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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU to meet up with my lovely ex after 25 years?

524 replies

Ruralbliss · 20/01/2017 16:25

I'm very happily married to a gorgeous man who makes me laugh, same values etc three nice teenage kids, lovely house, great career etc All good. Lucky me.

For a number of years (5-10?) I've idly wondered what my smashing boyfriend of yesteryear has been up to since we split amicably we were 22. He was gorgeous, hard working and extremely thoughtful & kind. He supported me through the tragic death of my dear friend and together we staggered through an unwanted pregnancy & resulting abortion. I instigated the split just before my final year at university (we were at different universities but from the same home town) as I was a bit of an emerging party animal and he wasn't. Occasionally I'd think of him and look at photos or letters but not very often but if I did I assumed he'd settled down with someone else.

Whenever I thought of him I'd do a bit of online searching which never yielded any results (fairly common names so no surprise) and gradually got more and more worried that perhaps he'd suffered an untimely death & I was none the wiser.

This week I finally found him online - doing v well for himself it would appear & checked with DH that he was ok with me getting in touch with him (yes). Drafted an email which resulted in a near instant response & a big yes to a possible in person meet up, mutual usage of old pet names, how amazing it was to hear from me & how he'd also tried to locate me.

As soon as I received the email I felt like a grinning, love struck teen & haven't been able to get him out of my head, reading his our email exchanges over & over and wondering when/where we'll be able to meet.

It now feels risky and a little bit secretive & although I'm soooo looking forward to seeing him again after so many years I'm also conscious that I may be wandering into dangerous territory and possibly re-introducing someone into my life which may cause emotional traumas ahead.

So, wise Mumsnet collective AIBU to go ahead with arranging a date to meet up with mister gorgeous from the past to find out how his mum is, whether he has kids, his extraordinary career etc or is this a big no no as being naive about what this could lead to?

If IANBU then any suggestions of the format and logistics of where to meet up very much welcomed (a nice bar with waiter service I figured was best as too much chat to be had & don't want to talk with my mouthful!)

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 17:36

"GahBuggerit

soooooooo one minute you say your life isnt boring.....but then sound as excited as a cat with a cream filled arsehole if it could talk when you receive a reply from an ex boyfriend of 25 years?

Hokay! grin"

The cream reference is v v amusing!!

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 17:37

Capri is a fake fruit drink, no?

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 17:38

Capri is a fake fruit drink, no?

WellErrr · 21/01/2017 17:41

He's well on board apparently foxy

PollyPerky · 21/01/2017 17:41

There are some very nasty, spiteful people on here.
Maybe jealous? Maybe bored? But nasty either way.

Strong marriages are not broken by meeting up with someone you loved decades ago. It ought to be possible to meet for old time's sake without being accused of mid life crises etc.

Take no notice OP. Go into it with your eyes open and ignore the doom mongers.

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 17:41

Think the drink Capri is 🍊!

DebbieDownersGiveItARest · 21/01/2017 17:44

Op I don't know why people have been so vile to you either. Confused

i am sure you can manage to meet this man amicably and nothing more. Smile ( maybe other posters wouldnt trust themselves)

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 17:44

JEALOUS?!?! Unlikely...
...just being greatly entertained!

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 17:45

Why does she need to ask online people, then?

GeekyWombat · 21/01/2017 17:48

What did your DH say after reading this thread OP? Curious minds need to know.

GahBuggerit · 21/01/2017 17:49

it is Cara, also possibly considered as a good idea during a mid life crisis!

fourkids · 21/01/2017 17:49

I don't understand why, if your marriage was 'strong' you'd want to meet up with a significant ex 'for old time's sake'

Also, IMO strong marriages stay that way because both parties do their bit to keep them strong...if/when one party decides to chip away at that strength, they risk weakening the marriage. Outside influences beyond your control can and sometimes do weaken/break a marriage. It seems to me that to deliberately doing so is bonkers.

Anyway, IMO this thread is pointless. Either it's some sort of fantasy, or the OP plans to do it anyway. I'm off to find a thread about a loo brush, parking or how to clean the shower :)

GahBuggerit · 21/01/2017 17:52

Im posting cos im bored ill be honest.

guess im not the only one

DebbieDownersGiveItARest · 21/01/2017 17:55

I don't think thread is bonkers at all its just a shame she attracted the harridans.

People have spoken to her as if she had said " i want to run away with my delicious ex -and leave my DH what do you think" such vitriol.
Why do people care so much to invest so much vitriol here. Confused

In among the tar and feathers op did get good advice and things to mull over on and twas ever thus on here.
Will you tell us how it goes op.

Ruralbliss · 21/01/2017 18:03

Thanks Polly & Debbie (I was thinking the same re the nasties and their own obvious issues)

Happy to give an update after the meet up which will likely go ahead in the next few months.

Do I post another comment here rather than start a new fred?

Thanks again all who posted and didn't say nasty things about my life or me being a troll.

OP posts:
PollyPerky · 21/01/2017 18:05

fourkids your post implies the OP is looking for a romance.
If you can't understand why someone would want to meet someone significant BUT have no intention of rekindling anything, then that's showing imo a complete lack of imagination and empathy. It's got nothing to do with having a strong marriage because she's not looking to date this guy FGS!

Crispbutty · 21/01/2017 18:13

"Might be a sexist observation but I've never met a female Capri driver!"

I'm female, 47, and my first three cars were all capris as I loved them.. Still do but they are too expensive to buy now.

CatchTheRainbow · 21/01/2017 18:31

Jealous of what exactly?

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 21/01/2017 18:32

Yeah, you'll be super, OP. Keep us posted.

Barefootcontessa84 · 21/01/2017 18:33

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HopefulHamster · 21/01/2017 18:38

Just ask whether he's settled down in your messages etc. Polite and doesn't need to become anything more.

MrsGB2015 · 21/01/2017 18:47

Don't destroy your family because you are looking into the past with rose tinted glasses!

hidingwithwine · 21/01/2017 19:30

OP you'd obviously decided what to do from the outset but you also knew it wasn't a good move hence posting in the first place.

I'm surprised this thread is still here, actually, thought it would have been zapped by now.

CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 19:42

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CaraAspen · 21/01/2017 19:46

Mid life crisis to the fore!

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