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Original poster

Please tell me it's possible to have a teen DD who doesn't post pouting selfies and

302 replies

ASeriesofFortunateEvents · 21/01/2017 10:31

responds to photos of friends' selfies with comments like "gorgeous girlie" "l❤️v u loads"

I have several goddaughters dotted around the country and look at photos on their twitter accounts (only chance I get to see them theses days!) and they're all HD brows, cleavages, knicker skimming dresses and babyish talk.

Now I know I might sound like Great Aunt Prudish but DD becomes a teenager next year and I need stories from MN about teenager girls who are NOT like my godaughters.

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 21/01/2017 11:48

I feel a bit like Derek in zoolander 2 reading this. Love Justin Bieber's selfie scene as he dies, about 2:50 in

isthismylifenow · 21/01/2017 11:52

BAE means 'Before Anyone Else'

Ooh I thought is was BABE too.... Grin

But wtf is PENG?

I am going to hit the teens with my new found knowledge and watch the jaws drop when its clear that I know.... he he he

ColdFeetinWinter · 21/01/2017 11:52

I've just scrolled through FB and I seem to have an abundance of friends who need to demonstrate either their political affiliations, their sporting prowess, their ethical credentials or their outdoorsyness.

I'm not talking about the occasional pic of a lovely walk, run, cycle ride, swim in the great outdoors or whatever.

It's a sustained marketing of themself including hashtags and links to their blogs. This behaviour is the same at every age. Some need the gratification of attention more than others.

isthismylifenow · 21/01/2017 11:54

Oh and a girlfriend is no longer just a girlfriend. She is now.... 'my laydeeee'

Argghhhh

Imaginesthat · 21/01/2017 11:54

God help a teen that "indirects" someone Shock

BrianCoxWithBellsOn · 21/01/2017 11:55

There seems to be a glitch in the system...

Feel better?

BrianCoxWithBellsOn · 21/01/2017 11:57

A few years ago my God daughter (now 24 and normal) married* various female friends.

*Set her FB relationship status to "married" and referred to that person as her "wifey"

PatriciaHolm · 21/01/2017 12:08

DD (12.5) is completely baffled by her friends who do this. She doesn't have Instagram but if she did I think it would probably be filled with pictures of cats...

yorkshapudding · 21/01/2017 12:11

I work with Teenagers and, given some of the stuff I hear and see on a daily basis, if the worst thing your teen DD gets up to is posting pouty selfies on social media then consider yourself very, very lucky. It could be so much worse.

Many of the girls I work with don't do this sort of stuff anyway (they do other daft stuff though, all teens do) and the ones that do are generally kind, thoughtful, hard-working young women in RL but perhaps feeling a certain amount of pressure to fit in with their peers.
Yes, the duck faces are silly and the eyebrows...my god, some of their eyebrows Confused but it's just a trend and it will pass like everything else.

When I think about some of the things I used to wear/say/do/think as a teenager I cringe. I'm eternally thankful that social media didn't exist so that theres no evidence of my (entirely normal, developmentally appropriate but still embarrassing) teenage foolishness!

Gwenhwyfar · 21/01/2017 12:14

All those saying we did the same as teens, what do you mean? We were all self-deprecating when I was growing up. Nobody would have said something like 'look at me, I'm gorgeous'.

MedSchoolRat · 21/01/2017 12:37

Maybe I'm in denial, but I don't think my teens post repeated pouty sulky selfies.

DS wants to go into army, he's not going to look pouty on social media. Confused

DD is too engrossed in social justice issues. They aren't pouty type kids. My FB is almost no pics of me, but pics of other stuff going on. Maybe D-teens post the kind of things I do?

Witchend · 21/01/2017 12:40

Mine are 16and 13 and I don't think either has taken a selfie ever. If they have, they haven't posted it.

Rixera · 21/01/2017 12:47

Recently graduated beyond teens but I never did this either...
Instead it was the slightly melodramatic wistful would-be damsel in distress face.

Until I started modelling and then the thousands of silly face behind the scenes shots took precedence.

There's no escaping the embarrassment of having once been a teenager ;)

BrianCoxWithBellsOn · 21/01/2017 12:50

All those saying we did the same as teens, what do you mean? We were all self-deprecating when I was growing up. Nobody would have said something like 'look at me, I'm gorgeous'.

I think that's a nicer side of it, although then there's the deeper and more damaging issue of looking to others for approval..that's maybe where we as parents step in and underline the daft aspect of SM. At least that's what in attempt, but I know nothing as I'm just her mum.

