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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for friend's taxi?

338 replies

GambaJoe · 23/01/2017 15:36

Best friend and I have been very excited to go to a mutual friend of ours wedding for some time.

Beat friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down and show off her baby.

I've recently learned to drive and have my license. I am still a nervous driver and friend is now assuming that I'll be driving her and baby to wedding.

The thing is: I don't want a baby in my car. I don't feel ready to have that responsibility on my shoulders (not only for a worse case scenario but also crying while driving ect)

Friend is now in a huff and expecting me to pay or contribute to her getting there and getting back home.

WWYD? Drive the baby or help/pay taxi fare

OP posts:
imjessie · 24/01/2017 17:27

Why can't she drive !! Don't pay for her taxi !!!

Littlelondoner · 24/01/2017 17:28

My main question is. What is she doing with baby at the wedding? What if she wants to get off early etc. Or baby really wont settle. She wants to get off early etc etc. Would be more a case of baby dictating the scedule of the day more than anything.

Jaxhog · 24/01/2017 17:30

YANBU. What a cheek!

Yogimummy123 · 24/01/2017 17:37

I would prob take the Baby but drive super slow & careful. I don't like driving anyone I don't know but a baby is easier. They generally fall asleep & u could always pull over if the baby does cry - just leave plenty of time. Otherwise is there anyone else going (suitably insured) who would want to drive your car & take u all there in case the baby cries & it puts u off?

Strongmummy · 24/01/2017 17:39

I can understand your concern, but if she's comfortable with you taking her daughter then YABU.

Estilou · 24/01/2017 17:39

My husband is a nervous driver and wouldn't take passengers for years. I am not however when I have other people's kids in my car I feel the extra responsibility. It doesn't bother me but I drive extra carefully. I can understand how you feel. I can also understand 130 quid is a lot of money and she may feel miffed. Is there another solution of maybe somebody else who has more driving experience giving her a lift? I think somehow there must be a workaround.

FirstTimeMum07 · 24/01/2017 17:42

I understand your a newish/nervous driver, I get nervy with my baby in the car and he's 8 months old almost, but you gotta get over your fears at some point, can you try a little practice drive (to tescos) with mum and baby to get your confidence built up??

As for your friend asking you to pay/contribute to the cab fare, that's not right and you were right to refuse

Definitely think about the practice drives to build up your confidence ☺☺☺

user1483875094 · 24/01/2017 17:45

"Best friend has recently had a baby so is excited to let her hair down" - oh my goodness, does that mean you must also look after her new baby, AND her after she has finished "letting her hair down?" All sounds very dodgy to me, and I think you should be very careful indeed. BTW are the "couple" happy to have new-borns at their wedding?

Sabsy1 · 24/01/2017 17:46

Does she not care about safety of her own baby????
You are doing this because of safety and she isn't appreciating you being honest with her???
Let me tell you, I passed my test 16 years before I had my baby and have loads of experience driving in different situations all over the world..... but when my little one screams (2 years on) it still irritates the hell out of me and very often I stop to sort him out before I carry on.
Don't share taxi with her and don't pay for it! She is being seriously unreasonable.

SpermThroughASashWindow · 24/01/2017 17:47

Hopefully your friend is hormonal and will see how unreasonable she is being. If I were you I would take your friend and the baby, leave in plenty of time and take the journey easy. Drive slowly and carefully. If you really don't want to, you shouldn't have to pay for a taxi for her.

HoneyJ · 24/01/2017 17:48

Perhaps ask her if she'd like to contribute to the driving lessons, driving test, running costs, insurance, fuel, MOT and wear and tear of your car-which should amount to the same as a taxi?! Wink It's a shame that you can't share a lift, but if you're nervous about driving the baby and its safety, that's your call and she has to accept that. After all, you've only got her best interests at heart.

Robstersgirl · 24/01/2017 17:51

I think you're being mean.

shrimpsmum · 24/01/2017 17:55

Did you tell her why you didn't want to take the baby? Personally I would be very grateful for your honesty. It is one thing to drive yourself when you are nervous but quite another to be driving with another persons most precious cargo on board. Don't be pressurised into something you don't feel comfortable doing.

K00kie · 24/01/2017 17:56

Is a £200 taxi the only way of getting to the wedding?! No trains go that way? Where is the wedding - in the middle of a desert?

