Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:
Original poster
GambaJoe · 24/01/2017 19:33

Hi all, thanks for all the messages. I've decided to spilt taxi fare with friend.

The venue is a barn, so tricky to access with a bus as it would require a lot of walking to venue.

Her DP isn't coming because mine isn't (both good friends and he wouldn't know anybody else). We both were keen to celebrate our friend's day so planned to go together.

I think once this weekend has passed I'll look into methods to build confidence especially with other passengers

OP posts:
Rubies12345 · 24/01/2017 19:47

I think you are being a bit mean if you are planning on driving yourself, and would have taken your friend, but are refusing to take the baby

The OP has said she has recently passed her test and is a nervous driver. Newly qualified drivers have more accidents hence why insurance premiums are more

jayne1976 · 24/01/2017 19:48

I was planning to have a glass of wine (or three) so might be better if we share a taxi. Or obviously as you will still have a baby to look after perhaps it would be appropriate for you to drive, as you won't be drinking anyway

Pendrive · 24/01/2017 19:50

Good decision! You'll have more fun without the worry of driving back in the dark which I still don't like doing. Ignore all the people who say you shouldn't be phased by driving with baby. You were being responsible as you didn't feel comfortable, but no doubt you'll build up your confidence quickly.
Have fun!

AddToBasket · 24/01/2017 19:52

You sound lovely, OP.

You don't have to worry about the drive now so you can enjoy the wedding more. Some people find driving easy and others get distracted.

As someone who deals with the aftermath of road accidents as part of my job, I think a lot of the 'advice' on here has been really irresponsible. If you think you will find it hard to concentrate on a drive and don't want a crying baby, FGS don't take the crying baby if you can avoid it.

Gillybean73 · 24/01/2017 19:53

Gosh, there are so many people on here completely misinformed about how long it takes your body to process alcohol! I had to sit exams on this as I'm a publican, so I can assure you that everyone's body processes and eliminates alcohol in the blood stream at the same rate, which is one unit of alcohol per hour. It doesn't matter whether you're tall, short, fat, thin etc, it takes one hour to burn one unit. The only exception to this is women on the contraceptive pill, who take 1.5 hours to burn one unit. Therefore, it is perfectly safe for the OP to have one or two drinks early in the day, and then be totally fine and legal to drive home at the end of the evening. You need to allow a minimum of 20 minutes after you finish your last drink (to give the alcohol time to be absorbed) before you start any calculations about when you would be safe to drive. Now I'm not for one minute condoning drink driving, nor suggesting that you all nip down your local for a few and then drive back a couple of hours later, but the OP does make it perfectly clear that she's talking about consuming a VERY SMALL amount for the toasts and isn't planning a sesh! She will not be driving home for a LONG time afterwards, so those with your judgey pants on, cut her some slack, as she's not in the wrong here in the slightest!!

Itsjustaphase2016 · 24/01/2017 19:56

It's mean of you not to give her a lift. It really is. You are putting your own emotions above the very real need of your friend. You seriously need to get over it, act like a normal adult and give your friend and her baby a lift. If it's not just an irrational fear, you are honestly concerned that there's a big chance you will have an accident and endanger the life of one of your passengers then tbh you shouldn't be driving at all.

Boiing · 24/01/2017 19:57

Great decision OP. Totally agree you shouldn't drive with a baby in the car unless you are 100% confident that your driving wouldn't be affected if the baby starts yelling. I have been shocked sometimes by how distracting my son can be when he gets worked up about something, and a couple of times I've had to pull over suddenly because it no longer felt safe to drive with such a loud and upsetting noise in the car (he was angry about a toy). And I'm a very experienced driver. A taxi for both of you is a great idea.

Bushymuffmum · 24/01/2017 20:01

I have a friend a bit like you op - a 'nervous driver'. Shes been driving for years now but will never drive anywhere if she doesn't know the route like the back of her hand or it involves getting on the motorway!
It was always the rest of us going to visit her at her house (I live a 20min drive away, very straightforward) and having to ferry her around on nights out. I don't really visit her any more! I don't think she realises how selfish she comes across.
Just take the baby, you're being silly! If you don't do it now you'll never get over it and forever make the excuse of being a 'nervous driver' just like my friend!
Yanbu to pay for her taxi though, that bonkers!

