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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU to meet up with my lovely ex after 25 years?

524 replies

Ruralbliss · 20/01/2017 16:25

I'm very happily married to a gorgeous man who makes me laugh, same values etc three nice teenage kids, lovely house, great career etc All good. Lucky me.

For a number of years (5-10?) I've idly wondered what my smashing boyfriend of yesteryear has been up to since we split amicably we were 22. He was gorgeous, hard working and extremely thoughtful & kind. He supported me through the tragic death of my dear friend and together we staggered through an unwanted pregnancy & resulting abortion. I instigated the split just before my final year at university (we were at different universities but from the same home town) as I was a bit of an emerging party animal and he wasn't. Occasionally I'd think of him and look at photos or letters but not very often but if I did I assumed he'd settled down with someone else.

Whenever I thought of him I'd do a bit of online searching which never yielded any results (fairly common names so no surprise) and gradually got more and more worried that perhaps he'd suffered an untimely death & I was none the wiser.

This week I finally found him online - doing v well for himself it would appear & checked with DH that he was ok with me getting in touch with him (yes). Drafted an email which resulted in a near instant response & a big yes to a possible in person meet up, mutual usage of old pet names, how amazing it was to hear from me & how he'd also tried to locate me.

As soon as I received the email I felt like a grinning, love struck teen & haven't been able to get him out of my head, reading his our email exchanges over & over and wondering when/where we'll be able to meet.

It now feels risky and a little bit secretive & although I'm soooo looking forward to seeing him again after so many years I'm also conscious that I may be wandering into dangerous territory and possibly re-introducing someone into my life which may cause emotional traumas ahead.

So, wise Mumsnet collective AIBU to go ahead with arranging a date to meet up with mister gorgeous from the past to find out how his mum is, whether he has kids, his extraordinary career etc or is this a big no no as being naive about what this could lead to?

If IANBU then any suggestions of the format and logistics of where to meet up very much welcomed (a nice bar with waiter service I figured was best as too much chat to be had & don't want to talk with my mouthful!)

OP posts:
Ruralbliss · 21/01/2017 19:49

Could someone please have the courtesy to point out why they think I'm a troll and why this thread should be zapped?

I've been honest and polite from the outset aside from the typo with the kids ages.

I've no idea what a sock puppet is but off to google it and guessing you think I'm sad enough to have two MN accounts and one is Polly.

Nope I'm busy moving furniture, painting scenery for a Harry Potter party, cooking dinner & putting laundry out!

Still amused at the thought that I've made up my life and the hilarity about my SN twins

What are you all like? People come here for wisdoms from a range of woman & you start bullying anonymously for no apparent reason.

What a lot of bitchy suspicious nasty sour cows there are out there - no wonder you don't let your DHs contact people from their pasts. You don't trust anyone do you!?

OP posts:
Ruralbliss · 21/01/2017 19:57

Yep I was right.

Only Polly & I know that we're not the same person.

Again nasty suspiciousness at play in even thinking two posters were the same.

Now that I've worked out how different my mind works from a lot of the people on this thread I'm even more confident on my ability to control myself in meeting ex

Oh and I just spoke with DH & he really couldn't be enticed to read the thread.
'Have I really got to read all this?' was his Q and 'Why would you ask a bunch of unknown birds?' and 'Of course you want to meet him - you haven't seen him for decades and thought he was dead' and 'No I'm not worried or jealous just like you weren't when I went to see L'
Good DH! He really is a diamond.

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 19:58

"What a lot of bitchy suspicious nasty sour cows there are out there - "

Your manners seem to have deserted you. How uncouth you are.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/01/2017 19:58

You're hilarious OP, personally I don't think you're a sock puppet but instead a deluded woman who had a male model ex boyfriend ergo you must have been or still are gorgeous.

I think you're like the rest of us, normal. and bored as fuck with poor DH

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 19:59

Your DH calls women " birds"!?
Wow.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/01/2017 20:00

Cara my thoughts exactly "mid life crisis" only for a woman!

I keep visioning Zoe Ball after she had an affair and we know had that ended don't we

chatnanny · 21/01/2017 20:01

I agree that way madness lies. If you really want to meet up make it with your DH

hidingwithwine · 21/01/2017 20:30

😂😂😂😂 whatever, OP. I love that totally verbatim quote from your DH.

