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Original poster

She stole my name!

293 replies

tepidtulip · 22/01/2017 17:05

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

OP posts:
glitterazi · 22/01/2017 21:50

I'd just go ahead and call your baby Toby anyway. Does it really matter if your SIL has called her dog it as well?!
If anyone asks or comments say " yes, we loved the name when we were naming our baby, and SIL liked it so much she decided to use it as well."
If anyone comes out of it looking daft, she does.
If she says anything when you call baby Toby, say "yes, well we did tell you that's what we're calling him."

InvisibleKittenAttack · 22/01/2017 21:50

Agree the name isn't a problem, it's the sneekiness to try to find out the name you'd picked in order to 'steal' it. She clearly planned to upset you/upstage you.

I'd pick something else, but if you really love Toby, then still call your baby that, the dog will be dead in around a decade. The SIL's 'one upmanship' will have backfired when her dog isn't more important in the family to your actual real human child.

oleoleoleole · 22/01/2017 21:51

She's a bitch. Your Toby will be a real baby and her Tobias is not. Be the bigger person and don't rise to her petty game. Call your son Toby, and if he ever makes the connection when he's older you can tell him the story about how Auntie xxx wanted a baby so much but couldn't have one she got the dog just before you were born and give him a name similar to the one we chose for you.

Incidentally I'd ask her why she chose Tobias if she was going to use Toby. Anyone with a Tobias will tell you they have a 'bias not a Toby!

I'm annoyed in your behalf!

Soubriquet · 22/01/2017 21:57

My nan had 2 dogs (well actually she had 7) that was the same name as my Dd and my 4 year old brother!

Dd's name dog is now dead and brothers names dog will be dead in a couple of years

Still use the name if you want to

seven201 · 22/01/2017 22:01

Yep I think you should stick with Toby. Lovely name. Anytime anyone points out it's the same as sil's dog say she did know that was what you'd be calling your son.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 22/01/2017 22:09

Call your baby Toby. Call the dog Toby. Have a wonderful time with your Toby, have fun playing with hers.

It's a chocolate Lab puppy. It's cute as fuck. The fact it has the same name as your child really won't matter, so focus on your happiness and hope that chocolate Lab Toby brings some joy of her own to your SIL. For all you know, she could be hating herself now for having done something that pathetic.

Mrsmadevans · 22/01/2017 22:12

Shes a bitch... I hate her on your behalf yadnbu and I am so sorry my dear , congratulations on your baby and have you thought that when the baby is born you may change your mind completely bc they just dont look like the name you thought of !

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/01/2017 22:14

Sadly happens a lot. Least only a dog and not friends chiid etc

This is why df and I aren't telling anyone the 3 names we like

ESP as have 3 preg friends all around the same time and one a relative as well

If you really Ike the name then call your son it

But make your views very clear to sil and inland

Mention why you told her. As she said she was doing a pressie that was named

GTS · 22/01/2017 22:14

Also pregnant, due four days before you. I would be fucking livid if my SIL did that to me, it's hard enough finding a suitable boys name that we can both agree on. I would be even MORE livid if she refused to change the name once she knew how upset I was.
What a cow, YANBU!!

WhooooAmI24601 · 22/01/2017 22:16

We just called our kitten Toby! I love the name; it was one of our short-list for DS2 but we settled on another name.

Call your baby Toby and when people ask about SIL explain truthfully that she's a mad bastard who stole your child's name.

TheNiffler · 22/01/2017 22:17

Oh yes, make a HUGE thing about the lovely embroidered gift she's making, with Toby's name on it. People aren't stupid, they'll get what you're actually telling them.

Plus, SIL is going to have to deliver on it now, or she's going to look even worse, if that's possible.

KarmaNoMore · 22/01/2017 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingermumi · 22/01/2017 22:22

My son is called Toby, named after a hamster that was named after grandma's horse. It's a great name just go ahead and use itGrin

chuffingtrain · 22/01/2017 22:28

name your youngster Toby, (what if you have a girl ? ) but tell your SIL that her dog will only last a few years, and give her that tinkling laugh back.... mad pregnant women over nut job sister ?? you'll win in the end :)

chipscheesentomatosauce · 22/01/2017 22:34

Call him Toby. I love it, and it's what I wanted to call my son, but his dad wasn't having it. A couple of years after we had him, my aunt called her dog the same name as we eventually chose Hmm If I ever have another, he'll be Toby (I hope!).

PussInCoutts · 22/01/2017 22:41

Call your DS Toby and refer to SIL's dog as Tobias?

Or go NC with her as PP suggested

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/01/2017 22:41

That was a storyline on Kath and Kim. Kim finally settled on "Epponnee-Rae" for the baby, then Kath went out and bought a poodle and gave it the same name!

wowfudge · 22/01/2017 22:53

That's exactly what this thread reminded me of Gatorade. Statue of the baby cheeses anyone?

wowfudge · 22/01/2017 22:54

You missed the umlaut btw Wink

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 22/01/2017 23:18

My youngest son has the same name as my parents' dog. It's also my grandfather's name and I forgot about the dog when I named my son. The (horrid, yappy) dog will be dead long before my son is old enough to mind.
She obviously did it to hurt you. Don't let her succeed in that.

foxedkat · 22/01/2017 23:26

Once the baby is born start calling the dog "Toby's guard dog" "guard" for short.

mum2Bomg · 22/01/2017 23:31

I'd use it anyway and spend the whole of your son's life telling this story loudly to as many people as you can. In front of her. Years of fun.

mirokarikovo · 22/01/2017 23:40

Do carry on and call your baby Toby as planned.

Practice your own tinkley laugh and "no SIL's dog is named after our Toby. The dog was only named after she found out what our baby's name would be. but imitation is the highest form of praise isn't it"

FrozeninSummer · 22/01/2017 23:46

I'd still go with Toby if that's the name you like. I normally agree with ' no one owes a name' but what she has done is mean. She probably expects you to choose a different name but don't feel like you have to.

She sounds a bit pathetic tbh and let's face it isn't probably in the place she thought she would be in her late 40s..May be jealous even? But she sounds particularly nasty not to change the name after she was told how upset you were. I don't think you'd be out of order to reduce contact or to tell her how upset you feel after you've waited a long time for your baby. Seriously though the joke is on her...No one is going to give much care to her dog baby when your real baby is here and she's going to look very pathetic to anyone you tell the reasons for the similar names.

mmgirish · 22/01/2017 23:49

Your SIL sounds like one to watch OP. I would keep a close eye on her as the years pass.