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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 11:51

"What shocks me is just how thin people in general are here compared to the U.K."

Want2be, are you among average people in the US? The stats do show that Americans are among the biggest people in the world?

www.worldatlas.com/articles/29-most-obese-countries-in-the-world.html

Manumission · 23/01/2017 11:57

Well at 10 stone 2 and size 8/10 i was told by my friends to stop dieting and that i looked ill.
I was still in the obese section of the NHS chart.

There is no point on the NHS BMI chart at which that's possible. That weight doesn't hit the obese category anywhere.

Unless you're of restricted height, I'd change GPs. That's worryingly incompetent Sad

To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?
Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 11:58

"Take a trip to the City, a smart part of Paris, Cannes etc and you will find most people are slim there."

When I travel to London on the coach from Cardiff there's always lots of really thin women out running in Chelsea and Kensington. It makes me laugh because they're half the size of anyone on the coach yet presumably still want to be thinner/make sure they stay that size.

A trip to the south Wales valleys gives you an eye opener in a totally different way. I went with a friend who lives on the continent once. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Manumission · 23/01/2017 11:59

Well at 10 stone 2 and size 8/10 i was told by my friends to stop dieting and that i looked ill.
I was still in the obese section of the NHS chart.
Even my GP and practice nurse weighed me twice and commented that my weight was a surprise.
I guess if theirs visable fat people are in denial but heavy bones do exist.

Whoops that might be clearer as to why.

ppeatfruit · 23/01/2017 11:59

I was going to post the same thing Gwen Grin

I can't forget being in New York 2 years ago and being nearly force fed a GIANT piece of cheesecake in a cafe, the waitress was the most OW and unhealthy woman that I've seen working in a shop ever Shock. There were plenty of other people like that in the States.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 12:02

"noeffingidea If you think that diet colas are not fattening then you haven't seen the research which shows that the body doesn't recognise the chemical sweeteners as 'food' (it was on more than one telly programme)"

This keeps being bandied about, but has not been proven. I don't accept it (yet).

From the BBC "But it is impossible to determine cause and effect in such studies. Are the drinks causing weight gain or are obese people turning to diet drinks in an effort to control their weight?"
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34924036

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/01/2017 12:04

I still don't understand that post Manumission!

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 12:06

"If I mention dieting or join in conversations at work I get shouted down that I'm ridiculous as I don't need to lose weight. My scales and clothes disagree 😳"

I've put on a stone in the last 3 months and am a size 14 (by measurements at least, size inflation means I can fit into a 12), yet I was told last night that 'there's nothing to you' as if I was a size 8. We're now in a situation were chubby is normal and thin is weird.

Manumission · 23/01/2017 12:07

Oh .

Someone was saying that when they weighed 10'2 the NHS chart had them as obese and that both GP and nurse confirmed this.

It's not possible. (Not unless you're under 3' tall) Not possible at all to be just over 10 stone and be obese according to the NHS chart.

So it doesn't prove the heavy bones thing after all.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 12:13

Manumission - I presume the person meant overweight, not obese. Short people are overweight at 10 stone 2.

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/01/2017 12:15

It's just completely wrong I guess. You're right that 10st 2 couldn't be obese unless you're < 4ft 10in, which surely the poster would have mentioned. Heavy bones is a nonsense, totally.

Manumission · 23/01/2017 12:17

Why would anyone who was shortish be surprised that 10stone+ is overweight for them? Confused

That doesn't substantiate heavy bone theory either.

PaintingOwls · 23/01/2017 12:21

It's amazing how much weight can creep on if you're not paying attention. Over the last 5 years I have gained 20kg and have been dismissing it as I was thin to begin with. But now I am noticing that I am uncomfortable, DP struggles to pick me up etc.

I am trying to diet but it's harder than I recall. I lose about 2 kilos and that seems to be where I get stuck.

The UK does have a different attitude to many other countries. I visited relatives in Europe last year who said it was such a shame I had gotten fat as I had a very nice figure a few years ago during my last visit. They said this to my face, I cannot envisage anyone being bold enough to do this in the UK.

