To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

[penciltop]

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

I was wondering about this at the weekend. We had friends over and one by one, they all said that they were surprised that they are overweight or obese according to BMI (one mentioned it and then they all worked out their BMI). I know by looking at them that they are overweight but perhaps because they carry their weight all over rather than having a big waist they have always thought that they were normal weight. They think I'm skinny and take the piss out of me trying to eat healthily and do exercise (they say I have an eating disorder) but I know that if I were to put on a few pounds i'd be on the verge of overweight.

I wonder if it will get to a point where we start rethinking what is normal.

Not read thread yet but I am morbidly obese. I have had a heart condition since I was a child. I was starved as child by my abusive mother. I was also sexually and physically abused by other family members. I had to eat out of bins. For years since I binged as I was never sure where my next meal was going to be coming from.
My fat has become a protection from others. I can hide in my home and no one can hurt me. Trust me I get no joy from life. I am afraid of everyone and everything out there. I have not lived for years. I exist.
My childhood was a horror. My sister is anorexic and has PTSD. I am looking to go to councilling if I can ever get the courage up. I do not want to be like this.
I have started exercising and eating better since the end of december. I have managed to lose 6lb. I am doing this as I am trying to face up to all my fears. I still worry that I deserve to keep hiding to stop people from having to see this monster that I am.
I am trying so bloody hard and some days I still just want to give up and die. I dream about killing myself to get away from me. I carry on as I have a lot to give and I wont let my family win.
I let them steal 30 years from me and now it's my time to fight back. I hope to god my friends dont think I'm happy as a fat person and don't talk badly about me. I am managing close to 10000 steps a day and I can now walk for 30 minutes on treadmill. I am improving. I am losing inches but the urge to binge and hide is strong. I will never be free
This post got away from my point but there are an awful lot of fat people who are bloody miserable. Compassion is always better than scorn. Be lucky that you are managing to be a healthy weight and can live a normal life.

littlemiss {sad] Bloody Congratulations It's wonderful to hear about someone who is taking control of their lives, so sorry to hear about your childhood , it's brilliant to hear your positivity now.

Congratulations from me too, littlemiss. I know what you mean about fat being protective as I have that too, though my childhood was generally lovely. I'm so sorry you've had such a shit life, it isn't your fault and you deserve so much better.

Well done on what you're doing, be proud of that - 30 mins on a treadmill now will increase and increase. One day you'll be off on 30 mile hikes with dogs! (that's probably not your goal, but whatever it is, you'll get there. Baby steps, a little and a little and a little.....)

Great post, SomewhatIdiosyncratic. And I really agree with this point: There is a deficit of healthy normal imagery. At present it seems to be thin,musclebound looks which require serious dedication, or a backlash to some plus size models whose weight is placing them at increased risk of health issues.

In principle I support things like weighlifting and strength training for women, but when you look at this recent trend in context it seems to be hyper-focused on aesthetics and aspirational imagery. You have beautiful-looking women clad in expensive workout gear who constantly post instagram photos of their latest lycra, gorgeous-looking meals, immaculate hair and makeup and so on. It's so selective and rooted in editing ones life to appear perfect. And you have hundreds of thousands of young women, many underage, following them and absorbing the message.

I'm not saying it's bad to be happy and beautiful and in shape and celebrate it, but the reality is that it's an aesthetic and lifestyle most of us won't be able to reach. It seems like an immense amount of pressure from another direction, and a lot of it rooted in spending- I've seen more than one magazine article celebrating this new trend accompanied by spreads of expensive lycra leggings you can pick up. Many people reject the criticism by asking how it can be bad to encourage women to work out and build muscle, but when it's surrounded by businesses hawking everything from diet plans and protein powder to £100 trainers and customised water bottles you start to wonder what the endgame really is. Maybe just another way of making women and teenagers feel dissatisfied with themselves and their bodies because they haven't reached that smiley joy-filled life that comes with having visible abs.

I guess normal imagery doesn't get people to open their wallets.

Littlemiss, I totally get it. I went the opposite way, my thin-ness was a way to be spiky and protect myself too.

I'd recommend counselling so much. The urge to binge (or other coping mechanisms) will always be there until you address what caused them in the first place- I've gone up and down so much in weight, getting better and sicker, but never stable until therapy.

You might be able to be referred to NHS eating disorders services, it's not just for anorexia/bulimia

Gwenhwyfar

that was what I was thinking (re: Americans).

One of my American friends was a bear of a man, just huge. He came to live in the UK and within three months, you wouldn't have ever thought that he has been obese. He said that he hadn't changed his diet at all - just that everything over here was smaller and less laden with fat/ sugar. And it is true, it's impossible to buy normal size bags of crisps on that side of the Atlantic, etc.

