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Original poster

She stole my name!

293 replies

tepidtulip · 22/01/2017 17:05

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

OP posts:
OhhBetty · 22/01/2017 19:22

I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from laughing at how pathetic she is! The lengths some people go to just to be a dick never ceases to amaze me. I'd still call he baby Toby but that's just me. Tbh I wouldn’t make a habit of seeing SIL anyway so it wouldn't matter. I'd refer to the dog as Tobias or dog.

Wallywobbles · 22/01/2017 19:23

Don't get a rat just pretend to buy a snake with SILs name. She never has to actually see it.

DesolateWaist · 22/01/2017 19:23

Seriously people?

So this woman has broken up with a long term partner and is now dealing with the fact that she will most probably never have children.
And you lot call her 'batshit', 'mental' and 'insane.'
Delightful.

sopsmum · 22/01/2017 19:27

Well it is batshit. Whilst she may be struggling mentally that is no reason to deliberately try and upset her sil. Has she always behaved like this op? She doesn't seem to like you much!

Servicesupportforall · 22/01/2017 19:28

Yes have to say I think your sil is a bit daft but there have been some totally OTT comments here.

It's your sils dog seriously it doesn't matter just crack on with your name and rise above it.

HamletsSister · 22/01/2017 19:29

Buy a really unpleasant ugly pet. (Iguana, rat.....) and name it after her. Repeatedly refer to it in front of her. Then, when it shits, eats the furniture or whatever, you have something to drop into conversation.

LagunaBubbles · 22/01/2017 19:35

It is only a name however it Sara a lot about what kind of person she is. Which isn't a very nice one by the sounds of it. So whilst life will carry on - you with baby Toby and her with dog Toby I wouldn't be having much to do with her really.

Tabbylady · 22/01/2017 19:35

Urgh she has definitely done this on purpose! Who knows what reason for though, totally unreasonable. I'd still call the baby Toby. And echo what PP have said about the dog having a limited lifespan (no one is going to get them confused as adults, like if they were cousins with same name)

Whoever said to refer to the dog as toblerone - brilliant!

FWIW growing up all our pets had "human" names- George, Alice, Steve, etc. Amanda the gerbil was a favourite. A few of them shared names with kids in my class who absolutely LOVED it. It was funny and exciting as a kid. It might be a nice think for your wee one.

We have kept up that tradition and our recent cats have been given names that it turned out were in the top 20 girls' names this year (not intentionally, just liked the names!) however one of my friends was pregnant and I checked with her first before we had them baptised registered at the vet!

We have two DS who referred to them as their "baby sisters" (we just have one now :( ) so I think the comment about her referring to the dog as her baby is a little bit snooty- pets can feel like family and as humans we will anthropomorphise them.

We have had one annoyed comment from a relative of DH who is TTC and unbeknownst to us one of the cats has "her baby's name" but we were a bit Hmm about that- you can't be checking with everyone in the world before you name your pet- so I suppose I see it from both sides. In your situation she knew though, so you're definitely not being unreasonable.

Suzytwoshoes · 22/01/2017 19:40

Definitely still call your baby Toby!
If SIL or family say anything repeat her sentence.. "nobody owns a name"
Everyone else just tell them she stole your name for her dog.. they will think she's bat shit just like I do! Grin

Mrsmadcatlady · 22/01/2017 19:46

I had this with an ex work colleague, anyway, after dd was born, she suited a completely different name we didn't really consider so didn't worry over it. However, in the weeks up to her birth, it really boiled my piss!

allchattedout · 22/01/2017 19:46

Wow, horrible thread. (not the SIL but the comments about how shit her life is and how she must be jealous).

tricornel · 22/01/2017 19:48

Yup. Batshit. Life's properly shit at times, and I feel sorry for the SIL, but this is batshit.

gillybeanz · 22/01/2017 19:50

Call your baby Toby and refer to the dog as Tobias as that's the dogs name.
I wouldn't let her deter you from using the name you have chosen.
If anyone says anything she has named her dog after your child, tell them the truth.

Pluto30 · 22/01/2017 19:53

Toby is very common for dogs. There have been two spaniels in my family named Toby.

Ultimately, you don't own a name. It's crap, but you've no more right to use the name than she does. How often will your child even be around the dog, or be referred to in the same context?

Lilacpink40 · 22/01/2017 19:56

Why not call your baby Toby and pronounce the dog's name T'bias (drop the 'o'). Plenty of people you care about will never even meet the dog.

Cheby · 22/01/2017 19:56

Ugh what an absolute dick your SIL is!

I'd just just the name anyway. And make sure you tell any and all mutual friends and family exactly what she has done.

Stripyhoglets · 22/01/2017 20:02

I think my nanny called her dog same as me (think I was born first) eg. I'm called Annabel (long name) known as Ann and dog was called Annie. I thought it was great to have a very similar name to my grandma's dog when I was a kid! We both used to come when called!

MintyChops · 22/01/2017 20:12

Ah that's so mean of her; to winkle the name out of you under false pretences then use it for her dog. Really not nice. I am not calling her batshit, jealous or any of the other very harsh things on here but it is definitely a nasty thing to do. YANBU and I can totally understand why you are upset.

She has told you what she thinks of you. Personally I'd not be spending much time in the future with someone who would deliberat do that.

EasterRobin · 22/01/2017 20:14

For goodness sake. This isn't an imaginary baby you are dreaming about for the far distant future. Born or not, this is a real baby that already exists and if it's name is Toby, then it got the name FIRST.

Presumably you're not planning to change his name every time someone else gets given the same name. Nope. So why start now.

Weird SIL has named her dog AFTER your baby.

SirChenjin · 22/01/2017 20:15

That's really not on - and normally I am normally of the 'you don't own a name' opinion. What on earth was she thinking??

I'd make sure I told everyone what she'd done, and would make sure I called the dog by it's given name - on the very limited occasions I would see it from now on, that is.

RubyReins · 22/01/2017 20:20

My baby is called Toby. Best name ever.

Stripeyblanket · 22/01/2017 20:20

If you like the name then use it. She's done it for a reaction and some control. If you go ahead anyway you'll be taking the wind out of her sails. If anyone asks if you named your son after the dog, just explain she asked, you said, she named her dog and you thought fuck it.

Cherrysoup · 22/01/2017 20:23

Regardless of how the sil is feeling about the breakdown of her relationship and current housing situation, this is a vicious and nasty thing to do. Those people defending her choice, I'm afraid I fail to sympathise. She's asked for their name choice and promptly called the dog the same name? It's not normal.

Patienceisvirtuous · 22/01/2017 20:30

Some really cruel, derogatory responses on this thread.

The SIL is out of order for sure, but some of the posters on this thread are far, far nastier...

JamesBlonde1 · 22/01/2017 20:32

What a mare! Yeah dogs don't live long. Can't stand it when people get all maternal over a hound.

Call your baby Toby and stuff her. Just make sure that at family parties you make everyone aware how she pinched your name. The dog will be at the parties. People like her do stuff like that.

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