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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm so upset

86 replies

LouBlue1507 · 20/01/2017 06:25

I slept in the spare room last night to get some decent sleep and DP stayed in our room with DD (nearly 6 months)

This morning he's told me she fell out of bed last night! He said DD seems ok, cried for a few minutes then went back to sleep.

I'm so upset. I feel guilty I wasn't there and angry that this happened. I'm trying not to be angry with DP, I know it's not his fault and these things happen.

I'm going to the GPs today so will ask them to check her over quickly for me. Sad

OP posts:
GoodStuffAnnie · 20/01/2017 06:29

I would be really upset too. I would've wanted to be woken, but my dp wouldn't have either. He's an adult he can judge well. It happens. She will be fine.

ailPartout · 20/01/2017 07:12

I'm sure he'll try not to be angry with you too when she hurts herself on your watch... which she will.

Yes, you're being unreasonable being upset as well as being angry with him.

Crunchymum · 20/01/2017 07:40

How did she fall out the bed?

If you are co-sleeping tland she is rolling or of rolling age then I assume preventative measures were in place? Bed safety guards?

It happens so try not to worry or apportion blame. Also I'd personally not waste a GP appointment.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 20/01/2017 08:12

I'm upset because I wasn't there and angry because he brought her into bed knowing she's rolling over and on the move.

I'm going to the GPs for myself anyway so asking him to look at her whilst we're there is not a waste a time IMO.

Will get some bed guards now! Thank you

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 20/01/2017 08:22

Poor man was trying to let you have sleep you needed/wanted. Give him a break - plenty on here moaning incessantly about lazy husbands who do nothing.
The child went back to,sleep straight away so no actual problem. He did what most parents do and put a waking baby in with him. He's the child's father why would he need to wake you? Can he not make a reasonable judgement? Is he an idiot?
You need to be less neurotic and more appreciative of his support instead of undermining his parenting and being angry over nothing.
Assume bed is not 10 foot above a concrete floor.

Love51 · 20/01/2017 08:28

Do you know that babies skulls don't fuse immediately? It's mainly so they can get squeezed through a birth canal, but has the added advantage of making them be fine when they fall out of bed.
I think I get where you are coming from. I would have wanted to be there to comfort them, even though my comfort was no different to dhs. (well, mine involved boobs, but his was fine too). You'll get over it. Be nice to dh in the meantime, as pp said, you'll need him to return the favour.

purplefizz26 · 20/01/2017 08:28

YABU to be angry at him.

When she hurts herself while you are looking after her I hope he is more forgiving.

Kids hurt themselves all the time, sometimes parents aren't quite on the ball, nobody is perfect.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 20/01/2017 08:36

I think it's only natural to want to comfort my baby when she's upset it's got nothing to do with DP not being good enough or me undermining him!

I've not shown that I'm angry or said anything to DP it was how I was feeling inside, and I know that it's not his fault, I think it's mothers instinct.

I hardly think wanting to comfort my baby who has fallen off the bed neurotic! Jeez.

OP posts:
MycatsaPirate · 20/01/2017 08:40

Both mine managed to roll off the bed. Even when I was awake.

I have also managed to smack their heads off the door frame while carrying them to bed asleep.

They have banged heads, cut themselves, covered in grazes, bruises and scrapes.

You need to accept that these things happen. And your baby does not need to be checked over by a doctor unless they fell onto a wooden or concrete floor.

ollieplimsoles · 20/01/2017 08:40

I think you're been a tiny bit dramatic op, is dd your pfb?

Falls happen, your DP wanted you to get some decent sleep and if your DD seems ok this morning then forget about this and move on.

Wolpertinger · 20/01/2017 08:41

The GP appointment is for you. If you want them to check over your baby you need to make another appointment for that.

BlueOnMondayNight · 20/01/2017 08:43

but she will hurt herself loads in months and years to come.... and you won't always be around. Its good that she learns to be able to be comforted by people other than you.

