To have finally done it and left dh.

[HannahSmithson45]

Gone and left dh. The last have been hell, if you don't remember my previous posts, in short my stepchildren have bullied my son, my husband had booked a holiday without me and my son (later rectified). Yesterday my stepson violently punched and kicked my son. My son was punched in the face and kicked in the groin (you know where). This started over ds taking the tv show stepkids were watching off pause. I blame myself partly because I told ds last time to stick up for himself when they call him names. So ds called them names from there. I was upstairs at the time of the fight ( not really as ds never hit back). I came down and that was it I had a massive shout at the two stepchildren and left. I went straight to the police station as that is assault.

I am pregnant with dh child and I am so lost. I am not going back to that house so he can be punched and kicked physically and verbally. I made sure ds was okay as it can be serious getting a blow down there.
Dh is begging me to come back and I have said that it is me or the stepkids and that is it.

This is depressing, taking it slow to me would suggest dating again and seeing if he was still taking responsiblity in 3 months. Your son has been abused and you're taking him back there without even a week of peace? I do hope I'm wrong, but it does not sound like either of you are putting the kid's first.

Hi, Just been and read through your other posts.... Well done for leaving him!

I think I just wanted to post and offer you support but also point out that none of these children are truely children anymore... they are young adults. You did right in reporting the physical violence to the police - if this young man is willing to "fight" with another just because he unpaused the TV he's not stable enough to be out in the world on his own and NEEDS the discipline that his father isn't giving him. Good on you!

Change needs to be sustained over a much longer period than 3 days. 3 days is too easy to put on a front and quickly revert to type. You can change your mind and insist upon counselling first before you will move back. Tell him on reflection you need to see this change is going to stick before you risk your sons physical and mental health again by going back.

cherrycokefairy
Did you not read that OP is going back to him next week?

They're only crapping their pants because you got the police involved. You'd be an idiot to go back especially with your history.

And what does it treat your son? ? That he doesn't deserve better ??

You're taking the easy option and putting yourself and the new baby first, not on at all and it's far too early.

maras2 no sorry I didn't hands out wrist to be slapped

I agree with pretty much everyone on here... It's not a long enough break - personally I think now is the perfect time to go on a little holiday just you and your son. I also reckon like others that you should start the therapy sessions before you go back.

I'm struggling to get a whole page to load so sorry if this has already been answered but have you asked your son if he wants to go back? does he want a longer break from this environment?

I can only imagine their behaviour getting worse in the coming months as you begin to focus on baby more (which is totally understandable) - and I gotta admit it must be hard for them to have had their dad move on with another woman and then start a 'new' family with her - which whilst we know this isn't whats happening I bet that's what these teenagers are thinking.... They need professional help with everything that is going on - sending them back to mums is going to make tensions possibly even worse (I'd do the same thing in your situation.... but that won't change how they feel and react etc)

What does your son want to do?

I can't believe you are moving back in with him so soon, what the hell are you thinking

I haven't read previous threads so apologise if this is naive, but this sounds like a relationship you and dh both want, and is ok other than the issue around the kids, who are actually young adults. And in a couple of years are going to have their own adult lives, and are old enough to realise their father's long term relationship that might still be there for him three, five, ten years from now shouldn't have to be sacrificed because they choose to behave badly. And I say that as a teenaged step child myself, I was younger than any of these kids and understood no matter what my personal feelings, I didn't have the right to dump them all over everyone else and make them everyone else's problem, and that my father's happiness mattered too.

Is an option to discuss that if young adults don't want to be a blended family they don't have to? They didn't choose this, they're old enough to be entitled to decide they don't want to have a relationship with each other and that's fine. That could go a number of ways in discussion with them: they don't have to have a relationship but being in the house together (and it sounds like they're motivated to do this) means being civil and appropriate. Or dh can plan time with his children outside of the house, and his and their relationship is just them together and the two sets of teenagers don't have to meet up much at all. Or they come over only during your ds's time with his father.

Please do make sure your midwife and later your heath visitor are fully informed that dh's young adults have been jealous and aggressive to your son to the point of a police caution. You and dh are going to need to be very careful (and you are going to need a professional ready on your side to help you insist on this if dh loses sight of it) that the baby and later toddler does not end up a victim of any more jealous/angry venting, and aware that new and vulnerable babies evoke powerful feelings, particularly in hurt kids. All your kids need protecting from this happening. Therapy is good but it isn't a magic bullet or a quick fix.

Run too much is at stake - at best your sons happiness at worst your babies life.