career changes that go with it.

That'll learn them, those slags.

Prompto

I don't understand how anyone who understands the concept of putting yourself in another person's shoes can be anti abortion. Especially men.

Because male or female, some among us have no empathy and no sense.

There really is no third way about this, is there? It's not even entirely a matter of gender; whether a woman has an abortion is no business of any man, but it's no business of any other woman either. It's a democratic decision with only one qualified voter.

(There may indeed be cases where the father is anxious to be a father and would make a good one. Very sad for him. But it doesn't affect the principle. He still doesn't get a say.)

It's not bloody rocket science, is it, people?

Thanks for your post Rebel. It feels to me that many think abortion is only used by "slutty" students or young women about town in affluent white countries who just don't want the inconvenience of a baby, forgetting that it saves lives and is absolutely vital in many, many countries.

Just think - in Ireland abortion is actually illegal.

I guess this thread is based on what's happening in the US - but it's important to point out that a) the bill has to be approved by senate first and b) it isn't outlawing abortions - it's just removing funding for them by insurance companies. So there would still potentially be private options (albeit I would imagine the bill would impact people already living in poverty greatly)

Regarding your OP - I can't see any positives of outlawing abortion - you could take the fluffy view that there would be lots of lovely cuddly new babies for adoption, but the reality is the care system would be stretched beyond breaking point, adoption agencies would struggle and potentially not have time to provide correct matches, and those living in poverty who keep the unwanted children would just end up further down the poverty line. Socially it could even increase crime rates, not to mention death rates in mothers seeking them illegally.

I find the whole topic incredibly sad.

NameChange I don't think this is about the US. The OP posted about her own experiences prompted by a Woman's Hour programme about it being 50 years since the Abortion Act.