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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have finally done it and left dh.

160 replies

HannahSmithson45 · 23/01/2017 15:04

Gone and left dh. The last have been hell, if you don't remember my previous posts, in short my stepchildren have bullied my son, my husband had booked a holiday without me and my son (later rectified). Yesterday my stepson violently punched and kicked my son. My son was punched in the face and kicked in the groin (you know where). This started over ds taking the tv show stepkids were watching off pause. I blame myself partly because I told ds last time to stick up for himself when they call him names. So ds called them names from there. I was upstairs at the time of the fight ( not really as ds never hit back). I came down and that was it I had a massive shout at the two stepchildren and left. I went straight to the police station as that is assault.

I am pregnant with dh child and I am so lost. I am not going back to that house so he can be punched and kicked physically and verbally. I made sure ds was okay as it can be serious getting a blow down there.
Dh is begging me to come back and I have said that it is me or the stepkids and that is it.

OP posts:
randomer · 23/01/2017 17:14

ok got that info now.....very hard. Teenage kids.

SeaEagleFeather · 23/01/2017 17:20

Ouch. Then it's probably too late.

MrsPeelyWally · 23/01/2017 17:20

OP, I remember your posts. Its all very sad but for now you just think of you, your unborn baby, and your son. Time will tell how this is going to pan out but for now you are both living in peace and thats how it should be.

YouTheCat · 23/01/2017 17:36

You gave him the chance to sort it out and stop playing 'Disney Dad' the last time.

He hasn't and it's got worse. I don't blame you for leaving.

Original poster
HannahSmithson45 · 23/01/2017 18:29

My ds is okay. He is a bit shaken. It was never stepson that was particaully bad to him that was stepdaughter. He has to go to school with them though which is not great but it's a big school.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 23/01/2017 18:47

Might be a good idea to let the school know so that they are aware of any potential bullying

BaDumShh · 23/01/2017 19:44

OP you have done the right thing. Those kids are vile and your son deserves a safe home.

If I were you, I'd start putting measures in place to ensure that your new baby is never around those two.

RogueStar01 · 23/01/2017 20:11

yes, you need to tip off the school in case there are any repercussions at school. Very hard to blend a family with teenagers. I agree with Ba, I would want explicit legal conditions that the baby wasn't ever left in the care of the teen step-kids when with your DP.

SheldonCRules · 23/01/2017 20:24

Wannabe has summed it up really well, a sad case of adult wants rather than what's best for the children and then adding another to the mix before the blended family was working means a new child now has to suffer.

It sounds like there was fault on both sides and wasn't dealt with.

Original poster
HannahSmithson45 · 23/01/2017 21:00

I will tip off the school.

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 22:08

Excellents point there from BaDumShh and RogueStar01

bunnylove99 · 23/01/2017 22:16

Hannah. I read your other post about the holiday and everything. So sorry to hear your son has been assaulted. I think you have done the right thing moving out and wish you the best moving on. Flowers

Casablanca78 · 23/01/2017 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
HannahSmithson45 · 24/01/2017 18:17

The school were really shocked at the behaviour of the stepchildren. Although it is a large school it is very much a community and I take a very active role in the school. Ds says nothing has happened between him and stepchildren at school apart from lots of questions from other kids and a few looks from stepdaughter.

The police have given stepson a caution. Which I think is appropriate.

Dh popped in today and he in all honesty he was really understanding and has agreed that as a whole family we will seek family therapy.

I also received a phone call from dh ex (stepkids ex). She has called to apologise on behalf of her son and says that her dc behaviour was unacceptable. This is good because she was previously being lax on punishment.

I also got a phone call from stepson apologising and to ds. He sounded genuine and dh says it wasn't forced.

OP posts:
Original poster
HannahSmithson45 · 24/01/2017 18:38

Bump

OP posts:
Welshgirl40 · 24/01/2017 18:46

That sounds all really positive, and as though they are all learning from the culmative result of spiralling episodes.
How do you feel about it all? Do you feel that you and your son (and bump) will be able to forgive them, and begin moving forward, with the family therapy as support?

BaDumShh · 24/01/2017 18:50

It sounds as though the step kids have had a massive shock at the repurcussions of this, and have finally realised that they can't go around acting like little shits (putting it mildly) and get away with it any more. Most kids learn this lesson before 15-17, it's sad it took them this long and entirely the fault of their parents that it did.

ohfourfoxache · 24/01/2017 18:58

Oh Hannah

This is such a lot to go through, particularly at the moment.

How is your ds tonight?

EweAreHere · 24/01/2017 19:07

So NOW they care... after they've literally pushed you and DS to the breaking point.

I'd say no thanks, too little, too late. But that's me.

Mix56 · 24/01/2017 19:56

That is good that everyone is apologising, but the Mum probably read the riot act after the police were called. (to keep out of trouble)
Don't go back yet........ You all need time to consider the seriousness of this, particularly your P, who should have manned up to being with

RogueStar01 · 24/01/2017 19:57

i think that sounds cautiously promising op, i'm glad the step kids have had a bit of a shock and their mum is finally getting it as well as your DP. I hope the family therapy is useful and you can build things back together slowly.

Figgygal · 24/01/2017 20:01

It sounds like they've all got the shock they need to realise this situation was unacceptable and your dh particularly.

What happens now?

hollie11 · 24/01/2017 20:08

Placemarking

contractor6 · 24/01/2017 20:13

Not wanting to be negative, but the apology coming after the police caution doesn't seem genuine. I'm concerned if you go back the ss may think his actions are forgivable, like domestic violence victims who don't leave their abuser. Sorry if not quite putting this well its been a long day.
What punishment is dh and his wife giving to ss, and that matter to sd for her previous behaviour?

NurseP · 24/01/2017 21:28

I hope you don't rush back. You and your son need time. The Trust between the family has to be rebuilt and earned. An apology after police involvement is a start but they need to earn your trust back and show they are truly sorry.