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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:
coconutpie · 23/01/2017 22:13

Wow OP, you will be such a doormat if you pay for her taxi.

burblish · 23/01/2017 23:54

OP, you said, "I half assumed her DP would be taking her." You've also said you don't know/won't comment on why he isn't doing so. I think it's pretty crap of her to demand you take her and make you feel guilty for saying no when she has a partner who could take her. That also makes her outrageous demand that you pay for half her taxi costs even more unreasonable. It's a bit of a pisstake, frankly.

Memoires · 24/01/2017 00:11

Why on earth are you even thinking of paying her taxi, even only half of it?? The only reason she's taking a taxi is because her dh won't take her; nor will he be looking after the baby allowing her to get a lift with you (and then SHE would owe YOU for petrol).

DO NOT PAY HER TAXI FARE.

llangennith · 24/01/2017 00:29

You've passed your test. Either you're competent to drive or you're not.
The baby will be in a car seat so YABU to refuse to take your friend and baby to the wedding as you'll be driving yourself anyway.

kali110 · 24/01/2017 02:36

Agree with all of Zucker comment.
If you're a nervous driver, drinking is the last thing you dhould be doing,even if it is only one.

Downstairspoo · 24/01/2017 03:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 24/01/2017 05:33

As you're best friends I imagine you'll be seated together, can you imagine how awkward you'll feel, knowing BF has to shell out £200 to get there and back, at short notice. Like another poster says, if it's bought up with mutual friends, who might assume you came together, it could get really awkward.
I think you have come to the right decision deciding on the taxi as it's going to be a long day, driving at night isn't much fun as a new driver. Also what I mentioned above won't be that much fun either. As alternative could be, people ask about baby & new Mum hormones leave her feeling guilty that she left DC at home, as £200 on a taxi was just too much. Then you've got a sobbing Mum on your hands too, which just Hmm
Those saying BF is being unreasonable, we don't know how she's feeding baby, alcohol might not be an option. Plus to a new Mum, who's endured a pregnancy and first few weeks with baby, anywhere that isn't the same 4 walls would seem exciting. Not to get totally wrecked, but to show off DC, celebrate the wedding, generally have a fun day out.
It's unreasonable to presume OP is going there, driving Mum & baby, so Mum can get wasted & dump baby on OP.
Another thing I'm wondering is if the happy couple are aware of the newborn being there all day. There was a post a few days back about a Mum who thought her DC was badly affected by a disco. So has she thought how baby will cope? Could you mention this as just a question? Obviously if she is feeding the baby herself, ideally baby needs to be there with her.
Hope you manage to resolve this, I think honestly after a long drive and long event you may be nervous going with just the Mum, as driving when tired is not advisable for anyone.
It's not worth losing a best friend over. You'll have more fun I'm sure without the responsibility of driving.

CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 24/01/2017 06:51

Would it be cheaper to stay overnight and then you can drive.

Your spending a lot of money (£150 each way Shock ) and you're not even bothered about drinking.

gamerchick · 24/01/2017 07:41

Why are you taking a taxi? Is it in the arse end of nowhere? An hour is like 8 quid on the train or something.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 24/01/2017 07:50

If I was the best friend in wouldn't even consider bringing my baby in a car with you even if you offered as you are planning on drinking. You can't say I will only drink until the toasts are done as that is still
Drinking and it takes time for the liver to process alcohol. I think not is really reckless to plan to drink and drive and perhaps even moreso as a new driver. The alcohol is worse than having a baby in the car.

I'm glad to see you have come to your senses and decided to share a taxi.

hippyhippyshake · 24/01/2017 07:54

Can't one dp take you all and the other bring you back? It's only an hour away

RoseGoldHippie · 24/01/2017 08:02

i think a baby in the car, screaming or not, should not overly distract you. The mother would be trying to soothe it.
I would be concerned that you couldn't handle that level of noise at all when there is so much more on the road that could shock/distract you, and you would not be expecting. To be honest I would probably think about taking a booster class.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/01/2017 08:03

Why can't her DP drive her to the wedding and why can't she stay over with her child so her DP can collect her the following day or she could get a taxi (in one direction) home cutting the cost of the taxi by half.
I think she is taking the piss to expect you, a newly qualified driver, to take her and her child to this wedding.
I think CupofTea has a great suggestion that you should stay overnight, the pair of you so that you're doing all your driving in daylight (which is usually less stressful for new drivers)

Trainspotting1984 · 24/01/2017 08:13

i completely agree with OP and refused to to drive my neice a few months after I passed. When you first pass you are still learning. Every journey is a major event with planning, concentration etc.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 24/01/2017 08:20

*Why on earth are you even thinking of paying her taxi, even only half of it?? The only reason she's taking a taxi is because her dh won't take her; nor will he be looking after the baby allowing her to get a lift with you (and then SHE would owe YOU for petrol).

