To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

[penciltop]

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

what has other peoples weight got to do with anyone but them

Someone's weight hasn't going anything to do with anybody but people comment all the time. My obese friend brings it up on a regular basis. People gave me compliments when I was slim, hardly get any now I put weight on!!

A customer felt the need to tell me the other day I had lost so much weight " I barely looked like a 16 year old " I'm short btw. I'm 36 and have worked since I was 12 ( Saturday job ) and full time since leaving home at 16. Raised a daughter and lost 2 babies. It felt utterly insulting to be judged as childish because I'm small and struggling to eat normally. I'd never dream of commenting unprovoked on someone's appearance! I know she meant it as a compliment probably so I'm being anxious and unreasonable.

Hazard of being short. When i had short hair i used to hear "oh i thought that was a school boy walking up ahead of me". Hair will never be short again. Although now im older ill look back on those halcyon days when i was mistaken for a boy.

No fatness is not a taboo subject at all.

I think fatness is a very sensitive subject. People get quite aggressive as I have seen with some of the reactions in this thread.

If I feel uncomfortable with a thread, I just hide it. I wouldn't contribute to the thread and say have you got nothing better to do like some posters have done here.

Fat people get people commenting on it frequently. No wonder people are sensitive about it.

I'm not feeling sensitive but you've made some incorrect comments e.g about steroids. You are going to be challenged if you post in AIBU.

noeffingidea If you think that diet colas are not fattening then you haven't seen the research which shows that the body doesn't recognise the chemical sweeteners as 'food' (it was on more than one telly programme) Sadly normal sugar is less fattening than the chemicals. Oh and there are a couple of books, Wheat Belly by William Davis also Grain Brain (with plenty of research) showing that wheat is just as bad as sugar for causing diabetes and addictions. Google them if you don't believe me.

Agree with brasty. It's far from taboo. It's unusual for a day to go by without my weight coming up in conversation in some capacity. Not always in a hugely negative way, but it's always there, fair game for anyone to talk about because it's such a visible problem.

The taboo part comes when people think they're having a productive debate but are actually simplifying the issue. The OP hasn't done this, but plenty pile on to every thread about weight failing to acknowledge that 'just eat less cake, it's not hard' doesn't paint the full picture.

If I mention dieting or join in conversations at work I get shouted down that I'm ridiculous as I don't need to lose weight. My scales and clothes disagree 😳
I'm overweight by half a stone and 1.5 stone heavier than I was 2 years ago but apparently I'm smug if I say I need to lose weight

Oh I know M0ther! I just prefer to be at my fighting fit weight (which equals a bmi of maybe 22=23, so hardly emaciated) but I daren't say the words 'no thank you' when offered food, even if I'm full

I'm overweight am totally aware of it,I'm the only one in my family that has struggled with their weight,my parents siblings and kids are all slim.
I have lost and gained weight perhaps 8 times since childhood and always end up back as a size 18 .I am now in my early 40s know I should lose weight again,but honestly don't know if I can be bothered.
I know its portion size ,I exercise, but I love food, wine,and am tired of fighting it and my body.

I love food and I'm overweight. So shoot me. I'm obviously a terrible person.

Brightredpencil I agree 100% with you. Brilliantly written post

And if you think fat people are over sensitive, imagine how it feels to get people commenting on it or giving you "helpful" unasked for advice, all the freaking time.
I am fat, nobody else's business but mine.

I had the opposite experience. People kept commenting when I was slim. Now I am fat no one says anything

I've just been on a 50th birthday weekend away with five female friends .

I've got a BMI of 23, am 5'2 and 9 stone, so slim but far from skinny.

Was told several times I was like a beanpole/'tiny', was ribbed for going for a run one morning.Got lots of comments when I ate crisps or chips or cake ('can't believe you can eat crisps and stay that slim you're so lucky - I could never do that, I only have to look at a crisp to put a pound on'').

I'm not lucky - I might stuff my face on crisps one evening but the next day I'll make sure I don't go mad. Or have a blow out weekend and a healthy week etc. Just balance.