YANBU. You're the driver, you decide whom to drive.

Shona52 · 24/01/2017 17:57

No way it's not your duty to chauffeur her and her baby nor should you foot the bill for her getting to the wedding. She should not have assumed anything and this issue wouldn't have been created.

If your not comfortable doing something as a new driver your being responsible not doing it till your ready. But maybe you could try and do a short drive with your friends and baby and see how you get on. You don't know till you try

K00kie · 24/01/2017 17:57

Perhaps ask her if she'd like to contribute to the driving lessons, driving test, running costs, insurance, fuel, MOT and wear and tear of your car-which should amount to the same as a taxi?!

Honey makes a very good point there.

life07 · 24/01/2017 17:58

I don't drive but think your friend is taking the mick. it is not your responsibility to chauffeur her around. That she wants to let her down ect while having the baby makes me think she expects you to look after the baby when she's had drinks. I would be wary op seems she's decided that as you drive she can use you for free trips.

K00kie · 24/01/2017 18:12

Life07 makes an excellent point too. To let down one's hair while showing off the baby is an oxymoron.

Alexcor · 24/01/2017 18:13

If you are unhappy driving with baby as nervous driver, then don't! Also car seats need fitted properly, do you have one? Checkout trains, buses or an experienced driver friend who would take you for less money! Don't ever drive with someone holding child on their lap, it is dangerous as in crash their body weight will crush child, just in case this is suggested.

a1poshpaws · 24/01/2017 18:17

I think, take her and the baby, because - you're a careful driver, yes?? Tell her you can't talk and drive ... you should be able to shut-off any crying from the baby: if you can't you're really not yet ready to be driving unsupervised even if you have passed your test. If you're driving and feel you're classifying yourself as a nervous driver, then even one drink would be too much so toast the couple with soda not bubbly. Just my opinion. But to expect you to pay for her taxi is ridiculous ... how would she get there if you weren't around? Case closed on that one.

MrsHathaway · 24/01/2017 18:18

Is a £200 taxi the only way of getting to the wedding?!

If it's an hour's drive then it could easily be £200 in a taxi. And if the venue isn't very near the station/bus stop then you'd need a taxi for part of the journey anyway, even assuming there are regular services late at night on a Saturday.

You can tell who on this thread lives rurally Grin Three buses a day round here if you're lucky, last train arrives here around 11.30 pm and that's the crawler so you have to leave city dos by ten.

38cody · 24/01/2017 18:20

I don't think you should pay for her but I do kinda get her point. Did you at anytime agree or imply that you would drive her and baby?
If you're driving there and back anyway it seems really really mean to make her get a really really expensive taxi as you swan off in an empty car!
Why don't you just tell her you're nervous and ask if she would mind sitting in back with baby and just drive. If you had a baby now surely you would take it the car with you?
I think your p'd off that baby is coming and are being deliberately difficult tbh.
No, you don't owe her money but you are being a crap friend to go to the same destination in an empty car. If you really won't allow her DD in your car then share a taxi and have a few drinks - sounds to me like you could do with loosening up.
Are you jealous that she's had a baby? Otherwise this just doesn't make sense to me.

debbiew21 · 24/01/2017 18:21

I think you're both wrong. She shouldn't naturally expect you to take her but your refusal to do so is a bit mean, to say the least, especially as you are still planning on driving yourself. She is totally wrong to ask you to pay her taxi fare though.
The best answer is to explain that it isn't personal against the baby, it's just that you're worried sick about the responsibility of driving a newborn. Offer to share the taxi with her and go halves. It isn't ideal but I couldn't drive myself knowing my friend was paying that much in taxi fares. That would be just as mean. Could you use public transport at least part of the way? There may not be trains running on the way back but could you get a train to the nearest station and just get a taxi from the station to the venue? That would work out cheaper.

cheval · 24/01/2017 18:21

Both get in a taxi, split the cost and then all can relax and not worry about driving/drinking etc. Think your friend may be a bit hormonal and you a bit tense, so wires have got crossed and frazzled.

Daddycool1979 · 24/01/2017 18:22

Just to clarify. It's her first night out since having her little one and she wants to take her with her!!

Tell her to leave little one at home and join you, in your car, for a proper Girlie night out.

Problem solved.