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Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:
sjgalpin · 24/01/2017 22:16

I have to say as a mum I would appreciate your honesty in saying you do not feeling confident to drive a young baby yet. I have been driving 20 plus years and I still find it distracting when my 6 & 4 year old bicker in the back of the car. How would she feel if the baby did start to cry and you got flustered and had an accident and how does she think you would feel. You are not being unreasonable, but I think she is by putting you in this position. Also a wedding is about the bride and groom not her showing off her new baby if she wants an event to do that then perhaps a christening or if not religious a naming ceremony would be a more appropriate occasion

Loreleigh · 24/01/2017 22:19

I'd have expected your friend to have offered to share petrol costs if you were giving her a lift, especially if travelling some distance, but if she chooses to take her baby in a cab then it's her look-out and she should pay her own damn costs! A friend would be looking at ways to put you both at ease and share any expenses etc, not try to guilt-trip you into paying - say NO!

DeidrePewtey · 24/01/2017 22:22

If you are so nervous that you don;t want to take a baby in your car, it doesn't sound like you are a particularly safe driver, and probably shouldn't be driving at all

ruthieruthuk · 24/01/2017 22:34

Friend should understand, i am currently learning to drive n would feel similar, what if u want to have a drink too.. Hope u manage to sort things out with your friend but sounds like she is just wanting a free ride

CatchingBabies · 24/01/2017 22:40

I'm not a nervous driver and wouldn't take a newborn baby in a car seat unless I have planned to stop every 30 mins or so to let the baby get out the seat for a few mins. The new advice is babies shouldn't be in car seats for longer than 30 minutes as many have died due to this. On a long journey it can be a nightmare!

Olivialoves · 24/01/2017 23:11

Gillybean73
Absolutely ridiculous 'advice' and not true at all. "I can assure you..." Jesus wept...
I did the same exam as you and there are more factors than being on the bloody pill that quicken/slow the process of processing alcohol. It is a minimum of one hour per unit for the average person. However, as we know, everyone is not average.
Either do some googling or attend another course.

Deathstarevicki · 24/01/2017 23:42

Not a chance I would contribute in any way with her taxi but I think your being a little unfair not taking them. Babies mostly sleep in cars and you past your test. You should be safe and competent on the roads. It's difficult though as the safety is the most important. I would try a little test drive to see how the baby is and If the baby is too distracting then at least you tried, but she maybe absolutely fine.

neuroticmumof3 · 25/01/2017 00:18

I had been driving for some
years when I had my first ds, I was a nervous driver and having a young baby in the car terrified me. I really hated having other people's children in my car and am still not over keen tbh, especially babies. It's the responsibility! What if i make an error? Or someone cuts me up? Or a lorry pulls out on me? What if I am responsible for killing or injuring someone else's child?! I get op's concern and she shouldn't be pushed into doing something that makes her nervous as that may make her more likely to have an accident.

I don't get why friend wants to take baby, I thought she wanted to let her hair down? if she wants to take baby to show it off then she is BU. She should go alone with op and let her hair down and have fun. If she wants to take baby to boost her self esteem and show it off she'll have to pay for that herself. Doesn't sound like baby would have a great time if it's noisy and mum is on the lash anyway!

Gillybean73 · 25/01/2017 01:27

www.drinkfox.com/information/alcohol-metabolism

Think you are the one mistaken, practically everyone METABOLISES alcohol at the same rate, its only ABSORPTION rates that can vary slightly. I hardly think the OP is likely to have chirrosis of the liver, but I'm sure she'll be quick to correct me if I'm wrong.

For the record, I NEVER give customers or anyone else advice about this subject, as people can hear what they want to hear and get mixed up. I just think that there was no need for some people to be so bitchy towards the OP about having a glass of fizz or similar at a wedding and then driving home HOURS later, as she is not putting herself, nor anyone else in any danger. All weddings I've ever attended, there has been a minimum of SIX hours between toasts and leaving at the end of the night, sometimes much longer. I was simply sticking up for her, and I did clearly state that I was not condoning drinking and driving.

It never ceases to amaze me though how nasty some people can be, surely as adults you can have an opinion and put your point across without being nasty to the OP (and others) there's just no need.

scy23utd · 25/01/2017 02:04

Blah blah blah, you're not fit to drive then if you canny handle a bambino in the car, sorry, not sorry 😐

EmeraldScorn · 25/01/2017 04:20

So you're going to a wedding at a destination that must be a considerable distance given the amount a taxi would cost and you're driving there in your own vehicle but whilst you're happy to give a lift to your best friend you don't want her baby in your car?

You're being unreasonable in my opinion; She's wrong to expect you to pay for her taxi though but you're wrong for excluding her child.

If a baby in the car would make you nervous, how do you feel when a HGV pulls up alongside you or heaven forbid someone overtakes you?

Describing yourself as a "nervous driver" is very negative and could likely be demoralising in the long term affecting your confidence on the roads.

You could pull over and ask your friend to sit in the back to comfort the baby if he/she gets upset. I think you're over thinking and being excessively cautious over an unlikely danger and it's making you come across as self centred and somewhat nasty.

It's not nice at all to jump in your car, head to the wedding and not take your best friend and her baby!