DO NOT PAY HER TAXI FARE.*

^ This.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 24/01/2017 08:21

i think a baby in the car, screaming or not, should not overly distract you. The mother would be trying to soothe it.

{hmm] Really? ODFOD, who made you the boss of what 'should' distract someone? What a ridiculous thing to say! If OP doesn't feel safe driving a squalling infant around just after she's passed her test (and plenty of other posters would feel the same) then she shouldn't do it, end of. She is being a safe and responsible driver.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 24/01/2017 08:27

She isn't being a safe and responsible driver if she is planning to drink. I would not even consider taking my children in a car with a driver who only planned to drink until the toasts were done.

SeahorsesSwim · 24/01/2017 08:58

Yabu. She should pay you some petrol money though. If you've passed your test then you should be competent to drive or pull over if the baby cries and needs a feed/nappy.

If you just don't want a baby in the car in case it's annoying/causes delays/is sick then I can understand that!

CripsSandwiches · 24/01/2017 09:18

*You've passed your test. Either you're competent to drive or you're not.
The baby will be in a car seat so YABU to refuse to take your friend and baby to the wedding as you'll be driving yourself anyway.
*
Yes that's why absolutely everyone has the same insurance premiums......oh no wait. There's a good reason I have to pay best part of a grand for my insurance this year. I'm an inexperienced driver, I've been deemed sufficiently competent to be on the road but I'm more likely to get into an accident than someone whose been driving for years.

You're advised not to drive at night or when tired or distracted after you just pass your test. Obviously you're legally allowed to but I'm legally allowed to do lots of stupid things. If OP doesn't want to take passengers, particularly babies she doesn't have to.In this case she has a good reason not to but even if her reasoning was stupid her friend can't demand a lift from her. It's a favour not a right.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/01/2017 10:23

Ahhh... but did you - cancel the cheque????
Grin

SkyblueAnnie · 24/01/2017 10:59

Aside from the transport issue have you considered how much you might be taking on by ' going together '?

The baby might be a dream, sleep most of the day and be no bother at all.

The wedding I attended with my baby was just bloody hard work and I had DH with me. My parents were also attending the evening do and we had agreed that they would take over so I could let my hair down. They also left early with her when it was clear she had had enough and wouldn't settle.

How are you going to feel if you either have to step in and help all day or try and enjoy the wedding whilst she is busy trying to soothe/feed/change the baby?

Will you be happy to leave early with her if the baby won't settle?

As I said this may not be the case but babies can be unpredictable at times.

I would be happy to help a friend out but I have to be honest I would probably resent having my whole day dictated by someone else's baby when they have a DP who could be around to help

chipsandchilli · 24/01/2017 11:09

what CripsSandwiches says, took me at least 6 months to feel more confident and in the first 2 months of driving i reversed into a wall and into a pole in the dark, hadn't had a single night lesson or motorway lesson but passed my test so could drive.

If the question was from the friend

Best friend has just passed her test, we have been planning to go to a wedding but she has decided she doesn't feel confident enough to drive my baby, she says she is a nervous driver, hasn't had a long run out yet plus she will be driving in the dark late at night after a long day at the wedding, would you let her drive your 4 week old baby......

MrsHathaway · 24/01/2017 11:19

I'm glad you've decided to take a taxi - hope it isn't too pricey.

The more general point about not drinking anything when you plan to drive is that it is so limiting - your plan might be to have just the toast at probably 4 pm and then drive at maybe 10 pm ... but you might be tired sooner, and hanging around until you think you're sober enough makes you more tired and cross and less safe to drive.

Also I would say, as the usual designated driver, it's hard work driving an hour home after a wedding. You have to leave before you're tired, to have enough energy and concentration left to drive safely. If you wait until you're ready to leave (IYSWIM) then you'll be too tired to drive safely. That's hugely dangerous - more dangerous than a glass of wine.

Have a lovely time!

SapphireStrange · 24/01/2017 12:11

I you're going to split the taxi cost, why not just go in the taxi as well?

That's mad if you are driving anyway

Er, she IS going in the taxi. Confused Hmm

gamerchick · 24/01/2017 13:35

Personally any friend who makes a fuss like that and demands someone help cover the cost of a taxi because they aren't getting the ride they expected is capable of having a crisis of money at the late time on the day and the OP will have a choice of paying for the whole thing or driving.

Still, hope it goes smoothly OP, enjoy yourself.