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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 23/01/2017 15:57

If I was your friend, I'd probably think you were being a bit OTT by refusing to drive with a baby in the car - equally, though, I certainly wouldn't expect you to pay for my taxi!

onceandneveragain · 23/01/2017 15:58

Oh it's hard. I can understand your feelings as a new driver and think your friend was being cheeky to just assume she'd get a lift, but I have to admit I'd be really pissed off if you were driving there anyway, and lived near me, but refused to give me a lift.

Does she have anyone who could babysit instead? Surely that would be more fun for her as well, there's a limit to how much she can let her hair down if she is feeding, changing, and entertaining a small baby all night.

chipsandchilli · 23/01/2017 15:58

I passed my test last year and i wouldn't take my niece in the car for months until i got more experience, its a bit of a cheek expecting you to pay for her taxi, she sounds entitled. i wouldn't make excuses just tell her no you are not a confident driver yet, you don't want to drive a baby and no you won't pay for her taxi.

00100001 · 23/01/2017 15:58

why doesn't she leave baby at home?

She's not going to have that much fun with baby there.

TrampyCat · 23/01/2017 15:58

Did you explain why you had a problem taking her baby? Maybe as other have suggested you could try a trial run, often parents sit in the back with baby and my kids use to snooze in the car alot so chances you won't hear a peep. If not maybe you could all share a taxi?

WyfOfBathe · 23/01/2017 15:58

I'd be a bit miffed if I was the friend and couldn't drive and you were going, had room in your car but wouldn't take me so I had to pay hundreds for a taxi
This. If I'm driving somewhere, I will happily fill up my car with friends who want to go to the same place, and my friends would do the same - so if we're going to a party or something, we'll tend to have 5 of us in one car with one designated driver.

But you don't have to give her a lift, and you definitely don't have to pay her taxi fair.

JaxingJump · 23/01/2017 15:59

I kind of think that you should let her make the decision about whether she is happy to risk her baby with a new driver. But saying that, if the baby being there makes you additionally nervous then that is increasing the danger for everyone.

Original poster
GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 16:00

Thanks everybody for the replies. I did/do feel awful for saying no. But as I said earlier I'm a nervous driver!

I'll talk a bit more with my friend as I don't want to cause a rift in friendship.

The wedding is Saturday:)

OP posts:
228agreenend · 23/01/2017 16:00

I totally get where you are coming from.. I don't mind driving my sc in the car, but hate giving lifts to others, for any distance, as it makes me nervous.

Stick to,your guns. It's not your responsibility to,take her to the wedding, and cheeky that she assumed this before you had even passed.

Can she use a train or bus to get there?

Alternatively, can you all share a taxi together.

scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 16:02

I fully understand your position to be honest. I have over 20 years experience driving and have driven on long trips from Alicante to Rome for example. I am not a nervous driver by any stretch. But when I need to concentrate I need the radio off and people sitting quietly until we are through the traffic/found our destination/on a long stretch of motorway. There is no guarantee that the baby will not be a distraction to you at key points on your journey. Especially the trip back later at night if the mum had been drinking and/or the baby is tired/grumpy later at night in the car.

I wouldnt be paying for her to get a taxi either.

sum1killthepawpatrollers · 23/01/2017 16:03

ah, it being this saturday makes it a bit harder to get any extra driving time in to educe the nervousness.
was it discussed at all that you would take her or did she just assume and only tell you when you said no baby?

CerealShopper · 23/01/2017 16:03

Can't you just take it steady?
I know you are a new driver but it's no hardship to have them both in the car with you, surely?

I think UABU really.

secretgirl · 23/01/2017 16:04

If you're not comfy driving with a baby, then you're not comfy. That's what she gets for presuming. Like I understand where you're coming from, I am so nervous driving with my own daughter.
Personally I'd be leaving baby at home anyway so I could have a few drinks and enjoy myself, it's not your responsibility though to contribute towards her transport.

Atenco · 23/01/2017 16:04

Don't most babies just fall asleep in a car anyway

QuimReaper · 23/01/2017 16:06

I think you're a bit unreasonable for refusing to take the baby when you're driving anyway; and I think she's enormously unreasonable for even thinking about asking for a contribution to a taxi.

I think as a PP suggested you should do a test run with the baby and then go for it. There's a pretty good chance the baby will zonk out in the car, and you should leave a large travel window so you can pull over if she starts crying or you get a bit freaked out. Also be sure to ask your friend to sit in the back seat with the baby.

scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 16:07

(I think a number of people here may have forgotten what it was like in those first few weeks and months after passing their test - driving on new roads at different times of the day and night. Easy when youve been driving for years. Not so easy at the start.)

(mind you, knowing MN, every person here passed first time, were excellent confident drivers from the second they got behind the wheel and can drive with their eyes shut - hence they'd be miffed as surely everyone is as good a driver as them).

Purplepicnic · 23/01/2017 16:08

Why can't you share a taxi and split the cost?

scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 16:09

OP - what time would you anticipate coming back - do you have the time to take it slow on the way back as well, before you'd get too tired to drive?

WyfOfBathe · 23/01/2017 16:11

(mind you, knowing MN, every person here passed first time, were excellent confident drivers from the second they got behind the wheel and can drive with their eyes shut - hence they'd be miffed as surely everyone is as good a driver as them).

Ahh, the generalisations Hmm I failed twice as a student, forgot about driving for a while, then finally passed about 2.5 years ago.

and I still think that OP is being a bit U.

trinketsofgold · 23/01/2017 16:11

I'm assuming that before you passed your test you would have shared a taxi.

Now you've passed and are refusing to give your friend a lift she's now had her taxi fare doubled.

I'd be pissed off with you too tbh

Nocabbageinmyeye · 23/01/2017 16:12

Nervous drivers do not "Stop with alcohol after the toast and stick with fizzies so they will be OK by time they are ready to leave", you'd be far better off with a baby on board than alcohol on board!

SapphireStrange · 23/01/2017 16:12

Did you try to make her aware at an earlier stage that you wouldn't want to drive the baby?

If you've known for a while but have only just got round to telling her, while letting her assume you'd drive her and the baby, I think Y are a bit U.

But I don't think it's OK for her to be expecting you to pay for her taxi.

TeenAndTween · 23/01/2017 16:13

YANBU not wanting to drive the baby.
When DD1 passes her test, I don't think I will want her to drive DD2 for quite a few months!

NerrSnerr · 23/01/2017 16:13

Scottish I was a ridiculously nervous driver when I first passed (I think I cried when driving for the first fortnight after passing my test). I hated giving people lifts but that did not get in the way of giving the lifts. I also found that the idea of giving the lift was always worse than actually doing it. I was too busy concentrating it didn't make a difference who was in the car.

I couldn't justify making a friend spend hundreds of pounds on a taxi when I could take them and it cost them a fiver in petrol.

tribpot · 23/01/2017 16:14

got quite the shock when I told her that while I'm happy taking her in car ... i don't want her DD.

If you actually said those words to a new parent, I'm not surprised you're getting an earful. I can fully appreciate your nervousness and I wouldn't want to transport a small baby around as a new driver either, but if you are driving there yourself and you've discussed going together, I can understand why she has assumed it was okay for you to give her a lift.

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