Redglitter · 25/01/2017 04:27

If people would rtft you'd see the matter has been resolved nice & amicably

Sixisthemagicnumber · 25/01/2017 06:53

Gilly the OP didn't dayvyhat she was only going to drink a small amount for the toasts. She said she would stop drinking after the toasts. Having been to quite a few weddings I have usually drink a fair bit by the time the toasts have finished - a glass of fizz on arrival. A couple of glasses of wine with the meal and then another glass of fizz for the toasts. Even if I stopped drinking after the toasts I wouldn't drive for the rest of that evening even as an experienced driver.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/01/2017 07:20

I know you said you will now get a taxi and split but that seems insane to spend that money

You've passed your test. You can either drive or not. If you say you are a nervous driver you are going to be one

Nothing wrong with being cautious tho,Doesn't make any difference if dark unknown roads , that's sat nav job to help you out :)

I assume you did have driving lessons in the dark to prepare you ?

If friend wants her first night out to be fun , I would advise leaving baby at home with partner / or take him with her

How old is baby?

Can your and her partner both do a return journey each - so that you aren't driving with baby in car but not lying silly money for a taxi

Drinking. Def don't have even one if driving if you say you are nervous you need your full wits around you !!!

Pixiebutterfly83 · 25/01/2017 08:52

I have loads of friends and a partner who don't drive and it really pisses me off when others expect me to be their personal taxi, especially when I never get any fuel money, I'm always expected to be a designated driver as well, I don't drink which is my choice but don't expect me to be your taxi. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and I think she is a complete tosspot for trying to pin her problems on you, it's not your fault she can't drive herself

jayne1976 · 25/01/2017 10:12

Think all of you saying that it's unreasonable to not want the baby in the car, are being harsh, I don't like motorway driving, should I just put myself out there, and get over it! Everyone is different in the car and if someone told me having my baby in the car was going to make me nervous I would much rather stump up for a taxi!

Jaxhog · 25/01/2017 10:17

It was unreasonable for your friend to assume you would give her, and her baby, a lift. Just because you've been her personal taxi for short trips, doesn't give her the right to expect this.

I suspect she knows this, and that is behind her snotty attitude now. I do think she's crazy taking her baby to someone else's wedding. The wedding isn't about her, so showing off her new baby isn't appropriate.

Sharing a taxi is a good idea if you're both planning to have a drink. However, if she still takes her baby, and the baby gets fractious, you may be sharing a taxi home early.

hungryhippo90 · 25/01/2017 11:46

I think you are being quite silly in regards to driving with a baby in the car. You do know that there are babies in many of the cars driven on the same roads as you?

Just drive carefully, which you will be as a new driver. I fully understand how nerve wracking it is as a new driver. I only got my licence in September.
If I were you, I would invite friend out somewhere, with baby, doesn't need to be a long journey, but at a low traffic type of time. You'll let go of the anxiety of travelling with baby once you've done it a few times.

I think confronting the fear is much healthier than hanging on to it... I'd also reccommend getting on the motorways as soon as possible, as often as possible until you feel comfortable!

Good luck with your driving, you will gain confidence.

Viperama · 25/01/2017 12:36

I'm a relatively new driver and mom and I do not feel comfortable driving my baby in the car alone on roads I don't know, I haven't done it yet, I need DP to help navigate and calm baby.
Totally understand where you are coming from. It is hard driving with a baby crying. Listen to your gut. If you're not comfortable it's probably not safe. Don't compromise on the safety of a child.
Those on here saying you are mean, should take a look in the mirror.

imjessie · 25/01/2017 12:49

Seems like a lot of you are being harsh ref her driving . I passed my test at 17 and 3 months and have driven ever since but it was a long time ago and at that age you don't have fear . Maybe the op is older as learning any new skill at that age is much harder . If she doesn't want a bloody baby in her car then she doesn't . I know it's resolved but still.

hippyhippyshake · 25/01/2017 12:51

If you read op's update she said the two of them had planned to go together as their partners weren't going. So I don't think the friend deserves such vitriol seeing as she was unexpectly faced with a lone journey costing £££.

EastMidsMummy · 25/01/2017 13:01

You shouldn't be driving at all if you can't cope with a baby in your car.

dustarr73 · 25/01/2017 13:08

So you have decided to share the taxi.I would get a few things straight as well before you go.
How long will you be staying for.Is she in sole charge of her baby.What if she wants to leave well before you do,i think there is loads of pitfalls.

CripsSandwiches · 25/01/2017 14:02

You've passed your test. You can either drive or not. If you say you are a nervous driver you are going to be one

Have to say that's total bollocks, I'm surprised at the number of people who seem only capable of binary thought.

Clearly on the day you pass your test you're not as safe a driver as you will be after driving for ten years (hence your insurance premium being massive). You require more concentration because lots of the mechanics of driving hasn't become automatic yet. Although I could legally hire a big van and drive loads of rowdy friends all the way to Edinburgh at night time an hour after passing my test it would be stupid.

There is advice against driving at night and with too many passengers immediately after passing your test for a reason - it's when the majority of accidents happen to new drivers. If you're a nervous driver it won't go away by pretending you're not a nervous driver. It will go away by getting more experience in situations you feel safe in.

Having a baby in the car is an added distraction and she feels it would make her less able to react to something unexpected on the road. I'm sure she knows better than us what will cause her distraction or stress.

user1484317265 · 25/01/2017 14:19

A lot of people would say that you are a safer driver the day you pass your test rather than ten years later, as you are fresh from all your lessons, know the correct techniques, and haven't made lots of bad habits.

If you can't drive with a baby, or you can't drive at night, or you can't drive on a motorway, you shouldn't be driving anyway.