MIL and being obese TWO

[YellowBlinds]

original thread

Hi, I know a few people didn't like the title before and I'm sorry for repeating it but I figured it would be the best marker, as its what I used before . Honestly, no offence intended.

So it reads as if she now comes round just to abuse Op?

She'll respect that her son is working & has no time but not Op.

However as a pp said, him just ignoring it with his mum isn't going to help is it?

She might be more careful for a while, but surely if she thinks that her son won't mention it to her then she'll carry on again with Op bearing it all?

She sounds like a crazy woman! Why would she keep on coming over even after being told not to? Hope your DH and fil step up and start telling her how out of order her behaviour is.
If it was me I'd be putting the house up for sale now so to you for putting up with all that crazy behaviour!

Sorry you're snowed under with work and having to deal with this, it's very unfair.

I have to say I agree with pp about your DH visiting her normally and not mentioning it. Why would he do that? She's been off the scale appalling towards you and it's not stopped. Why hasn't he told her that you will be cutting contact and moving away unless she a. Stops and b. Apologises to you.
I do think it sends a message that her terrible behaviour will continue to be tolerated.

By not tackling her behaviour, your husband is going along with it. He's allowing his wife to be treated very badly indeed.

If he is serious about stopping this behaviour, he needs to draw the boundaries and not pretend nothing has happened.

Sounds like she does have a mental health issue. I feel sorry for her I hope she gets the help she needs or comes to her senses. Difficult situation .

I would have lost it way back when she called you a bitch to your DH.
Keep holding firm. Glad your DH is on board. Fingers crossed she starts to get the point.
And keep checking Rightmove

Sounds like she does have a mental health issue.

Its a difficult one though, isn't it? I mean I would agree that she has problems but she is perfectly able to reign it in when her darling son hoves into view so those problems are clearly not insurmountable. At what point does someone's behaviour cross over from being just an incredibly unpleasant person into something 'medically' wrong if you see what I mean?

Anyway, in either case, the OP has the right to go about her business without being harrangued on her doorstop so I am glad that your dh saw her in action and has been speaking to his father about it. What I don't get are the visits mentioning nothing. Surely that makes her think her appaling behaviour is quite alright?

Shit ignore me, I see the link now!

It does seem like she has really got it in for you

It's like she wants to make your life hell on purpose. Does she actually think the more manic she acts then you will leave her boy?

Op,,,new thread, no updates?

Blunt OP put the update at the end of the last thread.

Definitely doesn't look like a health problem now. She'd not be able to rein in it when she saw her son otherwise.

I'd be very cross that he didn't discuss it the next time he saw her though. She cannot be allowed to just flip into 'normal' mode and pretend like nothing has happened. Not after what she has said and done!

Just a thought, but I wonder if the DH avoided confronting his DM because he doesn't want the final explosion to happen while OP's so burdened with work?

No doubt I'll now be told I'm being too charitable ...

To help you while you work.

DH may have also been very unnerved by her turn in temperament. Which is likely the design of it. Probably the idea was to plant a seed that OP had said something out of DH's earshot that made her react like that because clearly she can show she's not always like that, only when OP is about.

If DH is only just seeing this behaviour now, which could still be as true as FIL saying she has form as FIL could have hid it from DH, then this will be very hard for him.

Very glad that she inadvertently showed your DH the extent of her vitriol.

Well done (to both of you) for managing to keep things together for now. TBH at present it's probably easier for you just to get on & finish your work project, ignore MIL's crazy behaviour. Now DH has witnessed it there's no denying it & she can't try to pretend you're making it up.

I imagine op's DH has been trained to act like nothing's wrong throughout his life, and slipping back into that role now (wrt his mother's crazy) is second nature. Op meanwhile is sitting there with a face like this

IME, men with mothers like this will start to get pissed off at you after a while for still remembering and discussing their mother's craziness. It's a kind of 'FFS, enough time has passed for us to PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED, why are you not following this script?' atmosphere. I hope your DH is not like this op (although atm you're probably too buried in work to notice)!

I really don't think MIL 'hates' yellow, I really don't. I think she is very very lonely and has slowly become obsessed with her. Mil wants to be yellow's bestie and things have now taken sinister turn becAuse she has realised the tides are turning, sending her into a spiral of nasty/deranged behaviour. I think things were absolutely fine (for her) when she felt both yellow and her son were dancing to her tune.
Things only got nasty when mil realised that yellow wasn't going to take her control-tactics anymore. She is a woman used to getting her own way and can't handle it when people don't stand on ceremony. (This has obviously not been helped by her useless husband and son - sorry yellow but it's true.) my dh would no way stand for his mum behaving this way to me.

Perhaps. Is work going to level off a bit soon so you can present united front?

Yikes. Why oh why when you are up to your eyes with one challenge such as work, does another problem or problem decide it's a great time to make an appearance? Have been in that boat too many times myself. Have as you need to get through it.

Although you are bearing the brunt of MILs behaviour, I guess your DH is having to deal with very difficult emotions around this. Not only in terms of his DM, but also his DF's enabling of it. It's a truly awful situation to unpick. Which leads me to wonder where he could access support and advice for himself? Would he be prepared to Talk it through with a trained professional counsellor or coach?

My mum was like this when I had my first daughter. We're talking driving up our driveway and onto our lawn to bang on the door because I was screening calls... throwing her Christmas presents over the fence because I wouldn't bring her around to show off in front of her friends - despite having told her many times in the preceding weeks that it wasn't going to happen, etc. She was perfectly capable of turning her "crazy" off and on to suit the audience. Even if you do get some time to yourself, I'd seriously consider moving.

Oh heck .... if you are sure there is nothing wrong with her mentally and she is just basically a control freak, you are going to have to threaten her with either calling the police for harassment or getting a restraining order if she doesn't desist from all this nonsense .... she really sounds like a control freak of the highest order and something needs to be done. You shouldn't have to move - she needs to learn the boundaries. Start off with you and DH going round to confront talk to her and if she isn't reasonable about leaving you alone without asking if she is able to come round first etc, then threaten and mean it - you can't carry on like this, it's so wrong

Leave the product - write a book