To feel absolutely dreasful about asking parents for equity release.

[Meluamelua]

Just that really.

I'm in a very difficult position with a one pre school DC and one school aged dc and working part time. Unfortunately h left me two years ago (there were problems but I would have worked at it- he is now unemployed and living at his mums). Our home is rented and the land lord has made noises about wanting to sell for the equity. A little, cheap house has come up locally to buy (unusual as is an area with low housing stock) and I could just about do it if one or other of my parents released a relatively small amount of equity (about 100K each) Between them their homes are valued at about 3.5 milion. They have never given me any money before.
My mum is livid I have even asked her and says I am spoilt and grasping. My dad simply put the phone down on me. My brother said I should expect these reactions.

I feel dreadful. Is it so bad to ask this of them? At the end of the day it is security for their grandchildren while still school age and the money will go to them eventually in some form.

Am I naive, grabby, entitled?

Perfectly prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. Go easy though I'm a bit sore from all the stress!

Sorry but in terms of inheritance, it's unlikely reasonable provision would be relevant.

"It is clear that an adult able-bodied child who has no other argument other than to say he is “badly off” is unlikely to be successful with a claim pursuant to the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975."

I do think it's unfair they have so much and you are struggling, but given how you describe your relationship with your parents, YABVU to have asked for the money and imagined they might say yes.

MN has the opinion that the moment a child hits 16 she's not entitled to so much as a teabag from the family pot. Life doesn't share that view.

Nor does MN tbf.

Some posters hold this view others hold the view that they should downsize, move and give the OP whatever she wants.

Both points of view are opposite extremes.

Asking parents to enter into equity release loans isn't as simple and straightforward forward as some people seem to think it is.

Also what risk in all this is the OP taking? Everything is on the parents. What happens if she defaults on payments?

I think it's quite shameful to firstly ask for money from your parents and secondly to ask for so much!!!! They might be living in a big house but if it's paid for, it's a big thing to take out equity on it and have to pay that back when they might not be working. Aren't you a big enough girl to look after yourself? Can't you get a full time job or even move area and get a cheaper house. Can't understand these adults that go begging to parents

My parents have far more than £3.5 million but never in a thousand years would I ask for £200k from them. Definitely wouldn't ask them to take on debt (and equity release is very expensive and frankly stupid debt) to lend me money.

You're an adult. You should be able to cut your cloth by now. You're being unreasonable to expect your parents to fund your preferred lifestyle of being a homeowner. You can move somewhere cheaper and rent, like millions of people do.

It is small in relation to their asset value.

If you were asking for 100k and their houses were worth £300k then you would be unreasonable, but with the value being so high I think they are awful to refuse to help you. They wouldn't even notice that minimal loss. And what will they be doing with these huge assets but hoping to leave them to their children though I wouldn't bet on it as they sound shite parents

My mother would give her last drop of blood for me and I would do the same for my children. I'm sorry for you OP.

£200k is alot, I think the most you can ask really is if they could they help you with a deposit? they may not even be able to do that though, I know my parents couldn't.

Op has already accepted she is unreasonable...

200k a small amount?! Bloody hell! That's not far off twice the cost of my house

Your deffinately under serious misapprehension thinking that parents have to make reasonsble provision for there children,how they choose spend waste and fritter away there money is entirely there choice.
You seem to think they owe you and you should have all you need and realistically do nothing for it,so no wonder they put the phone down on you.

My mother would give her last drop of blood for me too but I'd never ask her to support me. She spent years of her life doing that, now it's my time to support her. An adult asking a parent for vast amounts of money is just wrong in my opinion.

Thanks whatthefox. For a minute there, I wasn't sure what I should do, but then you came along and sorted it all out

Op don't rely on having a claim on their estates. See eg here:

www.sheddenfamilylaw.co.uk/inheritance-act-fact-sheet.php

"For all other applicants [this is non spouse/civiunder the Inheritance Act, ‘reasonable financial provision’ means such provision as it would be reasonable in all the circumstance of the case for the applicant to receive for his maintenance. Thus the court will not make an order in these circumstances only because the applicant feels that the Will or Intestacy is unfair or is not as they expected. The applicant must show that he had a reasonable expectation of having his living costs met by the deceased. If the applicant was financially independent of the deceased before the date of death, it may be very difficult to show such an expectation."