I really wouldn't stress about it too much. It sounds like she was absolutely fine. And part of letting someone else look after your child is allowing that someone else to develop the ability to comfort the child and know when something is serious or not (i.e. know what is an appropriate level of action in response to the incident). That won't happen if mum always swoops in to take control.

phuckingfonics · 20/01/2017 08:44

I think some of the posters are being unnecessarily harsh. It could and has happened to lots of us but it is totally understandable if you feel upset that she was hurt. It is what makes you a mother.

As for your husband, go easy on him and hopefully he'll go easy on you when you hurt the baby (which you definitely will - nodding at mycatsapirtate and the door frames - i did that a lotBlush )

FurryLittleTwerp · 20/01/2017 08:45

Agree Wolper. Hard enough for GPs to run on time with everyone bringing lists of their own complaints! Fitting extra people into an appointment is not safe practise.

BlueOnMondayNight · 20/01/2017 08:46

p.s. I went to dr yesterday for myself. DS will ill too so I rang ahead and asked receptionist that if I could get dr to check DS over too.
This was a private GP. I knew what was coming so I said that I'd obviously pay for a second appointment!
I got more than the allotted 20 mins given for a single appointment and dr was able to attend to both of us properly.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 20/01/2017 08:49

THink ppl are being a bit harsh here, OP.

It's all well and good acting like a baby falling off a bed is not a big deal but it can be terrifying for a parent especially a first time one.

I completely get why you feel like this. If your baby is OK then try not to worry too much. I think you feel a bit guilty that you weren't there but there's no need.

You're not being neurotic - it's a good thing you take it seriously. Normal emotions I would say.

lovelearning · 20/01/2017 08:52

Babies bounce.

MLGs · 20/01/2017 08:52

I wouldn't give it another thought personally. Sounds like she's fine.

Get some bed guards though. Good idea.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 20/01/2017 08:53

I'm under no illusions that DD will hurt herself when with me, I used to be a CM so know what babies/children are like and that these things happen.

I do know it's not DPs fault and that he is more than capable of comforting DD.

I'm seeing the GP for postnatal depression and anxiety today so that may be contributing to how I feel.

OP posts:
Elendon · 20/01/2017 08:56

My ex once dropped my 4 month old 2DD on her head. I'd been talking to a mutual friend over coffee at the time whilst in her home. She was dropped onto the floorboards and not from a great height, but she did scream in pain and was a placid baby (and a great sleeper). I'd never thought about it other than being an accident (even though, a month previously, I'd found out he was having an ea with someone). Years later my friend told me that she always felt uncomfortable about it. She said it felt like he had done it deliberately in order for us not to talk together anymore.

londonrach · 20/01/2017 08:57

Abit over to top but understandable. My pfb fell off the sofa yesterday. I didnt realise she learnt to roll. Hugged, cuddled her kept eye on her no lasting effects as after a cry she was back to normal, and no need for gp appt unless you worried. Do what your mummy instincts tell you but yabu to be upset with dh who by the sound of it was allowing you to sleep. Your dd wont remember what happened now x

isupposeitsverynice · 20/01/2017 08:57

DH once put 3m old in hammock... you can see where this is going, I think. I was so angry I could barely look at him! I hope you feel better after your appointment

Only1scoop · 20/01/2017 08:58

Is she normally safe in a crib or similar? Get her sleeping safely and you will sleep far better yourself.

Brightsmoke · 20/01/2017 09:01

I think your getting a lot of stick for sharing your thoughts on a forum OP, however, you need to realise it IS public, and people will have their own opinions that they are free to air. RE the doctors, by all means get her checked if your their anyway, but bear in mind its when people do this sort of thing that makes the doctors run late

UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 09:09

It's only natural to worry especially when it's your first.

All mine have rolled off something, so has my nieces and myself and my siblings.

It's pretty much a right of passage. Your DP was probably just trying to let you have a full nights sleep. YANBU to feel the way you do.

I've read somewhere it's because when they fall they don't tense to like an adult would so they avoid injury. Don't know if there's any truth in it though.

Good luck at the GP's.