PaintingOwls · 23/01/2017 12:23

My DP also works as a radiographer and has x-rayed many, many people over the years. He has only seen one individual with larger than usual bones but he was also fairly tall, apparently. Big bones is basically a myth.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 12:31

" I visited relatives in Europe last year who said it was such a shame I had gotten fat as I had a very nice figure a few years ago during my last visit. "

I once had a Bulgarian friend who said she'd noticed her friend, another Bulgarian woman, had put on weight and that she (the first friend) should remember to mention it to her next time. I queried whether she really needed to mention it and she replied that, yes, it was important. The second friend was chubby and not massive so it's quite possible that it had crept up gradually and she actually did need to be told.

ppeatfruit · 23/01/2017 12:35

We live between France and England, the provincial population in Fr. are becoming OW as the spread of all the Chain "restaurants" continues. Those places normalise eating shit, especially as they are aimed at children,,it's not surprising that the youngsters who are raised on fast food are getting larger.

Though I will add that when I was eating 'healthy' food I was putting on weight which I only controlled with P.M.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 23/01/2017 12:47

When I've passed by 10st 2 (5ft 2) when losing baby weight, my face has been rounded and lost its shape. My bra size is 5 cups bigger than usual. Parts of my body like collar bones are hidden. I definitely look overweight even though it's not massively into that category. Obviously every body is different and carries it differently and I have a small build which means that I struggle to hide a good lunch. Once I get past a BMI of 23, I cease to look slim. My body looks best at a BMI of 21-22.

To stay healthy takes a degree of continual effort, but I have an advantage that my benchmark for my perception of myself being slim, and that my habits are generally sustainable. When I've gained weight from pregnancy, the cause has been obvious, and straightforward to correct after the birth and when I can get my pelvis functioning again.

For many other people it is not nearly so simple. It is easy for weight to shuffle up gradually over the years until it is problematic. Ingrained habits are hard to change. Medications, health conditions and contraceptives can make people more susceptible to gaining weight and resistant to losing it. There is a lot of bad and conflicting advice out there.

On an individual level it is a private issue, however the public scale of the numbers of people reaching weights that have a negative impact on society. On a societal level, there is denial. In my county, over 60% of people are overweight or obese. Many will live healthily without negative impact. Many won't.

Society is in a spiral where the remedy for a bad day is cake/wine/gin etc. We maintain this attitude sharing memes. Eating in public offers few affordable, healthy choices. Coca-Cola is villified when equally unhealthy options like syrupy coffees pass under the radar. Collectively we know it's not quite right but we're stuck in personal responsibility mode, and many find that difficult for various reasons. It reminds me of smoking in the 80s- we knew it was bad, but people weren't supported by legislation such as bans in public buildings.

We need to find a balance in society of learning to love ourselves and understanding what healthy is. There is a deficit of healthy normal imagery. At present it seems to be thin,musclebound looks which require serious dedication, or a backlash to some plus size models whose weight is placing them at increased risk of health issues.

What really concerns me is overweight young children/ teenagers who will have difficult times in addressing weight issues in adulthood. Sadly I've taught so many teenagers that look like middle age spread has struck already.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 12:48

"Though I will add that when I was eating 'healthy' food I was putting on weight "

Some healthy food is calorie dense. A big bowl of muesli can be 600 calories.

PaintingOwls · 23/01/2017 12:49

Gwenhwyfar

I once had a Bulgarian friend who said she'd noticed her friend, another Bulgarian woman, had put on weight and that she (the first friend) should remember to mention it to her next time. I queried whether she really needed to mention it and she replied that, yes, it was important. The second friend was chubby and not massive so it's quite possible that it had crept up gradually and she actually did need to be told.

Yeah I think the attitude is much more matter of fact, rather than emotive as it is here.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/01/2017 12:49

you can tell its January that's all I can say

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/01/2017 12:57

also agree, my non English relatives tell me straight, as a Brit I was VERY taken aback

"Stop fucking, what's the big fat belly you got there hey! HUGE!!!"
Grin

politesse here does us NO good

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/01/2017 13:02

I was taken aback by this advert recently but in a good way, I though it was nice to see a model with a healthy body being used as opposed to the usual bikini images

anyway!

all this BMI can be misleading sometimes, for fucks sake you can SEE if an adult is obese surely

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 13:10

"
all this BMI can be misleading sometimes, for fucks sake you can SEE if an adult is obese surely"

You should be able to see it even if you're just overweight, but some people can't apparently.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/01/2017 13:12

Stop, I didn't think the model was any bigger than usual in that video, what struck me was the bigger than usual bikini.

ppeatfruit · 23/01/2017 13:16

Yes all this BMI can be misleading sometimes, for fucks sake you can SEE if an adult is obese surely