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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
brasty · 24/01/2017 11:15

Like someone else on this thread, the rest of my family is thin and I am fat. I was actually brought up eating very very healthy. Sweets as treats, biscuits in the house only at xmas, no fizzy drinks, and only fruit for snacks. I do know why I overeat though, and it is nothing to do with my upbringing.

BarbedBloom · 24/01/2017 11:18

I was very underweight as a child and remained so right until I hit puberty and then I seemed to pile on weight and no one could understand why as I wasn't eating any differently to the rest of my family and I wasn't ever given any money for sweets etc. I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years later. I ended up being morbidly obese with a bmi of 40 and had the attitude that losing weight was too hard so why bother. I tried slimming world and lost nothing, I even gained and the woman in charge would accuse me of eating too many biscuits so I stopped going.

A few years ago I had a bad time of it and I practically stopped eating for a while. I would have a banana for lunch and a single chicken breast for tea and that was about it. I ended up being quite unwell in the end and when I realised I was starting to like being hungry I knew I was getting into a bad place. I got a bit more sensible and I lost five and a half stone.

I am currently maintaining because we moved in with my MIL for a while before we move abroad and she prefers very carb heavy meals and doesn't like us cooking our own food. But I have learned that what works for me normally is cutting out a lot of the carbs and measuring what I am having and eating a higher protein diet instead with a few smaller meals instead of three larger ones.

When I fitted into a size 18 I cried with happiness, a size most people would be very unhappy with. But for me it meant I was finally able to shop in high street stores instead of limited to the two or three with plus size ranges. I don't look as big as I am as I am 6ft 2, but am hoping to continue losing weight once we move in a few weeks.

I do think part of the problem has been the insistence on switching to everything low fat, but high in sugar or other things. Switching to full fat everything seemed to make no difference to losing the weight for me but I did feel fuller. The other key thing for me was stopping when I was full, even if people in my family would comment on the wasted food.

This is really long now and I am not sure what my point is, but I do think losing weight can be very difficult mentally as it is instantly linked to deprivation and at least for me I would eat more when I was unhappy with myself and then kid myself it didn't matter as I wouldn't lose anyway. I would try going for a run and people would shout abuse at me while I did so I would go home and eat a chocolate bar. It isn't just about eating less and moving more, it can be very much about the relationship someone has with food and that is a lot harder to overcome.

BarbedBloom · 24/01/2017 11:18

Wow, sorry, that was long!

formerbabe · 24/01/2017 11:20

hoddtastic you sound full of empathy.

penciltop · 24/01/2017 11:21

It is very easy to over eat though. We have so many cakes and biscuits at work. Somebody just brought in a cake again today. We have left over food from conferences and events. I am really trying not to eat anything extra to what I brought in already. So many people pick at the extra food on top of having their lunches. It is easy to see that is the reason why they are gaining weight.

There seems to be pressure to. I was berated for not having anything. I didn't want anything because I am really trying to watch my calorie intake. If I start picking at things, I can easily consume an extra 4-500 calories without almost realising.

OP posts:
penciltop · 24/01/2017 11:23

You have made really good progress BarbedBloom Flowers

OP posts:
SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 24/01/2017 11:25

Gut bacteria could be interesting as further developments emerge in the future.

Genetically we haven't significantly changed as a society in the last 30 or so years, and food was plentiful to the majority then. Evidence is emerging that the influence of genes is affected by nurture anyway. Can I claim to have "fat genes" because most of my relatives have been overweight by the age of 35? Or is it more likely that it's the effect of societal changes.

I find that an excess of sugar disrupts my digestive system. I became more cautious about alcohol in my 20s because of the effect on my system the following day. It makes me flatulent, and it stinks. I find it credible that if a person has in the long term consumed a diet involving a lot of sugars and refined, heavily processed foods that their gut flora is affected, disturbing their digestive processes and affecting their balance of weight management.

DS had food allergies and intolerance issues as an infant that took 6 months to go from triggering at weaning to going on an exclusion diet. Although he stopped having reactions, pain and eczema, he continued to have digestive issues with every single poo being a nappy blaster. At one of his dietician appointments he was recommended a strong probiotic powder which made improvements. When I've had digestive problems that have flushed me through, I've used it to help bring some balance back and it seems to help. It would be interesting to see if science can make useful developments in that area.

Something else that has changed in the last generation is availability of time and overworking. Lunchbreaks are rushed. People feel presentism is essential to keeping jobs in an insecure climate. Jobs have become cluttered with more admin and data tasks. It takes more time and energy to prepare nutritious food, and people struggle with that. Exhaustion is the enemy of a healthy weight, both through the metabolic effects of lack of sleep and seeking quick fix sugar rushes to keep going. I wish our society would slow down and evaluate what is genuinely useful and what is a box ticking distraction.

One of my weight gain phases was when I was walking over 6 miles a day. The 2 mile return trip walk to and from work was brisk and decent exercise. The rest of the milage hunting for medical records across a general hospital was wearing. By mid-afternoon, the urge for a can of coke to pep up the last couple of hours was very strong. On the way home, a "well earned" bar of chocolate quickly became a routine rather than a treat. The trouble is that it wasn't really walked off by all that walking. I thought I was just filling out as I was in my early 20s and didn't notice that those trats and rewards had be become routines. Fortunately for me, it was a short term phase and I went on to new habits when I went on to another course.