I was stunned at the denial. The rest of them are overweight but seemed to have normalised that and see me as skinny!! But of course I'd never say that. But it was hard to know how to respond to the 'you're so tiny' comments. I just kept saying 'oh blimey I'm really not' type thing.

Name changed as this is sensitive.

Two obese members of my family died prematurely, I'm not an expert but I believe their weight was the ultimate cause and that it was years, decades in fact, in the making.

Both had a similar story which started with falling and crushing their own hip, then needing to use a walking stick for years & years, only walking short distances to/from the car and as they got into their late 60s, became unable to fit into a driver's seat & only moving within their homes, putting on more weight & needing to order special shoes and clothes that fit comfortably.

Then came the issues that come from not moving & being overweight like swelling, sores, bad circulation, infection, joint issues, dizziness etc and it just escalated until they were in hospital unable to fight anything off and the doctors could do nothing to help them.

In hospital one of my relatives was too embarrassed to ask to go to the loo as she felt like a burden needing several members of staff and a winch to lift her each time. At their funerals both coffins had to be rolled in on wheels as they were too heavy for a group of men to carry.

I now fully expect this to happen to a third member of my family who is getting old and has been obese my whole life. I'm dreading seeing him with a walking stick but I know nothing I do or say will make any difference so I say nothing.

Sorry if people don't like to hear the reality but your health affects the people who love you - whether they express it or not - and I guess can't help but feel some sense of ownership or wanting to do something to help out of fear for the future.

I urge anyone worried about their weight to seek help - find out what is the root cause and tackle that. Nothing serious will happen overnight or even in the next 10 years but I've seen how it creeps up.

snapcrap I think a lot of people don't think there is a category called "normal", you're either skinny/slim or you're overweight. When diets are discussed in magazines etc people almost never say they want to be a normal weight, they say they want to be slim/thin/skinny. Your friends probably know they are overweight, and want to be slim like you, hence all the comments.

But Assinated In the 1960s early 70s 'slim' WAS normal, not skinny or obese. I used to live in a suburb in Nth London and it wasn't a small one, everyone walked to the shops ,schools etc. I remember literally ONE obese family in the town. dm used to say it was in their genes.

Yes, that's what I mean. That what is normal is now perceived as slim, but there is no concept of normal any more. There is constant reference to slim/thin/skinny without associating that as a normal weight. You are either skinny or overweight. Whereas there is a wide range of normal in actuality.

If you think that overweight people are considered normal weight now, what do you think could help to change that perception?

(I am very overweight, I know I am, I'm not an idiot. I know what a normal weight would be for my height, deluding myself is not the issue for me.)

Sirzy Because sometimes it's easier to bury your head in the sand than tackle the issue.... Thankfully for me something did click and I have dropped 7 stone to a size 6/8 clothes

I had that click too. I lost nigh on 6 stone and went from a size 24, to...not much different really. Maybe the odd 20 or 18 at a push, but that could easily have been vanity sizing. And I was certainly able to keep wearing most of my old clothes and not look like tenty. Whether that was muscle (I have lots) or big bones or random hateful fate, I don't know.

But it certainly meant my motivation to continue vanished along with any willpower I had left and I probably felt worse than ever. Fucking sucks. So I don't like talking about weight at all, although I will always compliment a friend if I know they are trying and have achieved loss.

"I don't know why people have to get involved in things that do not affect them in any way; "

The obesity crisis affects us all Emerald.

"It doesn't harm you to any degree that you friend overeats. "

I disagree with this. People are often a similar size to those around them and it's sometimes difficult not to pick up habits from each other. I find it much harder to eat healthily in this country because there's a culture of junk food and biscuits at the office. Also, as we move around among larger people our perception of 'normal' changes, meaning we're more likely to gain weight ourselves. It's a problem that affects the whole of society.

Yes I agree Gwen As I said upthread though this is an obesogenic society.

I lost 3 stone with the Paul mackenna way of eating, and have kept it up but the pressure from family and friends to eat crap ALL the time is immense. I have taught myself to prefer healthy food so I can withstand it! I like my new clothes and not having a bulgy belly