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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:

Pendrive · 23/01/2017 16:15

I'd have been really nervous about driving a baby about when I just passed my test. I would definitely rather have not. I still have to ask for quiet when coming up to a busy junction or something.
However I'd feel very mean refusing my friend a lift and do would be massively apologetic. However she is completely unreasonable to ask for money for taxi!
To all those who say 'it's not your job to get your friend to wedding'... of course it's not but then she is a friend and friends help each other out when they can, so I think a big apology but I can't drive you because I'm too nervous is more appropriate than 'it's not my job...'

purplefizz26 · 23/01/2017 16:15

Actually Scottish it took me 9 goes to pass my test and I don't consider myself a particularly confident driver even after ten years.
I wouldn't have refused a close friend a lift shortly after passing just because the baby would be coming too.
Most newborns sleep most of the day and likely wouldn't make a sound, the mum would sit next to the baby and comfort them, and could make a stop if needed.
Driving will put drivers in difficult and stressful situations and you have to learn to deal with them to become and more confident and able driver, and a baby making a few noises will probably be less stressful to cope with than other things that crop up.
It's entirely the OPs choice, but I do think it's OTT and mean.

Softkitty2 · 23/01/2017 16:16

You are not responsible for your friend and her putting it on you to pay for her to get there as you have inconvenienced her is cheeky.

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 23/01/2017 16:17

Obviously the baby will be in a rear facing car seat on the backseat and I expect mum would be on the backseat close enough to see to baby. Most young babies sleep well on long journeys and I don't think you would really be distracted. Is there another reason you don't want to take the baby?

NerrSnerr · 23/01/2017 16:19

But, how much are you planning on drinking before the toasts? 'I'm not a drinker, so if I stop with alcohol after the toast and stick to fizzys I'll be OK to drive by the time I'm ready to go home'

If you're planning on having more than a toast drink I would say definitely do not drive home- baby or no baby. The toasts are usually mid to late afternoon? If you've had a few drinks before then you may or may not be back under the limit by the time you want to drive. If you're a nervous driver you really shouldn't be factoring alcohol in at all- or at least just one drink during the day.

coconutpie · 23/01/2017 16:19

YANBU and your "friend" is totally taking the piss! You are a beginner driver and a nervous one at that. The last thing you need is the responsibility of having a baby in the car with you and also many babies do not even sleep in the car so what if baby is screaming the whole way there and back? That would be difficult for even a confident driver, never mind a beginner.

Your friend is responsible for her own transport and that of her child. You are not her chauffeur and do not have to contribute towards her taxi. Tell her to fuck off.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/01/2017 16:20

Tbh OP, leaving someone with a £100+ bill for a taxi because you're "too nervous" is not the sign of a good friend. I wouldn't have asked you to pay towards the taxi but the friendship would be over.

SouthWindsWesterly · 23/01/2017 16:20

Will she be contributing to petrol? The problem here is that she assumed

Wtfdoipick · 23/01/2017 16:22

How would you have got to the wedding if you hadn't passed your test? Would you have expected your friend to share the cost of a taxi with you?

scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 16:22

Different question then - has this new mum who doesnt drive got a baby car seat for use this Saturday? Is she going to buy one? Does the OPs car have the correct fittings for baby seats (pre-isofix car could be an issue). Is there space in the back of the car for the baby and the mother?

coconutpie · 23/01/2017 16:23

I agree with NerrSnerr - you should not be drinking AT ALL if you're driving that evening / night.

OldJoseph · 23/01/2017 16:23

Would probably have warned her that you wouldn't be taking her and the baby. Having said that if you are going to a place you are confident about getting to and finding and that parking wouldn't be an issue I'd do it for the experience of taking passengers of all ages.

I wouldn't take them both if it meant going to a new place and so on. One new driving experience at a time if possible.

If you don't want to fall out over this suggest a taxi you can share there and back.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 23/01/2017 16:24

Even one drink to toast the apply couple is too much for such an inexperienced driver. Lay off the booze.

Brightsmoke · 23/01/2017 16:25

I'm a bit why people are saying YBU for not wanting to put yourself in a position you aren't comfortable in? If you aren't ready OP, then don't do it! Don't be pushed into it, you'd never forgive yourself if you crashed due to inexperience.

However, if your a nervous driver, and its the furthest away you've driven, you might be better with someone in the car, and not drinking ANY alcohol. I would probably go in a taxi with friend and baby if it were me

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/01/2017 16:27

Brightsmoke - Would you never go out of your way to help a friend? Never go over and above?

TitaniasCloset · 23/01/2017 16:28

How will she come up with the money for taxis between now and Saturday? Why didn't you tell her earlier you wouldn't take her? Its possible she now won't be able to come at all.

Yabu.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/01/2017 16:28

I couldn't justify making a friend spend hundreds of pounds on a taxi when I could take them and it cost them a fiver in petrol

Which is it? A taxi journey that costs 'hundreds of pounds' will cost way more than a fiver of petrol.

But I think people are being far too harsh over the alcohol issue. The toast glass is 1 unit of champagne/prosecco at most. She will be stone cold sober again within an hour or two and is not driving until much later.

Iamastonished · 23/01/2017 16:30

I think you are both being unreasonable actually.

"You're driving yourself anyway, and would happily take your friend, but you are refusing to take her baby, and it'll cost her about £100 in taxi fares.
Well that's a bit off OP confused. Really mean actually."

This ^^

I was a really nervous driver when I first passed my test, but quite honestly it wouldn't have mattered who was in the car with me soon after passing. Babies tend to fall asleep in cars so it shouldn't be a distraction, and if you think you are such a bad driver that you are afraid of crashing the car and hurting the baby then perhaps you shouldn't be giving lifts to anyone.

Has your friend offered some petrol money towards the journey?

mambono5 · 23/01/2017 16:32

OP, I think you are being incredibly mature by refusing to take a baby when you don't feel like a confident driver. Well done.
Now, you need to explain to your friend your reasoning.

I do agree with above, you might feel better with another adult in the car. However, if you are really nervous about having the responsibility of a baby in your car, go with your guts. Of course, DO NOT pay for a taxi unless you are in it yourself, your friend is ridiculous.

sonjadog · 23/01/2017 16:34

I don´t think you should pay for her taxi, but I do think that YABU for not offering her and her baby a lift. If I were her, I´d give you a wide berth in future.

MolyBoly · 23/01/2017 16:35

All of this

Your friend is responsible for her own transport and that of her child. You are not her chauffeur and do not have to contribute towards her taxi. Tell her to fuck off.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/01/2017 16:36

Your friend is responsible for her own transport and that of her child. You are not her chauffeur and do not have to contribute towards her taxi. Tell her to fuck off.

Fuck me. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Christmasnoooooooooooo · 23/01/2017 16:36

I definitely think you lose a friendship over this . Giving someone a week notice they have got find £200 so they go out is not good . How you got there should have discussed months ago and months ago.

Iamastonished · 23/01/2017 16:37

I am struggling to understand why having the baby in the car makes you more nervous than having baby's mum in the car. Surely you are nervous with passengers or not.

And why is the responsibility of having a baby in the car any different from having another adult?

I can understand if the practicalities of fitting a baby seat in the car won't work, but that is entirely different.

SorrelSoup · 23/01/2017 16:37

YANBU for not paying her taxi but YABU for not taking her and the baby. It's only a baby. Baby will be in the back with its mum next to it. Just take it easy. It's not a big deal. You're making it into a thing when it really isn't.

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