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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm so upset

86 replies

LouBlue1507 · 20/01/2017 06:25

I slept in the spare room last night to get some decent sleep and DP stayed in our room with DD (nearly 6 months)

This morning he's told me she fell out of bed last night! He said DD seems ok, cried for a few minutes then went back to sleep.

I'm so upset. I feel guilty I wasn't there and angry that this happened. I'm trying not to be angry with DP, I know it's not his fault and these things happen.

I'm going to the GPs today so will ask them to check her over quickly for me. Sad

OP posts:
Pollyanna9 · 20/01/2017 09:13

I think people are missing the most important thing.

There are two parts to this. That the OP is stressed and upset that she wasn't there to comfort her daughter. Natural, understandable and how we feel and the strong emotional reactions and protective reactions we have as adults towards our children can't always be predicted and aren't always 'rational'.

However, her DP took the 6mo into bed when 'he knows she's starting moving about/rolling about in bed'. So really, he shouldn't have done that in the first place because it SOUNDS like it's not the usual sleeping place for DC and therefore hasn't been planned and isn't a planned co-sleeping arrangement - hence why DC rolled off the bloody bed!

So would I be angry with DH if that happened? Yes, 1. for the rolling off the bed incident itself and 2. that would mostly for the fact that it was entirely avoidable and shouldn't have happened.

Unplanned co-sleeping is dangerous, planned isn't as demonstrated here.

However, people do make mistakes. I put my DS aged about 3 months on the sofa and he fell off - my own angst at that glaring error wouldn't have needed a telling off from anyone but had someone been there to witness it, I'd have had to accept the bollocking because it would have been justified.

DP seems to somewhat be slightly minimising what happened and to possibly not see the level of danger and what COULD have happened potentially (ie he could have rolled on top of DC), he sounds a bit blase (but that could be me reaching, I'm just responding to how I felt and the thoughts I had when I read the original post).

Getting mad angry at the fella probably won't help, understanding why you felt so strongly would be useful for the OP - was it the potential and the possibly poor decision-making that led to the child being put in bed with him that has rattled you? Then a calm discussion with him about co-sleeping needing to be properly planned and the format of it agreed to by both of you not carried out ad hoc.

BlueFolly · 20/01/2017 09:14

So why post on AIBU?

YABU! I think it's very likely to be linked to your anxiety.

Guitargirl · 20/01/2017 09:18

I will gently point out that you are getting this out of proportion OP.

I think it's probably a good idea to mention this when you see your GP. Not because of any harm to your DD but more by way of illustrating your anxiety when you talk to your GP about you. Wish you well and hope you get the support you need (and next time post somewhere other than AIBU).

diddl · 20/01/2017 09:18

I'm thinking that she couldn't have cried much if you didn't hear her.

That said, did your husband not place a barrier of pillows, or whatever to try to prevent this?

JerryFerry · 20/01/2017 09:19

my baby rolled out of bed. I happened to be at GP next day for another reason, wouldn't have mentioned it but GP asked what had happened to the baby as he had a mark on his forehead (carpet imprint from when he fell). Looked quite shocked and checked him over. A friend who took her baby to hospital to be checked over after he rolled off bed was interviewed by police. So no, I don't think it's nothing and I'm not surprised you feel upset.

NowwhatdoIdo123 · 20/01/2017 09:21

Babies are more resilient than you realise. My DD rolled off the bed at about 6 months, she was fine. She's now 19 months and always banging her head and tripping over.

Don't be angry with DP, he didn't push her out of the bed she rolled, he probably dozed off, it happens and at some point she will probably hurt herself while she's with you and you won't want your DP telling you you're a bad parent, will you?

LizB62A · 20/01/2017 09:22

My son rolled off the bed at around that age - there were bed guards and I'd opened the guard, turned around and he rolled out. I'd never seem him roll before...
His two teeth cut into the bottom gum so there was a lot of blood. I took him straight to hospital as all I could see was blood.
They checked him over and told me it was just his gums that were cut and would heal soon, and told me to get the GP to check him the next day anyway.
I was pretty much hysterical through all this.
I'd have been less upset without the blood, but still upset so I understand why you are upset and I wouldn't blame you for getting your daughter checked over today for your own peace of mind

No more co-sleeping without bedguards though - both sides of the bed, to make sure your daughter can't slip, or get stuck, between the bed or the wall (if it's up against a wall)

jojo2916 · 20/01/2017 09:26

Sorry you are feeling this way but it does sound like you are being pretty dramatic accidents are part of life

APlaceOnTheCouch · 20/01/2017 09:30

I'd be upset too Flowers
If it's any consolation, it does happen a lot with babies. I would have a chat with DP about co-sleeping arrangements.
You need to be able to trust him to look after your DD properly when you're sleeping or else you'll never get a decent night's sleep. But, that includes asking him to wake you if she hurts herself or is sick, if that's what you want to happen. Once you have agreed he'll do that, it should make it easier for you to sleep without fretting that you're missing something next door.

