To feel absolutely dreasful about asking parents for equity release.

[Meluamelua]

Just that really.

I'm in a very difficult position with a one pre school DC and one school aged dc and working part time. Unfortunately h left me two years ago (there were problems but I would have worked at it- he is now unemployed and living at his mums). Our home is rented and the land lord has made noises about wanting to sell for the equity. A little, cheap house has come up locally to buy (unusual as is an area with low housing stock) and I could just about do it if one or other of my parents released a relatively small amount of equity (about 100K each) Between them their homes are valued at about 3.5 milion. They have never given me any money before.
My mum is livid I have even asked her and says I am spoilt and grasping. My dad simply put the phone down on me. My brother said I should expect these reactions.

I feel dreadful. Is it so bad to ask this of them? At the end of the day it is security for their grandchildren while still school age and the money will go to them eventually in some form.

Am I naive, grabby, entitled?

Perfectly prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. Go easy though I'm a bit sore from all the stress!

Oh and just because people don't agree with your behaviour doesn't make them hysterical.

Are you their only child?

If not, what might your siblings feel about this? If your parents end their lives with a long spell in residential care everything they have built up could vanish. If your parents intend to to treat you all equally it is not fair to ask to have yours up-front - there might not be enough left to even things out when they are gone.

Even if you are an only, you ahve no right to treat their wealth as yours.

You were wrong to suggest it.

If I lived in a large property worth 1.75 m with an income from an investment portfolio and my daughter and grandchildren were without a secure place to live I think I would feel a strong desire to downsize so as to liquidate part of my assets and help her.

If she suggested equity release I would explain that it isnt the best solution and work out a better one

I think you went about asking your parents for the money the wrong way, OP; equity release is rarely a good idea.

However I agree with those who say it is perfectly reasonable for parents in their position to help their children. We have given each of our two DSs more than the amount the OP is talking about, but they did not ask, nor would they dream of doing so. We, like the OP's parents, have investments and generous pensions and did not miss the money. We prefer to have the pleasure of seeing our sons and grandchildren live in comfortable homes rather than make them wait until we are dead.

Pmsl. I've had plenty of help, but from cash assets not expecting them to either enter an equity release scheme or downsize their home! If they have other assets then it would be logical to talk to them about that, but calling them up and asking them to effectively borrow nearly a quarter of a million pounds is bonkers.

Even if you are an only, you ahve no right to treat their wealth as yours

the process which has enriched them (ie the property bubble) has simultaneously impoverished her generation...wouldnt any decent fair minded person feel a bit uncomfortable about that?

I grew bored of the usual chippy MN hysteria on about page 3, so I've not RTFT.

Most of the responses seem to be from the chicken-a-week financial planners, rather than the ones who know the best way to save money is to make more of it in the first place.

OP's parents clearly have no idea about tax planning. They have a golden opportunity here to avoid inheritance tax by transferring equity, or enhance their income by buying a buy-to-let of their own and then renting it out to the daughter, who will be a rock solid long term tenant and have security of tenure for herself the GCs.

Instead they're going to hand over 40% of their assets to the taxman at some point, or be forced to sell anyway when they need care.

Financial fuckwits being applauded whilst their grandchildren are about to be made homeless .

Good luck with your father tonight. Please don't worry too much. You were trying to look after your DC. I agree that your ask versus their assets is not unreasonable, all the sums involved are large. They also have final salary pensions, I have just recieved mine and am better off than ever before. I also have peace of mind as I have a secure income for the rest of my life. I would help my children in a heart beat, and certainly do my best to give them what I have (home ownership). Everyone is different.
PP have said that you may not get an inheritance, I agree, particularly as they don't seem to be very generous and are not trying to ameliorate tax bills. Please make sure you don't rely on a legacy, if it does come in time then it's a lovely extra.

Like i said, i am moving.

It is hell. Incredibly stressful, and I'm only 40.

If my kids needed help to get on the property ladder i'd do anything i could to help, go guarantor, whatever.