Long story short , within a couple of months of being back in the US he'd put all of the weight back on again.

Also, somebody upthread (sorry, can't remember who) claimed that food was the least harmful vice on a societal level.

I know what you are driving at, but in terms of societal harm - the NHS is struggling to cope with the sums needed to treat problems related to obesity.

overthemountains I HATE the fashion for body building, it's unrealistic, expensive, unnatural , doesn't look nice (in women or men, however cutting edge their outfits are) I think the extremes are horrible.

In fact gyms are silly, people could lose more weight and save a lot of money, just by walking to them and back again. And the worst thing is the speed your weight goes on once you don't use those muscles all the time. There are many other ways to get fit and lose weight, dancing, esp. before breakfast, stretching, pilates, running (if you like it).

YY Candycoated. The NHS needs to put its money where its mouth is.

It does depend though. Take me and my friend, both the same height. For me to get to 8 stone (in the healthy range) i would look ill. Ive been that weight hefire and i would look awful. I would also need to live on 1 meal a day and exercise like a whippwt. My friend, the same height, looks healthy at 8 stone and is able to eat a decent diet at that sixe and maintain. Thats why bmi is different ranges, because for what some people is a good diet and a nive weight, is anothers looking ill and living on lettuce, because we all carry weight differentlt

I'm half a stone overweight and am currently trying to lose a stone at least to get my ideal bmi. I diet every year and am in a horrible cycle of gaining and losing. I find it so hard, especially in the winter to not overeat. I love a pudding or glass of wine. I love a cheese scone and cuppa with friends. I find it impossible to strike the right balance because if I'm not strictly in the weight loss zone my heart isn't in it to turn down a biscuit with my tea.

I think there are reasons we don't yet know why people get fatter than others. I saw there was some research about gut bacteria being responsible for different people reacting differently to different foods. I also read about fecal transplants given to a naturally slim person who immediately gained weight.

My problem is greed and that I eat quickly. I'm not shy to admit it.

Littlemissangrypants you are amazing for surviving all that. I'm in awe of you.

LittleMiss You are a strong amazing woman and you are a survivor Just take it slowly one step at a time.

Overthe mountains I saw a post on a fb page from a woman who said two of her daughters 12 year old friends were given fitbits for Christmas.

"In fact gyms are silly, people could lose more weight and save a lot of money, just by walking to them and back again. grin "

Not buying that. I was my biggest even when walking 35 minutes to and from work. Walking is very mild exercise. To be healthy you need to do something that works up a good sweat. Also, you can't out-run a bad diet.

gwen Totally agree about the exercise. Doing 4 hours a week of exercise where I sweat has been a challenge and doing it in a gym has been the easiest way to achieve this. Yes you can run in your neighborhood but nothing like having a gym 2 blocks away where I can always exercise and take classes to really push myself.

Also for all those overweight people who say they are healthy, I'd like to see them try a spin class. That class really opened my eyes as to just how bad I had let my health slip.

Forgot to include my reply to your post about everyone being skinny where I am.

My experience has been that on the coasts everyone is a whole lot more figure conscious compared to the middle of America. You obviously have the income differential where lower income normally means bigger but going into Harlem you don't have so many huge ladies like you used to.

But we didn't have gyms (apart from the odd one aimed at men bodybuilders\boxers) when nearly everyone was slim, I agree a bad diet trumps ANY exercise for health You can be skinny and ill all the time.

(ref. gut health) I follow my blood type and that makes a huge difference to my health, not so much my weight. Paul Mckenna did that.

I also take a digestive capsule if I've overdone it e.g. over Christmas, it just removes that excessive feeling. and weight!

What is a digestive capsule and how does it make you lose weight?

Well it's the Viridian Digestive Aid and it contains Betaine which works for certain guts. I have low acid in my gut so it adds some to make me able to enjoy a glass of good red wine without feeling bad. Also speeds up my digestion.

If you love and enjoy red meat then you probably don't need it! I'm almost a veggie.

How does that help you lose weight?

i read thread after thread after thread on here about people worrying their kids are fat/too big/are wearing clothes 3 years older than age, cue thousands of MNers talking about their tall cousins who were the size of a house yet won olympic gold in ballet and that that must be where their 2 year old gets their massive size from... It starts young, the parents endorse it/can't see it / won't see it/ don't address it until the kids have a dreadful diet/relationship with food. And some of the typical days food on here for toddlers/primary school agers is :O

Erm it SPEEDS UP my digestion (I don't want to go into details). TMI .

Not unhealthily though.