SmellySphinx · 20/01/2017 09:34

I can see why you're panicky as it only happened last night x It's always hard when someone else was in the room - you can't help even deep deep down very secretly thinking "Why did you/didn't you do this that, the other"
Unless your bed is 50ft high with a stone floor in the bedroom, I wouldn't worry about it!
Don't be angry with yourself, we can't be everywhere all the time when accidents happen and you know this Wink
Do yourself a favour and listen to your rational side today and try not to worry about it, baby will be fine! xx

SmellySphinx · 20/01/2017 09:35

I hope that is a 'wink' face up there ^ because it's changed to an angry face (on my phone) for some reason

UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 09:40

A friend who took her baby to hospital to be checked over after he rolled off bed was interviewed by police.

Jerry was there nothing else going on?

I've been to hospital loads especially with DD1 who breaks at least one bone a year (football playing mostly currently two of her fingers) and I've never been interviewed by anyone.

The most I've had has been a call off the HV.

ailPartout · 20/01/2017 09:44

Pollyanna you seem to have a fairly infantile view of relationships, the OP's husband and of yourself.

I'd have had to accept the bollocking Hmm

Pollyanna9 · 20/01/2017 09:48

I'm not infantile at all - if someone had seen me do what I did ie leave a baby on a feckin' sofa so it rolled off onto its head I'd be justifiably liable for the other person in the room (whether it be DP, DH, MIL or the next door neighbour) to say Jesus Pollyanna, that was a bit stupid!

That would seem pretty reasonable to me. Maybe 'bollocking' is the wrong word - should have used something more touchy-feely??

SuperTrumper · 20/01/2017 09:57

I would feel exactly the same. It's instinct and yanbu to feel upset.
Just last night, the monitor seemed to not work for a few minutes - I was watching TV. I heard a faint wailing. Turned the TV volume down and DS upstairs in his cot was crying his eyes out. I don't know how long he'd been crying for but I was so upset I felt like ringing Motorola customer services and having a massive go at them for creating a product that intermittently cuts out Blush I know it's not their fault but it's natural to feel angry in the heat of the moment. You will feel fine about it by the end of the day don't worry.

mogonfoxnight · 20/01/2017 10:04

Yanbu to be upset and worried - 6 months is young. There seem to be a bunch of teenagers on mumsnet this morning. There could have been a knock to the head or other injury. For you to mention this to the dr is not wasting his time, because s/he will judge what needs to be done, and when.

We'd co-slept until dc was about 8 months, and in a way doing that meant i had enough sleep so there was less danger about me making a sleep deprived errors of judgement. DH would quite often sleep elsewhere because he didn't want to be sleep deprived... We used cushions first then bed guards. We have a huge double bed which is quite low to the ground and there is a carpet underneath.

JaquieFromTheBlock · 20/01/2017 10:12

Does she normally sleep on a bed?

I would be pissed if my husband let a baby of that age sleep on a bed, it is an accident waiting to happen.

However if that is her usual routine, then get her in cot as its not safe

For the people mocking this, it could have turned out worse

Pollyanna9 · 20/01/2017 10:22

Well said Jacquie.

TreacleTreacleLittleStar · 20/01/2017 10:30

Crumbs1 - That was way too harsh! I bet you wouldn't actually speak to someone like that in real life!!! There was no need to word it quite like that and you know it.

user1484317265 · 20/01/2017 10:30

I think it's only natural to want to comfort my baby when she's upset it's got nothing to do with DP not being good enough or me undermining him!

How is it not? If you are saying you need to be there, then you are saying he isn't enough, or good enough.

All babies fall off the bed, sofa, something, at some point. Every one of them. They are very robust, she's fine. It happens, it could just as easily happened when you were there.

JerryFerry · 20/01/2017 10:38

Unborn I think it's just that the baby was so young (1 week).

UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 10:40

Jerry bloody hell thats young. Sorry I presumed you meant a bit older and usual rolling age Blush

TreacleTreacleLittleStar · 20/01/2017 10:45

YOU ARE ALL NASTY, IRRESPONSIBLE BULLIES ON HERE THIS MORNING!!

There is NOTHING wrong with getting the baby checked out! There is an area on everyone's skull where if it get's knocked it can cause very serious delayed concussion. My friend is a Paramedic and has shown me where this area is. And has also told me of various stories in the past (no details of course) where parents have failed to have their child checked over after an incident, only to find their babies blue the following night.....Cause? Knock to the head. All of them in that one area of the skull.

NEVER EVER EVER EVERRRRR tell a Mother not to get their child checked out. It is the mother's choice and should anything bad turn out, the guilt is on YOUR shoulders!! Just to save GP time?! Unbelievable

slummamumma · 20/01/2017 10:47

OP, your post natal depression will definitely be contributing to how you are feeling today. Dont be so harsh on yourself or your DP. Babies fall out/off stuff all the time and they do bounce! (mycatsapirate doorframes - always felt terrible!). Your DD will be absolutely fine and reframe - she's got good rolling skills! Flowers Hope your Dr is helpful about your PND; it is terribly debilitating but it will get better and you'll feel more positive and be able to put things into perspective more easily very soon

UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 10:49

YOU ARE ALL NASTY, IRRESPONSIBLE BULLIES ON HERE THIS MORNING!!

Do fuck off, I've not one told the op not to get her DD checked out.

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