Short of selling my house. I am not moving again until i absolutely have to. But once retired, there's no way i'd get a mortgage or loan, it's hard enough now, working full time.

And to pay 1/3 of my dc's purchase price? No chance. They can start in a small property within their budget.

I recieved nothing to buy my own home. I started with a small flat and worked up.

My mum has an investment portfolio and at the time had a very large house. She has needed every penny for her care in old age though, all the equity released when she downsized, pension, the lot.

OP's parents clearly have no idea about tax planning. They have a golden opportunity here to avoid inheritance tax by transferring equity, or enhance their income by buying a buy-to-let of their own and then renting it out to the daughter, who will be a rock solid long term tenant and have security of tenure for herself the GCs.

Or maybe as the parents are no longer together, theye don't want to be tied together in such a way.

If the OPs parents have new partners how do they feel about it? If they have further DC what happens if they need help?

Life is rarely as straight forward as some like to think it is.

Like i said, i am moving.

It is hell. Incredibly stressful, and I'm only 40.

If my kids needed help to get on the property ladder i'd do anything i could to help, go guarantor, whatever.

Short of selling my house. I am not moving again until i absolutely have to. But once retired, there's no way i'd get a mortgage or loan, it's hard enough now, working full time.

And to pay 1/3 of my dc's purchase price? No chance. They can start in a small property within their budget.

I recieved nothing to buy my own home. I started with a small flat and worked up.

My mum has an investment portfolio and at the time had a very large house. She has needed every penny for her care in old age though, all the equity released when she downsized, pension, the lot.

I would not live in a 3.5 mil house while my child rented. I would sell and dd and ds and I would all live in a perfectly nice paid off house each. But that's me!

I would not live in a 3.5 mil house

No one is. There are two separate properties!

W8woman - I think what you have written is spot on. I am offering to pay up to my current rent to them to help me, as well as to offer them the profit on the investment. I have not been trying to put them at risk while not having any repercussions myself.

Formerpigwrestler9 I said the OP has no right to treat her parents' wealth as theirs and I stand by that. And that is what she was doing.

• Or even to treat her parents' wealth as hers

Melua,

You call your parents cold. You sound pretty cold yourself. So, if they won't give you 200k, you will relocate far from them. You make it sound like a threat. What about your child's father; does he not have contact rights?

I imagine you grew up in one of those large houses (or between them). Have they perhaps already paid for an expensive education for you?

Parents are not cash machines. What do you do for them? Anything? It is an adult relationship now, you are no longer a child, although you sound like one the way you talk about just being given 200k and casually ask for it over the phone, not even thinking it is worth a face to face conversation.

I am just flabbergasted.

come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity.

The op wants her parents to surrender their homes to pay for hers? Do such people exist ? sorry, but having difficulty taking this seriously. Adults don't ask their parent for 100k. Sorry, they just don't

Well the parents don't have to downsize or do a dodgy equity release scheme do they? They can simply remortgage to get at some of their equity as the OP is happy to service the debt.

I am amazed how many people think begging is fine as long as parents are involved.

A kind parent might voluntarily help out, but there is absolutely no reason why they should.

The assumptions, imaginations and down right unpleasantness all par for the course on mumsnet, as usual...

What JaxingJump said.I hope you get things sorted OP.

Thanks dooby

This is getting very weird OP.

There does seem to be a lack of understanding of the difference between an asset and cash in the bank.

Fundamentally how on earth do have any idea what their financial situation is if money is a taboo subject?

I sympathised until your comments on inheritance which do make you seem spoilt and not a little bit naive.

Cut your cloth accordingly.

Feel sorry for you oP
Sorry that you've been so judged on MN and that your parents refuse to help you when it will help you and the kids and they are in a position too.
My dad lived in a 300k house. He had some savings. I asked for 25k of my inheritance early. He asked why. I explained. He said then yes of course. (I was pregnant and wanted to get on the property ladder and had found a modest flat close by)
Your parents were downright rude and it's sad they aren't willing to help.
Don't go out of your way to apologise. Just say it once and continue your life. More rented flats will come up.