Please tell me it's possible to have a teen DD who doesn't post pouting selfies and

[ASeriesofFortunateEvents]

responds to photos of friends' selfies with comments like "gorgeous girlie" "l❤️v u loads"

I have several goddaughters dotted around the country and look at photos on their twitter accounts (only chance I get to see them theses days!) and they're all HD brows, cleavages, knicker skimming dresses and babyish talk.

Now I know I might sound like Great Aunt Prudish but DD becomes a teenager next year and I need stories from MN about teenager girls who are NOT like my godaughters.

Oh she is.

I've seen some of the mean activity girls engage with online she never participated in and know she never engaged in any of the toxic RL shit at primary. She took herself off with boys and was never involved in any bullying issue. She used to be the one who would befriend the bullied.

Now at secondary she is the same.

This disturbing comment says more about you than teens posting harmless silly selfies. There's nothing 'sleazy' about it. What a revolting thing to say.

Have you seen these pictures?

If you are happy to blindly accept our young women walking into this porn culture then you too are part of the problem.

Where has the wank fodder comment come from?

At least of what I've seen pouting selfies and inappropriately dressed photos are not one and the same.

My DD is a younger teen so possibly not relative yet. I might be fine with the selfie phase but I would hit the roof over half dressed photos.

They are different things.

God people will use anything to signal their moral superiority and perfect parenting

Kids don't fall into 2 camps - pouty faces on instagram = thick, low self esteem and shit parents ...sorry shit MUMS

No pouty faces = alternative, better taste in music, clever and patented by the best mum ever 😂

Seriously it's kids being kids - however they do it and fuck all to do with you as a shit or perfect mother

Who said it was about being a perfect mother?

I do think mothers should be teaching their daughters to have some self respect though.

What not fathers and sons?

Seems a bit sexist to simply label it a female issue

My girls have bags of self esteem and both do well academically they post the odd typical teen selfie ad well - I don't understand the drama

Oh and I have never felt the need to teach them to critique their friends pictures or sneer at them

I'm a bit of a history maven, so I'm actually kind of excited at the thought of what selfie culture means for future historians. At no time in history, not since the camera was even invented, has anyone made it this possible for future generations to consult /so many/ primary sources about what today is like, the youth culture and so on. Sure, it's duck faced and ridiculous, but that's where we're currently /at/ with youth culture! And in five hundred years time, there will be thousands upon thousands of primary source photographs to back up that assertion! Imagine the future theses that will be able to be written!

On a slightly more down to earth note, I'm also kind of excited at the way selfie culture is encouraging a whole generation of traditionally self conscious people to love themselves and their appearances in a way that's quite revolutionary. Look back ten, twenty years and you just don't see the kind of "hey, look at me, I'm beautiful" culture that selfies lend themselves to. In years past we might have called this conceit, and reviled it. Let's not forget that entire industries have sprung up around making people continue to feel like their appearance is inadequate!

If I'm honest, yes, I think the pictures look stupid and I do wish that people would just smile normally. But I will never be one of the people saying "gosh, take less selfies" - because a) I love the boost in self esteem it's giving to people who traditionally were denied any sense of self esteem at all (and we wondered why they had none), and b) the historical angle.

Imagine if selfie culture had existed around the time of the Russian Revolution, and Tsar Nicholas's daughters had been willing and able to take as many selfies as they wanted. Would there have been as many imposters pretending to be Anastasia if there were hundreds of photos of the real thing to compare with, as opposed to the blurry few we have? Imagine if the Ancient Greeks, Romans, and Egyptians had been part of "selfie culture" and had had the kind of technology we have now to capture themselves. I would kill (not literally) for that kind of photographic glimpse into life so long ago, so I envy the future historians who will reap the benefit of what teens are doing today.

They're not leading to self love though. It often can cause and exacerbate anxiety in teens.

Because some teens are mocking and ridiculing selfie culture, and some mothers are encouraging their teens to do so? I'm just saying. I rtft.

Green but can you see that silly faces and being half dressed aren't the same thing?

I agree posing half dressed or in underwear is really unacceptable.

If the OP had posted about half dressed photos not pouting the thread would be completely different.

But you know nothing about my kids - you are just throwing out generalisations - not sure why

But don't worry about my girls they are fine - and kind and empathetic and bright and happy - and generally normal teens with all that entails- they don't spend time sat next to me flicking through their mates pictures sneering and laughing

Um she did- cleavage,knicker skimming....

Aside from that young girls plastering themselves in make up,begging opinions,gushing,continuously feeling the need to post it is hugely damaging.

The two often cross over. Have you seen how sexualised some of these pictures are?Have you seen some of the "live stories" some of these girls are currently,the lip synching videos.....?

Honestly you are moving into serious pearl clutching territory - yes at some end of the spectrum there is danger and risk but generally it's just teens posting stupid pictures

I am 46 - I plastered my self in make up and sort approval from my peers - it's not a new thing

Oh and I was at Greenham before you decide I was some vacuous air headed anti feminist!

Neither does mine Ghosty. She's rarely on it. We have had conversations and family discussions,it isn't a continuous thing at all. I monitor her feed and activity to check. I see it for myself. It is incredibly worrying. I've also seen some of the heart rending posts these girls post begging for friend validation on top of looks validation.

To infer there are no issues or deep concerns with this area is wrong.

I wore make up.

I didn't post myself continuously online and ask for validation from the world as a whole.

It is a huge concern for schools.

Knicker skimming dresses and a bit cleavage aren't the same as underwear pictures. I wouldn't consider that wank fodder.

Like I said my daughter is younger so I haven't really come across it. All her videos involve trying to knock over a water bottle.

I have two teen DDs and neither of them are like this. They are both independent and don't follow the herd. No selfies or self congratulation. Lots of band stuff though.

I am aware of the concerns - I work in that area

But I still don't think that posting selfies is - alone - the end of the world

Nore do I believe that raising children who don't post selfies, who like alternative music/culture (it's self a club that had rules and conformity) or who sneer at their friends is a sigh of better parenting

OP here. Three of my god-daughters are related to each other and are 17, 18 and 19. The latter is at uni and the other two planning to go. They are prolific posters of pouting, bosom thrusting selfies - sometimes with friends similarly dressed. As a feminist it depresses me.

My younger god-daughters (why I have so many when I'm agnostic, I don't know!) are at it now but without the cleavages.

Last year DD (then 11) was into that app where she posted videos(?) of herself miming to songs. It struck me as daft but harmless; which sort of sums up my teenage years. In between my daftness, though, there were savage bouts of depression so I know I've got a lot more to worry about than her telling her "bestie" she's "gawjuss babe".

I'm not sure that going

"Come children gather with me around the social media so we can take the piss out of people on your social media friendship group for how they look"

attitude is stellar parenting.

I was tagged on a lovely photo one of the girls of ds's house group on Sports day. All of them, male or female are wearing face paint and doing pouty Zoolander posts or dabbing. It's cute, and very funny, which was their intention.

But obviously if a grown adult wants to sneer at it than that's fine too. That's social media in a nutshell, open to all dickheadsof all ages.

Why be self deprecating all the time.

And there's nowt wrong with their eyebrows. Ffs how many of you obliterated yours to next to nothing twenty years ago as that was the fashion?

As a feminist I'm content for cleavages to do whatever they want.

Did you actually read still want's post, Green?

So how do you teach your daughter what is not self respect online,how ridiculous much of it is without examining it?