Please tell me it's possible to have a teen DD who doesn't post pouting selfies and

[ASeriesofFortunateEvents]

responds to photos of friends' selfies with comments like "gorgeous girlie" "l❤️v u loads"

I have several goddaughters dotted around the country and look at photos on their twitter accounts (only chance I get to see them theses days!) and they're all HD brows, cleavages, knicker skimming dresses and babyish talk.

Now I know I might sound like Great Aunt Prudish but DD becomes a teenager next year and I need stories from MN about teenager girls who are NOT like my godaughters.

Green I think (personally) partly down to increased diagnosis and partly down to online social media presence but not particularly this selfie phase.

Ask FM led to a few suicides if I remember correctly but that was bullying not selfies. IYSWIM

I'm not a MH expert but I have suffered with my own for years, blaming it on one social media aspect is misguided.

If this is your most pressing fear for your teenage daughters in this day and age I'd suggest you've a lot to learn about teenagers.

We don't involve anybody and keep it to ourselves which is exactly the opposite to selfie craving teenage girls.

I think seeing it for what it is is healthy. It is what it is. Ridiciculous. I can't dress it up or pretend otherwise.

Green -- I think you may be setting your DD up to be bullied. If she is sneering at something 80% of her peers are doing, they'll gang up on her at some point. And worst of all, they'll justify themselves by arguing that your DD is the bully because she is the one who was making fun of others.
If you are worried about MH, being the victim of bullies is at the top of the pile for MH issues among teens.

I've said repeatedly she doesn't broadcast her views and keeps them to herself. Many of her friends now feel the same. She has never made fun of anybody.Wish I could say the same for others who buy into the culture. I saw a couple of comments aimed at girls online at her primary school and she has been as appalled as I was.

Frankly bullying somebody because they think posting continuous selfies and hunting for compliments is silly is unexceptable.

I have no intention of making my dd participate in something she thinks is silly just to fit in and to avoid being bullied.

I don't think you can know that though Green. I'd be very surprised if others weren't aware that she thinks herself better than them - she probably even repeats some of what you say to her verbatim, that's what kids do. She's not 'seeing it for what it is', she's seeing it for what YOU think it is. Which is natural I think to an extent, but I do think it's odd to attach some sort of moral weight to it.

It would of course be horrible and very wrong if she was bullied for just not wanting to join in with posting that stuff though.

Green, my parents did not encourage me to sneer openly at other people either and would have been horrified if I had done so. But the very fact that I was encouraged/allowed to think of myself as special because I kept aloof from popular culture was still damaging: it made me awkward and uncomfortable around people who were not exactly like me, and (as I came to realise later) very confused as to what actual moral values look like.

"I have no intention of making my dd participate in something she thinks is silly just to fit in and to avoid being bullied.hmm"

First, something YOU think is silly. We don't really know what she thinks.

Second, why not? It's silly selfies for god's sake! And no one is saying for her to "participate", just for her to not mock others who do!! Besides, we are not talking about participating in bullying or cheating or cutting or shoplifting or drugging or hooking up with random boys or drunk driving or disrespecting teachers or damaging property or fighting or dating adults or running away from home or cutting class or snapping nudes or even posting nasty comments!! Sheesh... get a grip.

Really, it's just silly selfies. It's what teens do, it's not a moral issue. You really want her to take a stand against such a silly non-issue at the risk of being bullied? Is this for her or for you?

It is her opinion,we've discussed it at length and believe you me she has many opinions and can think for herself on a variety of subjects.

I think the selfie culture (endless selfies, endless updates,over the top gushing and asking for opinions on selfies) is damaging imo and pretty degrading. I don't do want her to engage in it,I am teaching her to treat it for what it is. A pile of tosh.

I don't parent her to do things she or I think are wrong to save her from bullying. Aside from that who exactly is going to bully her? It certainly won't be her likeminded friends,it won't be girls who post such pictures as she would never comment. As I said we know the code. We've discussed the code and how ridiculous these " opinions" with query emoji are. She knows nobody actually wants an opinion and what the fall out would be.

Newsflash .

Inferring every single child thinks this is great,engages in it,should engage in it just to fit in with the crowd and will be bullied by default if not is frankly just ridiculous.

My DD (18) hasn't ever pouted for a selfie with giggling friends, put makeup on, or worn anything not chosen by me.

She has SLD. I love her innocence, but...

These are rites of passage, just like my Human League fringe and tucker boots were. You'll look back and laugh when you're showing the photos of mum to your grandchildren.

They do look ridiculous though .

My 16 yo DD doesn't nor her close circle of friends. They think it's rather pathetic of those who do.

Ds is 19 and has never done the selfie thing. Nor have her friends. They think it's cringey.

My daughter is a teen end of this year. She loves taking selfies but doesn't do the duck face, babyish talk on comments, dress inappropriately (she doesn't have clothes like that anyway lol) but she has done the cover face with hand thing - I think its the in thing lol. She's overall a very girly girl unlike me ha ha but is extreme careful with social media, she has a limit of pics she posts (her choice & for some reason), her instagram (had to give in) is on private, she's only allowed to have people we know in real life on there and with men its only immediate family members. Yes I'm a bit overprotective but with social media the risk of dangers have increased!

DD has always been sensible with social media, her cousin gave out her home telephone number to a man on Movie Star Planet about 2 years ago. DD told her she shouldn't have done that and informed me so i told her mum who then got my DD to close her daughters account. The man actually called their home too - sick people out there. Ha ha I've also made fun of the duck face and sticking tongue out poses over the years but saying that I recently found a pic of DD's dad and I in 2004 sticking our tongues out before it became a craze

It's pathetic to seek validation- particularly with sexual overtones - from others.

And very sad.

It's not these individuals who are pathetic, it is their actions.

So your daughter has no negative opinions on anything.

So any girl that doesn't buy into what you or your daughter think are worthwhile are by default going to be bullies?

Seriously.

And what Mind said in spades.

I'll teach her what I think is ok thanks. I'm not going to be bullied by you or any social conformity.

Posing for selfies is all about looking great and asking for approval.
Most girls don't look like supermodels so they are fighting a losing battle.
I wouldn't sneer but it is embarrassing and I wouldn't encourage it.
It is like watching X factor with some poor sod who doesn't have much talent and is asking for approval - they are likely to be bullied.
It is a horrible culture we should be getting kids to avoid it not treating it as a right of passage.
In terms of mental health it may not be the cause of any problems but it won't help any insecure teenager to feel better about themselves.

As a teenager, I was one of those who was sneering & superior thinking I was so much better than those going out doing silly things. In retrospect, it was just a defence as I was insecure & scared and, having carved out that role for myself, couldn't work out how to backtrack. At the time, I was aware that the others did seem to be having a lot more fun than me doing harmless, silly things, wearing ridiculous outfit, pulling stupid faces for Polaroid pictures etc. 20yrs later, when friends of my refer to things they got up to in their teen years, I just sigh internally, feel old and wonder why I never did that. I wouldn't mind a few more pictures of me looking so young & beautiful just because of my youth even if I did look ridiculous.

I don't either.

I teach her to mock the activity.

Humour helps with resilience,I want a resilient teen.

Teaching kindness is a separate issue. I have a kind teen.

With respect a few Polaroid pictures just doesn't compare to the selfie culture. I think it's sad that society now makes you feel crap for not doing things you weren't comfortable with at the time.