I, however, still sought attention from my peers and wanted their approval (lesson learned - as per my previous posts about teenager-dom being for making mistakes and learning) whether that was dressing the same, taking a cheeky puff of a cigarette or necking a bottle of Hooch to look cool. Let alone the sexual promiscuity (albeit not full sex) that was rife.

At least with social media, you get to see and hear other stories. In my teen world it was insular and secretive and my parents didn't have a clue what I was up to.

On my social media now I post about political stuff, cats, the family. It is rare to see a picture of me unless a child is partially hiding me.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/01/2017 12:51

I think all teenagers are prone to doing daft and cringeworthy things like this.

Well, quite. You're meant to look back at old pics and think 'what was I thinking?!'

As long as it's not illegal or hurting themselves or others, I'd let them get on with it. And I'm a bit surprised that others on this thread encourage their kids to take the piss out of their peers, we try to encourage kindness and 'live and let live' here.

corythatwas · 21/01/2017 12:53

To quote the Downton Abbey oracle: "Oh, my dear, in my time I wore the crinoline, the bustle and the leg-of-mutton sleeve. I'm not in a strong position to criticise."

Silly is what teenagers do. Along with thoughtful and questioning and engaged and passionate. I have learnt a lot from my teenagers.

And totally agree with other posters that duck faces and asking for peer approval is not at all a particularly female thing. I think it's like a whole lot of other supposedly female things (bitchiness, vanity): we see it because we expect it.

TurquoiseDress · 21/01/2017 12:53

"HD brows" ha ha this made me laugh out loud 😂

TurquoiseDress · 21/01/2017 12:54

OP I have no advice or experience to share but I hope your DD doesn't turn into one of those pouty preeners!

Harrysgirl17 · 21/01/2017 12:57

My daughter is 19 and has never done Facebook, Instagram etc.. I think she's on a art site as she is a struggling illustrator. My DD was always different at school, whilst all the girls were watching TOWIE my girl was listening to PJ Harvey and admiring women who were actually talented.

Did her no favours though as she had no friends and was bullied for being different but bless her, she stuck to her guns and is still following her dreams.

user1471545174 · 21/01/2017 12:57

There's a live version where they have conversations consisting entirely of the words "I'm like".

The boys seem to be just as bad and they all have high-pitched whinnying giggles.

Bear I just fancied putting a bear here.

Princecharlesfirstwife · 21/01/2017 12:59

Mine does. She's no less 'better' than any of all the DDs on here that don't because of that. I think there is a subtle implication that your (generic) Dcs are somehow better than my Dd. (all the Dds who do all that stuff).
She's funny, clever, hardworking generally lovely and has never given us a minutes trouble and is just trying to navigate her way through the tough teen years. We gently tease her about it and she takes it all in good grace.

fritillery · 21/01/2017 13:00

You don't need to buy her the technology, if you don't want her to waste her youth on this kind of rubbish.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2017 13:02

Yes I feel much better BrianCox thank you Grin

I nearly posted about the 'yoots in my endz' before you came to the rescue! Shock

MissMogwi · 21/01/2017 13:04

My now 15 year old DD went through a phase of doing this, as did her friends. But it's just that - a phase.
She doesn't do it now. It's all make up tutorials and music stuff with the occasional rant about sexism or animal cruelty.

The admittedly baffling (to me) pouty selfie phase doesn't equate to how she is a person. She's bright, witty and smart. A few duck faces selfies don't make a person.

Thank god we didn't have camera phones and social media when I was a teen. The few pictures of the time are bad enough.

corythatwas · 21/01/2017 13:05

ShoutOutToMyEx Sat 21-Jan-1
"And I'm a bit surprised that others on this thread encourage their kids to take the piss out of their peers, we try to encourage kindness and 'live and let live' here."

Totally agree with this. I was brought up in an atmosphere of "of course we are so worthy and do worthwhile things, not like those other silly people" and I can honestly say that it has never done me any good in life or made me any happier. Instead it made me feel awkward and unhappy around other people, when I could have got just as much pleasure out of my opera records and great works of literature without an additional helping of feeling superior to anyone who did things differently. Maybe it was done to comfort me because I felt different, but in the long term it left me very insecure. I knew it couldn't be true, I knew deep inside that I wasn't a better human being simply because I didn't wear make-up and the latest silliest fashions, but I didn't have the strength to stand up against it, it was such an insidious thing to be made to feel special.