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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:

LadyDawn · 23/01/2017 16:39

If you have recently learnt to drive and you are a nervous driver, how would you drive to the wedding by yourself, out of curiosity? The taxi fare sounds quite expensive so presumably it's quite far? Would you need to use SatNav, or do you already know the way?
Since this is your best friend, it's definitely not worth falling out over. If I were you, I'd get the taxi with your best friend. You can then support her with her new baby rather than leaving her to get the taxi alone.

TheNaze73 · 23/01/2017 16:39

YANBU. She's an absolute self absorbed, piss taking chancer. Give her one of these

You'll get your confidence in time with the driving, good luck.

rollonthesummer · 23/01/2017 16:40

Have you led her to believe you would drive her?

Are you intending to drive but just not take her? How does she get around to places normally? You take her shopping-where's her baby then?

TheMysteriousJackelope · 23/01/2017 16:40

iamastonished New drivers tend to be more distracted by noise inside the car. It was a few months before I would drive with the radio on because I found it distracting. The OP is worried she could be distracted if the baby starts crying.

Also she may worry that the baby could suffer serious injuries in the event of a crash and she would feel especially guilty about that. New drivers are more likely to get into collisions that experienced ones.

MargaretCavendish · 23/01/2017 16:43

I am struggling to understand why having the baby in the car makes you more nervous than having baby's mum in the car. Surely you are nervous with passengers or not.

'Baby's mum' is much less likely to start screaming at full volume on the motorway, isn't she?

chipsandchilli · 23/01/2017 16:45

Ops probably spent 100's learning to drive, she is not confident, if something happens then it is her who will have to pay for it, not her friend. She is taking her friend shopping, is this saving the friend having to get taxi/bus fare. Sorry but it cost's a lot of money to learn to drive and even more to keep a car on the road paying expensive insurance for the first year as your more likely to have an accident then. If op doesn't want the risk as a new, nervous driver taking a baby in the car that's her choice, her friend could always learn how to drive instead of expecting lifts

londonrach · 23/01/2017 16:46

Abit shocked at people saying you mean not taking the baby. Op is a new driver. Does anyone remember how nervous they were. No way would i want to responsibilty of taking a new baby as a new driver. Maybe a year after driving but no way before. You shouldnt pay her taxi and i hope she pays for your petrol, buys choc or wine for the big shop. Yanbu. Your car you do what you feel you are safe to do.

Memoires · 23/01/2017 16:46

Did she tell you that she was counting on you taking her, say, a month ago? If she was always planning on going in your car, then why didn't she consult with you about it?

Presumably, she would have contributed to petrol costs?

If she hadn't bothered to tell you she was assuming you'd drive her, why would she expect you to tell you that you wouldn't be taking her? Works both ways, this thing.

She can get a train, I'm sure. It's more restful than a car, more comfortable. Admittedly you have to get from station to site and back, but it's not your responsibility, it's hers. She should have just said something weeks ago.

Chattymummyhere · 23/01/2017 16:47

Hang on. Mum wants to go let her hair down and show off baby. I think she was also looking for you to be the sober babysitter. She can not possible let her hair down whilst looking after a newborn.

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want a possibly crying infant in the car when you have just passed. Hell my dh was very edgy the first time he drove our first child home from hospital as a newborn and he had years of experience.

MakeMyWineADouble · 23/01/2017 16:47

Your car your right to decide who you feel comfortable driving. However this is your best friend you have been excitedly planning this for ages. You are both silly for not clarifying the important stuff like how you were getting there till now! You could argue who is right and wrong, from reading the thread it's going to be about 50:50 but ultimately the important thing is do you want this friendship to last? If so you need a compromise I vote splitting a taxi you don't have to worry about the drive and you can both relax

SheldonsSpot · 23/01/2017 16:49

What the fuck? You're too nervous to have a baby in the car but you're already planning on drinking and driving . Okaaaaay.

YABU.

I had a kind of similar situation a couple of years ago, a hen do in Edinburgh, a friend and I were the only ones from our area going. She'd recently passed her test and decided that she was going to drive but didn't want anyone in the car as she felt having a passenger for her first long journey would be too nerve wracking or distracting or something ... Upshot was she drove, I paid out £60 and got the train, fine by me.

She got to the hotel and explained to everyone that I'd be there later by train, and why. They all though she was a massive twat.

I think you're being a dick, on both the drinking and driving, and the refusing to take your friend's DD.

kitsmarch · 23/01/2017 16:50

If my friend had a newborn baby and needed a lift to a wedding and I had the means (car) to do that for her then I would. Isn't that what we do for our friends? Same with dropping friends home after a night out, etc. I'd rather do that than have them walk or schlep home by bus.