Birds? Really? I'd LTB and go off into the sunset with your scrummy ex.

Magzmarsh · 21/01/2017 20:47

Lol at "birds". I agree with hiding, go and fire up the Capri and floor it to your knitting pattern model hunky ex, he'll take care of you so well you special, special laydeeee 😂

JanuaryMoods · 21/01/2017 20:48

Could the troll hunters just fuck off, please?

Irritating and pointless.

PollyPerky · 21/01/2017 20:53

For the record, I am not Ruralbliss. And she's not me.

Emmageddon · 21/01/2017 20:56

The grass is not always greener.

chatnanny · 21/01/2017 20:59

I hadn't read the whole thread when I posted before. I know; RTFT!
Just popping back to say, you've had all
the sane advice and you sound a sensible
and considered couple, it's great you're sharing this decision with your DH. If I were you I'd bugger off now as the nasties will only get more unpleasant as the evening wears on!

ArmySal · 21/01/2017 21:01

Have I really got to read all this?' was his Q and 'Why would you ask a bunch of unknown birds?' and 'Of course you want to meet him - you haven't seen him for decades and thought he was dead' and 'No I'm not worried or jealous just like you weren't when I went to see L'
Good DH! He really is a diamond.

Aaaaaahhh haaaaaaaaa Grin

whowouldknow · 21/01/2017 21:09

Show your dh your post - base your decision on his reaction.

Skating on very thin ice

SuperFlyHigh · 21/01/2017 21:12

Good god chatnanny i really think totally different people have read this thread...

OP screams out to a lot of us as a bored mum who is infatuated with her ex and would drop her knickers for him in a flash if he so desired it...

KittensWithWeapons · 21/01/2017 21:25

'What a lot of bitchy suspicious nasty sour cows there are out there'. Well don't you just sound delightful, Ruralbliss.

'Why would you ask a bunch of unknown birds?'. Birds? Really? Yeah, your DH sounds just as lovely as you. Made for one another, it seems.

Look, people have tried to offer advice. It clearly sounds like you're smitten with this ex. Hunting him down on the internet for years? Strange. But whatever, meet him, don't meet him. Nobody really cares, people were just trying to advise you. To which you got all disgruntled and chippy. So go meet him, that's obviously all you wanted to hear

SuperFlyHigh · 21/01/2017 21:30

I personally don't care about the outcome... But sad to say OP, if it goes tits up which it will if you have a happy ever after outcome, the women in relationships won't be half as forgiving as we have been! Grin

And Any Fucker rocks and is never wrong fan girl emoticon!

DebbieDownersGiveItARest · 21/01/2017 22:13

I would love to know what inspired such vicious posts - its a shame as its a subject i would have liked to have read intelligent remarks about.

I liked a post way back about this being your red porsche moment... and a few others but the rest - urghhhh.

DebbieDownersGiveItARest · 21/01/2017 22:19

cara

I dont think for a second op is having a mid life crisis - but lets say she is - is it a crime, is it the most ridiculous thing ever to have one> to wonder what life might have been like - is it so rare to have feelings for someone years ago but still understand the context of back then and now?
Is it possible to fancy someone but not love them and not ever want to be with them sexually or married? Do we sneer and belittle people who have mid life crisis? Really - is this what we do?

Aridane · 21/01/2017 22:43

Assuming the OP not to be a fantasist or a troll, I think the most likely outcome of a meeting with The Ex Hunk is nothing much. Why is it assumed that Executive Chic Male Model Ex all be as infatuated with OP as she is with him?

AnyFucker · 21/01/2017 23:03

Op seems to think so Smile

SuperFlyHigh · 22/01/2017 02:02

This reply has been deleted

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twattymctwatterson · 22/01/2017 02:21

Op please go back and read your op with fresh eyes. This is a man who you had a relationship 20 years ago. It's not remotely normal to be thinking about someone for years, searching for them online and reading old letters! Did something happen to trigger all this 5/10 years ago? Were you going through a rough patch in your marriage or feeling dissatisfied with life in general. You may not be prepared to admit this even to yourself yet but you are looking for an affair and meeting this man won't end well

SuperFlyHigh · 22/01/2017 02:27

twatty OP thinks she and ex are star crossed lovers!

What's worse is some other silly respondents on this thread who either have the same stuff going on in their marriages or they seem to want to condone OPs affair in the making!

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