She stole my name!

[tepidtulip]

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

It is a bitchy move, but I'd still use the name, just shows she couldn't be original enough

I can already see your post in 2018 "bat shit crazy SIL having 1st birthday party for DOG days before my sons 1st birthday"

Whether you use the name or not, I would keep referring to the dog as Toblerone until it sticks with other people "well of course it's Toblerone, because he is a chocolate lab, get it?" laugh "I mean, nobody would be stupid/selfish/crazy enough to call their dog after their new little nephew would they"

She's deliberatly been a cow and you are nbu but she'll only really win of you let it get you down.
Go one better and have Jareth. He's the Goblin King who steals Toby from his home and wbts to turn him into a Goblin.

Toblerone that's brilliant!

"Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!"

It's crazy. Just call your baby Toby and call the dog Tobias.

I would not avoid her because of this but I would certainly feel she was a quite sad individual and I would not be sticking the 'embroidery' anywhere nice.

Not read all the posts by the way!

Yes, Toblerone is brilliant!

I was a bit on the fence sbout this until you wrote that your DSIL was 'graciously allowing' you to use the name Toby too -- after she had snuck in and used it for her dog first. (Totally weird and as PPs have said, a bit pathetic too. )
I'd definitely set the record straight with the PILs -- you and your DH should be clear with them on exactly how the situation came about and that her 'permission' to you to use it is just an attrmpt to put herself in a good light.
She sounds plain nasty.

Possibly the hormones talking but YANBU.

I would not be amused.

Be prepared though, in however many years when the dog dies, she'll play the "I'm so upset, every time someone calls out your sons name i remember my poor tobias, poor me, etc"

It's pretty horrible of her but I suspect it's going to back fire on her when your baby gets more attention than her dog. Your son will become the most important Toby - don't let some daft sad woman stop you using the name you love.

Surely it's weird to call a dog Tobias with the full intention of calling it Toby?

Where's the OP gone? Back under the bridge?

If this is real, YANBU at all (obviously). Not a nice move by SIL. She must realise it's an awful thing to do. Call your child Toby and explain this story to anyone who queries it.

Your baby is so lovely and sweet that before birth people are naming things after him! How flattering is it that Sil loves her nephew this much already. At least that's what I'd be telling everyone to take the wind out her sails

Anyway, let her have this, she's got a whole month to enjoy her silly game, till your beautiful baby comes along and all is forgotten.

My parents did this accidentally (we didn't know what the babies name would be, and the dog's name was very old fashioned). My parents were mortified and the dog's name got changed.
Background: all our dogs have human names, but unusual or oldfashioned ones to prevent this sort of thing. But friends called their daughter Augusta so the dog got a new name. Doing it intentionally, and with a popular name is more than a bit strange.

So am I the only person who thinks they should ask her why she named a dog after the main character in Oz? (Only Tobias I've ever heard of and is never called Toby in it as far as I know!)

My cousin just named their child the name I've wanted for my baby since I was 12 and which means a lot to me. I'm absolutely devastated, and feel like I will now be "copying them" whether a name is "stealable" or not! At least it wasn't a dog though - I'd be insulted then! I don't think yabu. flowers

Devastated?

I'd go one step beyond, OP.

I think I'd have baby's name registered as Tobias, and order one of those mock-up birth certificates off t'interweb to confirm his middle name as "The Human" or "Notadog" or something along those lines. So much the better if your DS and batshit SIL share a surname!

Don't play into her hands and give up the name you've chosen - once you've done it the once, she'll continue to set you up for it in many new and increasingly batshit ways.

YANBU. Btw, you are not copying her, she is copying you and that's the actual truth. Call your son Toby and if anyone mentions they have the same name, just say "yeah, she copied DS's name for her dog. Bit weird, huh? But hey, doesn't bother us if she can't think of any other names for her dog, poor soul"

I don't think you'd be misrepresenting the situation.

Obviously you should name the baby Chocolate Labrador, or Chocky for short .

One of my friends named her baby the same name I'd chosen for mine. Unusual name and also my grandmothers. She knew too and it was only 3 months before I was due. I chose a different name for DD and kind of regret it now, 10 years later. So I say call your baby boy Toby, she can fuck off!

I've been thinking about this thread. Obviously I don't know your SIL but if she is unkind generally is there the slightest possibility she may be nasty to your ds because of him having the same name as the dog? Eg likening him to a dog or bullying him about it? Some adults never really grow out of that playground type behaviour. Was just a thought. Although I guess if she was like that you would just keep your distance. As I say I have no idea what she is like so could be way off the mark!

Personally I'd go for a different name. Just ignore her. She's not worth worrying about.

I am assuming the rest of your in-laws are reasonable people so I suggest you name your son Toby anyway. They will soon tire of the dog and baby having the same name and make her change it especially as she is living under their roof.

Devastated?

Yes, devastated. It means really upset. Which I was.

Cal the dog Penis.... My cousin has 3 children. I have 3 siblings. Two of her children have the same names as two of my siblings. I reckon she just didn't like my name or my sister's name enough... doesn't actually matter anyway tbh.