TinselTwins · 24/01/2017 20:04

Bushymuff.. the comparable person to your "nervous driver" in the OPs situation would be the friend with the baby who isn't driving but expects others to sort her transport. The OP does not = your "nervous driver" if you accurately compair the two situations.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 24/01/2017 20:09

No you shouldn't pay for her taxi if you're not going in it. However you did make an arrangement to share a taxi, I think she should think about leaving the baby at home and you both go and enjoy it and go in the taxi together. I can't imagine why she would want to take a baby out to a wedding.

blowmybarnacles · 24/01/2017 20:09

I think you've had some harsh replies.

I would not want the responsibility of the drive and your friend, knowing how nervous shouldn't want her baby in the car with you either !

HorridHenryrule · 24/01/2017 20:19

Sorry to ask this is she breast feeding is that why she is bringing the baby with her?

Bushymuffmum · 24/01/2017 20:21

My point is that if you tell yourself you are a nervous driver, it's likely that this feeling will manifest itself and it can become very difficult to get out of the mentality that you are a 'nervous driver'. Thus setting yourself potentially up to refuse to drive certain places/gift lifts to certain people (what if op one day has kids of her own)?
Isn't it better to just grit your teeth and do it, realise it's absolutely fine and then not have to have the worry of it anymore? Everyone is a bit nervous when they first stat driving, but you can only get over it if you put yourself in the very situations which make you uncomfortable.

I'm kind of trying to be cruel to be kind!

MrsHathaway · 24/01/2017 20:23

Yes, it's good to challenge yourself, but driving friend and baby to and from wedding an hour away in the dark is more than one challenge at once.

Drive friend and baby to shop.
Drive in the dark.
Drive an hour away.
Drive home from a tiring event.

Try each of those at least once before combining!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 24/01/2017 20:25

Blowmy some people are just selfish and assume things will be fine and have no concept of how another person may feel, in this case the OP not feeling confident to drive a baby just in case of the baby crying and distracting her which is actually very sensible. However, I think even going somewhere unknown and driving back in the dark sounds after a long day out sounds like too much for new driver anyway, especially wouldn't have drank as it wound still impair your senses a bit, even if it just made you feel a bit tired. Taxi sounds eminently more sensible.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 24/01/2017 20:26

Totally agree MrsHathaway

GabsAlot · 24/01/2017 20:26

u can take who u like in your car

but i wouldnt drink its just not worth it-its not a definitive thing how long it take to process alcohol-it can take one person 2 hours another an hour-depends on what youve eaten etc-and as youre new it really isnt a rik worth taking

TinselTwins · 24/01/2017 20:27

well I'm of the opinion that noone should ever be a fully "confident" driver, it's sensible to be aware of what distractions you can and cannot manage. just as good swimmers should never become over confident especially in open water

HorridHenryrule · 24/01/2017 20:34

Wouldn't train and then a taxi work out cheaper for you both. You sound to compromising and as you said you have bills to pay as well. Is your friend compromising because you seem to do a lot for her with very little in return. Not even understanding your feelings about driving with a baby. As you said she is a good friend.

CatThiefKeith · 24/01/2017 20:35

Gillybean your information is wrong and misleading. Presumably your personal license course was multiple choice the same as everyone else's.

It takes a minimum of 1 hour to start processing alcohol. As your metabolism slows with age this can increase to up to 90 minutes. It's a nonsense to say we all process at the same rate. What about people with fatty liver disease or alcohol induced cirrhosis? You read your BII booklet wrong. Age, sex, height, bum and general health all have a bearing on the time frame.

Additionally, public health advice (and I was on the course for it today) is now that you should have an hour alcohol free before you start calculating. So if you've had a bottle of wine and gone to bed at 11pm you start your calculations at 12am. An average bottle of wine is 10 units so no driving before 10am for the average person.

Having said that the op would probably be fine but as a publican giving advice you might want to have a look at the up to date guidelines before one of your customers loses their license.

chipsandchilli · 24/01/2017 20:47

No Bushy because it's a long journey, late at night on unfamiliar road's, she hasn't even had the baby in the car yet so this isn't the journey to do it if she is not comfortable. She's not saying she will never take the baby she is not comfortable with this long journey with a baby as an inexprienced driver. She will be fine and do what everyone else does, go further away on bigger journey's bit by bit till you build confidence then the baby can go in the car.

BlondeBecky1983 · 24/01/2017 20:51

I think you're out of order to be honest and should take your friend with you in the car or share a taxi with her.

MolyBoly · 24/01/2017 20:59

Becky, OP has already said she will share the taxi!

However the friend should not have assumed anything without first asking the OP, and why on earth is the friends transport arrangements anything to do with OP, it's not OP's problem. Her friend is an entitled arse tbh.

BlondeBecky1983 · 24/01/2017 21:53

Ahh ok sorry! I read most of the replies but obviously not all!