...to think if abortion was illegal I may be dead

[Woman1980]

I've name changed as I still feel a lot of shame on this issue. Just listened to the discussion of abortion on Woman's Hour.

I was with my exH from the age of 14, got pregnant at 15 and (very much against my will) was coerced into an abortion by my parents. I had a Very much wanted DC at 17. When DC was 14 months I found I was pregnant again; exH & I had planned a sibling for DC. Some weeks later exH changed his mind; I went to the scan on my own, baby was 13.5 weeks and I went home to tell exH that I was going ahead with pg it was too late for a surgical abortion. Eventually he convinced me that he would leave me and I would ruin dc's life and I rang family planning clinic at 16 weeks distraught to arrange termination. I went alone and was left alone until the baby was out. I desperately wanted to see the baby and know the sex, but kept silent to keep up the pretence. I completely blocked it for a few years, but as dc got older I walked my missing child to school with dc everyday too ifykwim.
Both times it was clear (I'm pretty sure) that it was not my choice. However, I still totally support the right to abortion and think that perhaps I may have been forced into an unsafe abortion if the law was different. I just feel that the "pro life" movement is nothing of the sort and I cannot begin to understand it.
Does anyone else have similar experiences?

DMnamechanger no worries - it's a very tough topic!

and when the baby is born, they don't care if it's raised in extreme poverty or abuse as long as it's born and they win.

Yes, this. They're utter arseholes.

OP

I don't believe in abortions after 12 weeks (seeing my fully formed baby at my 12 week scan changed that for me).

But if you'd had a scan at 11 weeks wouldn't the baby have looked formed then too? Does the external appearance of the foetus correlate with their brain development, awareness, sensory development? If the legal limit was moved back to 12 weeks - forcing women to make quick decisions, and potentially some women not knowing they are pregnant yet (young teens, close to menopause, those with 'chaotic lifestyles', failed contraception), there would need to be a far better reason than the foetus having the external outline of a baby

There is a pictrue which keeps popping up on my Facebook feed today. It's Donald Trump signing dpcuments with a group of men. The caption is

"As long as you live you'll never see a photograph of 7 women signing legislation about what men can do with their reproductive organs"

Hugs OP.
That is awful. Just the idea of pro life being ANTI CHOICE. is appalling to me.
I had an abortion when I was raped by a cousin when I was 13. Could not imagine having a 12 year old child with me now. It was the saddest thing I could of done, but for the best I think... for the baby anyway if not for me.

The worst thing is the taboo. The family that do know never mention it and everyone is just polite to each other, no one talks about how my female cousin LEFT THE ROOM. Even though she heard me saying no.

Pro-forced-birthers are arseholes. They're not concerned with the life of the "baby", they're concerned with virtue-signalling and "Aren't I wonderful, defending the unborn" and bullshit like that.

I saw a fantastic quote the other day; "A fetus inhabits a woman's body by permission, not by right", and that sums up by views. A woman should never be reduced to an incubator.

I was pregnant at 19 and unsure what to do. I posted on here and said I didn't want an abortion, I'd look into adoption instead. I was steered towards the Adoption boards, where some of the ladies who've adopted on there were honest with me about the process of relinquishing a baby, and I immediately stopped any thought of that - it's not the "sunshine and daisies" experience it's made out to be by anti-choicers.

As early as possible, as late as necessary.

OP

NC obvs.

Will people please stop saying "I don't believe in" when they mean "I don't agree with"?

It's so strange to say you don't believe in something that clearly happens.

OP
It makes me so sad and angry that rich men are trying to dictate every aspect of women's lives in such a way. These people would happily see children having children and babies born into poverty and awful home circumstance just to make a point.

Abortion is not a decision taken lightly, there will always be an element of guilt and sadness, we don't need more heaped upon our plates!

DD recently asked me what I would want her to do if she was pregnant. She's 15 and not pregnant/sexually active . I told her that honestly, I'd encourage her to have an abortion, as she is my baby and it's my job to protect her and her quality of life.

By keeping abortion legal, we are able to have this open dialogue with no shame. No woman should have to seek illegal abortion.