The hardest part isn't necessarily seeing that your weight is a problem, it's being able to make sustainable changes to the way you live when the barriers are becoming so ingrained into society.

clumsyduck · 24/01/2017 12:12

I think though for me I do sometimes see it in black and white because I must have tried for 5 years to get down to my original size and weight I was happy with . Yo yo dieting. Fads . Not realising what was in food and so over eating without actually over eating iyswim

Educated myself a bit . Cut out sugar and processed foods etc. Did some excersize but in honesty not a lot . Lost the weight and kept it off . The fact I have pmt and am ravenous will mean I eat more today but then it's ok to have days were I do because on the whole my diet is healthier not as a fad but a permanent change . I eat plenty . Just the right stuff .

ppeatfruit · 24/01/2017 12:19

I always go by my own experience, I know it's too easy to tell people what to do without doing it yourself.

So interesting on R2 today they were talking about the newest research about cancer forming foods and Chris E plus his sidekicks were taking the piss. That says it all really, it's no wonder there are sooo many ill people because they laugh if it's shown that burnt food causes cancer. I KNOW I got a nasty mark\growth (that refused to go away) on my nose from eating barbecued food. So I don't eat burnt food any more. Other people just say I'm being stupid. I don't care I prefer to be healthiest and fittest person that I know , I'm 66.

brasty · 24/01/2017 12:31

You know I smoked for a year when I was young. Regular smoker. Decided to give it up, and it was fairly easy. Just a bit of willpower for a few weeks.

That above is true. But I am not so stupid to say it to people who are really struggling to give up smoking, or who try time and again and fail.

ppeatfruit · 24/01/2017 12:38

brasty Maybe just offer some help to them if they need it though, there are lots of different ways of giving up smoking. DH did it on a fruit fast (you have to go to bed for 2 days though!!).

hoddtastic · 24/01/2017 12:52

I don't think I lack empathy former- it's really difficult to have a conversation about this as people derail it- nothing I've said has been wrong or aimed at anyone specifically. It is not helpful to those people who are (to some degree) pinning their hopes on their kids having heavy bones/ slimming off / future growth spurts when the reality is- they probably need to address it with diet and exercise. I wish you well.

formerbabe · 24/01/2017 13:03

you've probably been 'trained' to eat this way from your parents, and to treat yourself with food and to eat massive portions and snack every day and go to the cinema with a 2.5k bonus calories of stuff between meals...

This is very rude and far too simplistic. Many people use food as an emotional crutch. I began to overeat as a young child after the death of my mother. If I had gone the other way and stopped eating altogether, I'm sure many people would have felt sympathy for me rather than purely seeing me as greedy.

I don't believe in heavy bones. It's nonsense. I also don't believe genetics can be the primary cause of obesity. They can however have an impact when combined with certain behaviours. This is, I believe, scientifically seen as correct.

formerbabe · 24/01/2017 13:09

I am disputing the 'it's genetic/heavy bones' etc.

Sorry but you can't lump genetics and 'heavy bones' together like that. Genetics does play a part...It has been proven.

penciltop · 24/01/2017 13:23

I also don't believe genetics can be the primary cause of obesity. They can however have an impact when combined with certain behaviours. This is, I believe, scientifically seen as correct

I agree with this. I think too much emphasis is given to genetic reasons for obesity.

OP posts:
hoddtastic · 24/01/2017 13:27

This is why we have an obesity problem. I am sorry about your mum.

formerbabe · 24/01/2017 13:27

Yes but so many people on this thread seem to want to dismiss genetics entirely. Therefore, they view all overweight people as lazy gluttons. Like I said, I exercise everyday but if I want to be slim, I have to eat very little...Like I said, one meal a day. Whereas others could eat more than be, but be slimmer than me.

TheAtheist · 24/01/2017 13:28

All these theories about metabolism/genes/blood type/alignment of planets have been disproved though. Using proper science

tl:dr - eminent professor runs randomised controlled trial in which study participants are basically shut in a room and all calories in and out (all of them) are measured along with their fat stores.

Upshot: There is very little variation in metabolism between individuals and weight gain and loss is pretty much entirely down to calories in/calories out.

The reasons that sit behind a person's overeating are varied and complex, nobody is denying that, but at the end of the day, the individual puts the food in their mouth, chews and swallows it. That is why they are obese.

Sirzy · 24/01/2017 13:28

I am 5ft 3, wear size 6-8 clothes and yet I am still officially overweight so although I do think bmi is a good guide it obviously isn't perfect and other factors must come into play!

TheAtheist · 24/01/2017 13:29

Yes but so many people on this thread seem to want to dismiss genetics entirely

This theory has been debunked though, that is why people dismiss it.

EBearhug · 24/01/2017 13:37

Sadaf Farooqi on this morning's The Life Scientific was interesting - her work has been on leptin and then genes which affect weight.

TheAtheist · 24/01/2017 13:43

No, they affect appetite.

The only thing that affects weight gain is an excess of calories.

So funny that people choose to omit the crucial step of actually eating the food, over which the individual has absolute control.

formerbabe · 24/01/2017 13:48

All these theories about metabolism/genes/blood type/alignment of planets

Once again... How can you lump genetics in with these things?! There are numerous studies which link genetics to obesity.

TheAtheist · 24/01/2017 13:54

Ok, lets just assume for a moment that you are correct, and obesity is governed by genetics. Why then haven't we always been obese as a species?

Why did Professor Jebb find the exact opposite to that?

formerbabe · 24/01/2017 13:57

Ok, lets just assume for a moment that you are correct, and obesity is governed by genetics. Why then haven't we always been obese as a species?

I'm not saying obesity is governed by genetics. I'm saying I believe it plays a part when combined with certain behaviours ie amount/type of food consumed and exercise taken.

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