MIL and being obese TWO

[YellowBlinds]

original thread

Hi, I know a few people didn't like the title before and I'm sorry for repeating it but I figured it would be the best marker, as its what I used before . Honestly, no offence intended.

I am so sorry that this is happening Yellow, I am in awe of how well you have coped. Please please do not let your husband or in-laws make you feel that this is in anyway your fault

glad DH has witnessed the lunacy behaviour

I think your DH needs to have another conversation with her, if she's still coming round and banging on the door and being verbally abusive etc

Whoa, she really is a pathetic, overgrown brat, isn't she!

and for you. You sound like you need it (and not to share with anyone!)

Good luck for your product launch and it's great that DH is on the same page as you

Jeez. Just read the whole thing while the baby napped (praying she didn't wake up before the end)

You deserve a medal. The woman is unhinged. Personally don't think it's anything medical apart sheer loneliness. It makes people go quite off the rails if they aren't living a 'normal' life.

Sounds horrendous really especially if FIL isn't going to be on board to help tackle her

Hope you keep on top of everything at work, at least you are keeping yourself too busy to give her more time/energy than she deserves.

Oh yellow, it really sounds like you don't need this!. So relieved that DH is on side, and hope FIL is gradually pulling his head out of the sand. Can't be easy for him.

Good luck getting through your work!

I followed the last thread but didn't post - I have no idea how you've stayed sane yourself! Hoping that your work settles down soon and you can relax a little before tackling the enormous job of your MIL.

I was wondering, however, if your neighbour had been any more help in walking MIL back to her own house, or if she managed to speak to her own mother to see if this behaviour is noticed by others outside of the family?

Hugs to you OP, you must have the patience of a saint 😇

I've read everything and can't believe you've remained so calm! I hope that DH is a support for you and this is addressed... Although considering how she behaves when she knows he knows about things makes me think not?

Wow, your FIL is doing hos wife a massive disservice. I do allreciate he's scared (I would be!) but she needs to be marched to her GP.

I think your DH and FIL need to sit her down and say, in no uncertain terms, 'What the fuck do you think your are playing at?'. Her hysterics need to be given short shrift too. Following the previous thread and your updates, I am less inclined to think she has MH issues now (could be very wrong), and more inclined to think she has a skewed perception of boundaries, control issues and a downright bullying streak.

Your DH really should address this with MIL ASAP whilst it is still fresh, and firm, immovable boundaries put in place. Her behaviour is bizarre. Crying that she's been locked out of your house? It's your house, not an extension of hers.

However, I feel she will not stop her nonsense and perhaps now is the time to check out Rightmove.

Sorry, another one adding to the chorus about your DH tackling it now, rather than later. To not mention it at all is a bit weird!

I really don't think MIL 'hates' yellow, I really don't. I think she is very very lonely and has slowly become obsessed with her. Mil wants to be yellow's bestie

I don't think it's that, because she's come into the house before when she had a key without alerting OP or coming to talk to her. Her obsession seems to be with having free access to the house and, in particular, the food in the kitchen, plus perhaps having OP as a taxi driver.

For everyone wondering about DH not mentioning MIL's behaviour when he visited her, I assume the reason there is that they are trying to retrain her: they're trying to instil the message "we will continue to have a relationship with you as long as you learn to respect our boundaries", by positively reinforcing meetings in her house, by arrangement, and negatively reinforcing trying to hammer the door down like a loon, by just ignoring her when she does it. As we said on the previous thread, it's toddler training tactics.

Whether or not it will work or, as predicted, will normalise her behaviour so she feels she can do what she likes and still have naice tea parties with her son, remains to be seen: but I assume this is a strategy with an expiry date and I can see the logic. If they say "we (although for the time being just MrYellow) will continue to have a relationship with you if you learn to behave yourself" and then just go on to bring up the bad behaviour in every conversation, then she is likely to think the whole thing's a lost cause, everybody hates her and is against her, and will up the ante on the crazy tactics. It's helpful if they can say "remember how we had a lovely tea last Sunday? Do you want that to continue? Because it won't if you don't behave". Obviously they have to follow through on that and have a rethink if it doesn't start working very quickly.

Again all this is assuming MIL can be reasoned with, and is not suffering from a medical condition which is significantly impairing her cognitive state.

Placemarking

Excellent logic Quim

OP you've had a horrific time with her.

Something that I thought of when reading through the update was CCTV. To capture her throwing a tantrum on your doorstep and the length and severity of the harassment she is putting you through. Then play it back to her along with your DH and FIL. Seeing herself behave that way may hit home!

Been following this since it started, I have to say I don't think the DH is being supportive at all - he could have gone round there many times and read MiL the riot act but he's done nothing, actually going round and not mentioning it?! I think you have a DH problem OP.

I think DH needs to have a sit down hard talk with MiL AND FiL. He needs to address them both at the same time so each knows what the other has been told so there won't be any 'misinformation' from one to the other.

OP you are amazingly polite. I really hope your DH sets her straight that she should ever speak to you like that again. I hope he tells her that he sees her behaviour and that it's hurtful to you both.

Posting the cat is absolutely desperate. She's unhinged.

Can't believe you haven't even had an apology yet

She's nuts. I'd go NC and let DH deal with her.

At least it has not escalated any further, well done so far Yellow