I can't stand pro-lifers. While I myself have never had a abortion I do know my mother had one when I was a child. She had me and my sister already and was in a very abusive relationship. When she got pregnant with his child (he was not our dad) she knew she couldn't bring another one into it and be tied to him for ever so she aborted the pregnancy. When he found out he beat her nearly to death with me and my sister upstairs and tried to use the fact she had an abortion as his defence

Knowing that about my mum means I can't support someone who judges her decision.

You're completely right. The anti-choice, pro-forced-birth crowd do not have the empathy or imagination to understand why abortion rights are so, so important.

As early as possible, as late as necessary.

I'm another one who can't abide pro-lifers. They're invariably fucking hypocrites.

and when the baby is born, they don't care if it is raised in extreme poverty or abuse as long as it's born

^^THIS!

I don't know how anyone can disagree with a woman's right to choose. I can understand that some people would choose not to go through the procedure themselves, but let other people make decisions about their own bodies. It disgusts me and makes me very angry.

P.S. You disagree with it. To say you don't believe in it is to questions its existence. (passive aggressive way of getting my anger across!)

As early as possible, as late as necessary.
This. Every. Single. Time.

I read something that summed it up well for me.

I am pro choice but I do not grab pro life people and make it manditory for doctors to terminate their pregnancies. That would be wrong.

As a practicing Catholic I completely agree with this thread. Although I am completely anti abortion I do t like and don't get involved with the pro life movement at all. I don't see how they think the rate of illegal abortions would not increaseA bunch of my church friends were holding a vigil infront of the treatment centre at the hospital where I work, where they do abortions. . Several of my colleagues( who are desperate for a baby) were really really upset about it. I was embarrassed to say I knew them. I heard a talk by one of the Glasgow midwives who resigned rather than look after ladies having abortions for medical reasons. I was struck by her complete lack kof compassion for these poor women who loved their child, but felt it was the only thing they could do to save their child suffering.

I am pro choice.

I don't care if people are pro-life as long as they don't try to obstruct other women from gaining access to abortions. Pro life is not a stance that I can agree with but I can respect it as an opinion.

What I really detest is those pro lifers who add in caveats to it like rape. That sickens me more than pro lifers who don't throw in caveats.

But if you'd had a scan at 11 weeks wouldn't the baby have looked formed then too?

We had an EIGHT week scan and our little DS had a head, a body, little arms and legs and a heartbeat!

Actually it did make me view the idea of abortion very differently. Previously I'd always thought that abortion would be a standard choice if necessary, but seeing that, and the pregnancy in general, blurred the lines for me. I don't think I could ever do it now. So it is quite an interesting thing for me.

Having said that, I'm pro-choice. That's my decision, and every woman should have the right to make theirs.

Aborting a foetus is relatively easy to achieve with nothing more inventive than a coathanger or a knitting needle. The trick is trying not to kill the mother in the process.

Women always have a choice. If pro-lifers gave a shit about life, they would advocate for safe choices.

Fuckers.

Sorry I pressed send before I elaborated.

Basically, I detest people who believe abortion should only be available in cases of rape because...

1. It basically says that women who willingly have sex deserve to be punished by being denied an abortion.

1. How on earth do you assess individual situations? Do you have to wait till it's gone to court...By which time the child conceived would have been born.

It's just so fucking ignorant. If you are truly pro life and wish to protect all unborn fetuses, then that should apply to all unborn fetuses.

Anyway, like I said, I'm completely pro choice. All women should have access to free and safe abortions regardless of their circumstances.

Previously I'd always thought that abortion would be a standard choice if necessary, but seeing that, and the pregnancy in general, blurred the lines for me

For me, it absolutely solidified my belief that abortions should be freely available. Pregnancy is a terrifying and overwhelming time even if it was planned and wanted, thus it just re-enforced for me the fact that women should be able to end the pregnancy if they wish.

To underline a point made up thread

As early as possible, as late as necessary.

This times a million. I've had 2 children, I've also had an abortion. No-one should ever be forced to go through pregnancy and birth.