I cannot see how the OP's parents are getting a hard time here. Why the fuck shouldn't they have nice houses and final salary pensions. £200k is a huge amount of money and can't believe someone would have the nerve to ask for that amount. It's nice for family to help each other out but it is really hugely cheeky to ask for someone to get into hundreds of thousands of pounds in debt for you.

How would you have the means to pay off the £200k and your mortgage?

To be fair, I can see how, in the middle of the night when you are desperately trying to work out a way to buy your own house, it can seem like a good idea. If it was cash they had spare, it might even be a good idea. Trouble is, great ideas from the middle of the night tend to turn to dust in the light of day.
In the great scheme of things, you didn't stamp on their puppy, you haven't murdered them in their beds and no real harm has been done.

Olympiathequeen, it may be exactky as I said that there Homes were bought like mine many years ago at a small cost which means the only way to give such a huge sum would be them selling.
So why should they sell to help someone that dosent seem to help herself ?
Or could be the arrogance of her thinking they should do it just because it's her and she wants it.

Really appreciate the supportive posts of course - and of course as usual there are people who pile in and stick the boot in. It's a shame.

You could just about afford this house if they gave you £200k

You can't afford it then!

My parents would never call me granny or slam the phone down on me though-they would kindly tell me if wasn't possible. It sounds like your relationship with your parents is different though.

From the way you write OP, I'm guessing that your parents aren't together. So there maybe other wives/husbands/children in the picture. Which makes things more complicated. And I seriously hope you didn't mention "a small amount" when making your request.
But the manner of their refusal is heartless. I hope you can all agree to put this behind you.
What do you think you can do now? Are you getting any financial support from your ex? Do you have any savings at all to start building into a deposit?

Doesn't seem to help herself?! What a remarkable judgement to make of a single working parent

I am really surprised by some of the replies on here.

I stick by my original post. If your parents had £3.5m in the bank they were sitting on I would perhaps think slightly differently, but not to the tune of £200k.

I think people are looking at equity release too simplistically

Your parents have presumably worked hard to pay off mortgages and now have a secure home for their retirements. It it very unreasonable to expect them to risk that to help you. As I said if they had bags of cash, then maybe. But not their home.

The huge majority of parents and grandparents help their descendants with significant sums - is that really true?

I would like to challenge this. I am in my 40s now and:-

----Financial assistance I have received from my now deceased Grandparents (including their wills) = zero

--Financial assistance I have received from my (still living) parents since age 16 - £150 , This was over around 20 years ago. I paid them back as soon as I was able to afford

Is this really uncommon? Or is this another thread entirely

£200k is small in relation to their asset value and while I agree with a PP who said that it doesn't always make sense for elderly people to remain in large family homes that are too big for them to heat/maintain etc, that £200k is not easily releasable without them selling and buying something smaller/cheaper, which they may not want to do.

My DM is at the stage as a widow in a 4 bedroom house on a sloping site so lots of steps in the garden etc where she could benefit from moving to say a 2 bed unit on a sheltered housing complex, but the reality is that she has lots of friends in her immediate area that she wouldn't want to leave, she also helps with childcare for grandchildren that live locally and she has the contents of a 4 bed house that would need some serious decluttering and sorting out in order for her to move. So not an easy or quick option.

An assett value means nothing if it's bought and paid for why do you think they should if they could go in debt again for you ?
And as I said they may have bought for a tiny amount of its value now it dosent mean they have the money to loan you as I for sure wouldn't have without selling

Thanks gazelda. He is out of work for to health problems, so no, not in a position to contribute. Once youngest dc is in school and I cab work full time a mortgage will be easier. Will save for a deposit in the meantime. I have a transferable job so more than likely relocate somewhere more affordable. Which will likely be a long way from the gps, unfortunately.