I get you're a new and nervous driver but driving your friend and her potentially screaming baby would be one excellent way to cure you of such nerves as it forces you to make a journey that you're potentially dreading. Your friend can act as an extra pair of eyes/keep you calm/be a general wing man. And you can help your friend with her big day out with her baby that she was really looking forward to (but will probably be extremely knackering for her).

This comes under the banner of Good Deed For A Friend and will make you feel excellent inside. Plus it will help your friend. She's an idiot for suggesting you cough up for her taxi fare, but let's be kind and put that down to a perfect storm of sleeplessness, disappointment and new-mother hormones. If she's normally sane and lucid and doesn't usually take the piss then it's time to buckle down to the mantra of 'that's what friends are for'.

diddl · 23/01/2017 16:50

I can see why you don't want to & can also see why she is annoyed.

Presumably you don't want to share a taxi so that you can leave when you want?

I agree though that company might be better if you're so nervous?

sonyaya · 23/01/2017 16:50

I can sort of see why you won't take the baby, you shouldn't drive in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, but the problem is this hasn't been discussed much earlier and your friend doesn't have an easy way of getting there.

How far is it?

If you're too nervous to drive with a baby in the car, I agree with those who say no alcohol at all, except maybe a sip or two with the toast, not just stopping after the toast.

Given you want a few drinks could you just not drive and share a taxi? Is there anyone else travelling from nearby to same wedding? Perhaps bride could put you in touch with other guests. She will be busy right now to be fair but if it's a good friend getting married I'm sure she will either help or explain that she's too busy.

Jinxxx · 23/01/2017 16:53

If you are not comfortable with driving with your friend and her baby in the car, I can't understand why she would want to press you.

The difference between having a single adult in the car and a mum and baby is that you can ask the adult to be quiet or even help navigate if you hit a tricky bit on the roads. There can be few things more stressful than trying to concentrate with a baby crying and/or with mum singing/shushing etc trying to quiet it. I don't know how long the journey is, but will she also expect feeding and changing stops? Then there is the question of what happens if the baby is unsettled or poorly at the wedding. Will Mum expect you to leave early?

DearMrDilkington · 23/01/2017 16:55

So your confident enough to have a few drinks before driving home but not confident enough to have a baby in the car?

Please don't drink anything.

Caper86 · 23/01/2017 16:55

'Letting your hair down' and taking a baby to a wedding don't go hand in hand (misses point of thread)

Lucy7400 · 23/01/2017 16:55

Yabu and a great big drama llama. You are driving so should take your friend. I cant believe I am reading this drivel, much less replying to it.

kitsmarch · 23/01/2017 16:56

Oh, and I missed bit about drinking and driving. I didn't pick that up in your OP but if you're planning on doing that, then don't. It's an exceedingly dickish move that can backfire badly and in a nanosecond. Plus it doesn't even have to be your 'fault'. If you crash or shunt or something happens you'll be routinely breathalysed and if you're over the limit all manner of shit storm will fall upon your head.

As a new driver the best move you can make is to decide never to drink and drive, full stop. Not a glass, not a half glass. It makes life much easier.

Katy07 · 23/01/2017 16:57

What was best friend thinking of doing if you'd failed your test?!
I can understand that she'd be peeved if you're driving yourself but not her and the baby (though that is her problem & not yours so you shouldn't be contributing to her taxi) & especially if you said 'I'll take you but not the baby' but equally if you're not comfortable then it's your right to say no. Can't she get someone to babysit? If she's planning on drinking then how's she going to be looking after the baby?
(And don't drink and drive)

purplefizz26 · 23/01/2017 16:59

Yabu and a great big drama llama. You are driving so should take your friend. I cant believe I am reading this drivel, much less replying to it.

^this

It's such a none issue, turning something into a massive deal.

chipsandchilli · 23/01/2017 17:00

if I stop with alcohol after the toast and stick to fizzys I'll be OK to drive by the time I'm ready to go home

op didn't say she was going to drink and drive, she said she wasn't. She will toast the bride then stick to soft drink's for the rest of the night then drive back hours later.

londonrach · 23/01/2017 17:00

I should add op....do not drink any alcohol before driving that day!

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/01/2017 17:01

"friend obviously was counting on me getting license and didn't plan alternative transport, so got quite the shock when I told her that while I'm happy taking her in car (we go Tescos together for our "big shop" so she can use my boot), i don't want her DD."

Have a think, OP. How often do you chauffeur your friend around? Do you offer, does she ask, or does she say something that makes you feel that you should offer?

PotatoWaffleCob · 23/01/2017 17:01

I passed 5 years ago and I wouldn't want to drive with someone else's baby in the car. I had only just passed when DD1 was born and I was a wreck for months. Someone else's child is a big responsibility.

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