To not pay for friend's taxi?

[GambaJoe]

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

This thread has shown me that when I do learn to drive ill make sure my boundaries are clear to everyone. I can't believe the entitlement people have to ride in someone else's car.

If I was your friend it would be the end of the friendship to me. How can you be too nervous to take a baby in the car, which will sleep the entire time, but have no worries about driving yourself that far? If you are really that nervous I'd prefer you to not be on the roads until you've got over it.
I feel so, so sorry for your friend, she was excited about going, her first night out and a chance to show her baby to everyone and now you expect her to fork out over £100 in taxi fares while you merrily drive off on your own.

YANBU. I know how you feel about being nervous on your first long journey, you really don't need the added pressure of a crying baby. Suggest to her she leaves the baby with her father, or a babysitter.

Look on it as experience. If you can drive with a newborn you can drive with anyone! You might have to at some point in the future.

Mind you, I'd never take a newborn to a wedding anyway. Seems crazy.

My baby was a flipping nightmare for the first 3 months and would scream blue murder in the car. I am a very confident driver with almost 10 years of driving but she still majorly distracted me, made me nervous and stressed me out!

How does she get over it without driving Zeebo - don't be ridiculous! It is perfectly normal to feel nervous doing the first big drive after passing a test. Lots of people won't, but plenty do!

I think your decision to drive there and not take your friend is very mean. Nevertheless, if a friend of mine did this to me I would puzzled and annoyed but would not expect her to contribute to my taxi.

zeboo - do not assume babies sleep well in cars. what a sweeping comment. my first one did, second one cried throughout all journeys as hated being strapped in.
maybe the friend wants to let her hair down (i.e. have fun not get legless) and also wants to breastfeed her child. that would be reasonable and commendable. there may be other reasons, such as no babysitter, baby dad is hurt/ill/a liability.

However still not ops fault. I think when people say knees jerk things such as 'drop your friend she is a user' they are being very black and white. may be your friend was upset and hurt that you are rejecting her baby rather than being a nasty user who only wants you for her convenience.
maybe OPs sentiment didn't come across well. Doesn't mean either are unreasonable, maybe just misunderstood
(btw I am not normally known for my tolerance and reasonableness!)

Tell her to pay for her OWN taxi for her and her baby! What a cheeky mare! Or share a taxi and go halves?

I can't believe how many people on here don't RTFT.
And also how many presume to tell the OP how she SHOULD be dealing with this issue rather than accepting that she knows herself well enough to anticipate her nervousness with a baby on board. And therefore doesn't want to risk the trip. How on earth could these people justify their po-faced advice if, God forbid, she was persuaded to offer the lift and something awful happened? MNetters are such insidious bullies sometimes.

As a mum of a young baby who will scream for an hour on a car journey I get where the OP is coming from.

However for the sake of a friendship I would recommend getting a taxi with your mate and splitting the bill, just as you would have done if you had failed your test.

Btw I would also recommend you NEVER plan to drink and drive - not even 1 drink. If you drive then have no alcohol at all. Much easier that way as it is so black n white.

Train there and back will be much quicker. She sounds very entitled.

YANBU, I have been driving for years but the sound of a young baby in the back is the most distracting thing I can imagine!

Your friend is nuts expecting you to pay

also, if a friend said that they didn't feel experienced enough to drive my kids, I wouldn't want my kids in their car (yet) anyway!

In my opinion, having just passed your test you may well be safer than someone who has been driving for years and become blasé as you are more likely to be steady and cautious. So I think YABU not to take your friend and her baby. If she is happy to have you drive her new baby then she is taking responsibility. There's no way you should even be contemplating drinking any alcohol though with being just qualified. I'm sure you would be just fine. Have a few drives in the meantime and then go with your friend and have a great time

If I was your friend it would be the end of the friendship to me. How can you be too nervous to take a baby in the car, which will sleep the entire time, but have no worries about driving yourself that far

No one knows if the baby will sleep, why do you assume the baby will just because they are in a car. She has no worries driving herself because she will only be responsible for herself and not a baby. What a ridiculous comment about not being on the roads, as a new driver how else will she build her confidence, just because you pass a test doesn't mean you have driven at night or for long journeys never mind the pressure of carrying someone else's baby. If someone said to me sorry i don't feel confident enough yet to be responsible for driving your baby as i don't have the experience/havent drven in the dark on unfamiliar roads and i am nervous to start with no way would i put my baby in a car with them just to have a lift. Do you drive?

Friend could have her DP drive her there and back or watch the baby while they both drive there and back, i wouldn't want someone to stay friends with me if i sad sorry i can't give you a lift and they demanded tax fares.

"And also how many presume to tell the OP how she SHOULD be dealing with this issue rather than accepting that she knows herself well enough to anticipate her nervousness with a baby on board. And therefore doesn't want to risk the trip. How on earth could these people justify their po-faced advice if, God forbid, she was persuaded to offer the lift and something awful happened? MNetters are such insidious bullies sometimes."

insidious entitled bullies.

*taxi fares

What Scottish said

Sharing a taxi is a good idea. That way you can relax and have a drink too.

SIBU to think you should have driven her. It's up to you to offer a lift or not.

how would this friend and her baby get to the wedding had you not been invited?

I would never expect my friends to put themselves in uncomfortable situations for my benefit, and I completely understand how you feel about driving with a new baby. it is a huge responsibility and a massive distraction if they are crying. and looking at the potential cost of a taxi I'm guessing it's not a 5min journey.

Newborns can cry a lot, especially in a car when strapped in. It's absolutely understandable that you don't want to do this.

You do your friend a favour by ferrying her around in your car, at your expense (petrol costs more, the heavier a car is - that duo shopping trip to Tesco costs more than it would if you went alone) and rather than be grateful, she's taking your services so for granted that if you withdraw them for any reason she expects you fund someone else to provide that level of service?

She sounds a spoilt brat. If this is her notion of friendship, I'm surprised she has any.

may be your friend was upset and hurt that you are rejecting her baby rather than being a nasty user who only wants you for her convenience.

I'd agree with that if the thread was only about a distressed and hurt mother. But it's about one with her hand out for a wad of tenners.

Also begs the question of why DP has not been invited to the wedding?! Seems very strange if they have a child together- obviously an established relationship... can't understand why he is not getting involved. The idea of taking a young baby alone to a wedding fills me with horror, especially being reliant on a friend's transport to get away if there is an issue.... I agree. Don't give her a lift. Get a taxi if you feel bad (I can understand that), but don't drive them. You will be terrified, she will be stressed. Just all round bad. I understand as it took me 2 years to get the confidence to drive on a motorway alone! Sorry you've had to deal with this- so tricky!

Wise decision to just share a taxi with your friend. I was nervous when I first started driving. I wouldn't have wanted to take a baby either. But then I wouldn't have wanted to drive back from a wedding in the dark alone. Now you can have a few drinks and not have to worry about driving.

Not sure how much fun your friend is going to have with her baby at a wedding though