To leave a ten yr old home alone for an hour

[Florabella]

My younger child is starting a new activity and my (newly) 10 yr old doesn't want to get dragged along as it will mean hanging around outside for half an hour. It's a ten minute walk away. She is very sensible and I'm sure she would be ok at home, but i still feel a bit worried (maybe worried that I would be judged!) would you do it?

Blimey - I was confidently babysitting other children at 14. And a teenager could legally have a child of their own at 16. Which might be a reason not to leave the 14 year olds unsupervised, I suppose.

My 11 year old gets home by 5. No-one else is back until 6 or 7. He makes himself a simple meal and clears up.He seems to like having the house to himself for a bit.
I've not given it much thought as just gets in with it. His school has a common room open until 6 but he prefers to come home and blast away on the Xbox.
Maybe I'm a terrible mother.

A childminder at 14?! You can't get any childcare for children after 9 year olds where I live, no fucking way would someone agree to look after a 14 year old unless they were family or friend. I'd expect a 14 year old to be able to stay home, travel across the country on train/bus, look after younger children - if mine couldn't do that by that age I'd be wondering where I went wrong as a parent.

At 14 I was being paid to look after other people's kids while they worked during school holidays

I think as a parent you know if your child is sensible enough and wouldn't get scared being left alone for short periods. I agree children need to have a degree of independence based on their competency. I am also a child protection social worker, and for me personally I would not leave my nearly 10year old alone, despite her being sensible, she would get scared. And tbh, I personally would not feel comfortable currently.

Definitely. I would think the majority of 10 yo should / could be capable of having an hour at home by themselves without causing major mayhem

An hour or two is fine at the age of ten. Can't baby them forever!

It is really hard to explain to people accustomed to using mobile phones all the time what life was like for us older parents before....You are never really out of touch with your sensible ten year old as long as you have your phone with you and s/he knows how to reach you. Go through the rules, repetitively, and let her enjoy that blissful half hour of peace after you have left the house.

I wouldn't leave my, newly, 10 year old but you know your DC the best to judge the situation.

The argument .."what if I get run over while I'm out?" always makes me ..would it be better for said child to be with you and get run over too...just saying!

My ideal has always been that you work up to these things gradually - so you don't just suddenly leave a 10 yr old alone for an hour - you make a judgement. So maybe when they're 9, or whatever, you leave them alone while you nip to the shop for 10mins, or the schoolrun with another child, or to drive dh to the station - that sort of thing. It builds up gradually - that's what I've always done.

Similar to leaving a child in the bath. You don't just suddenly choose a day to disappear and leave them to bathe in private, you work up to it. So when you're confident they won't sink underwater the second you turn your back, you may use bath time to turn your back and clean the sink, or sort some laundry, and then graduate up to putting some clothes away in another room while constantly checking on them, and so on.

Do it!

My ten year old boy is the youngest of three and very much my baby, but I would still do this! Plug him in to Minecraft and he won't move an inch!

Reading this has made me realise I baby my almost 10 year old

YANBU

It's good for them too.

Clear rules - no answering phone, door etc. No cooking - even kettle/microwave.

Emergency plan and list of contacts. From when my DD could talk properly, we memorised 3 phone numbers with her and full address. The number of times used over the years is high!

I always used to tell a neighbour or my brother too - I'm a worst case scenario person and always have a 'what if I can't get home' plan.

Childminder until 14

Wouldn't that invite teasing/bullying from peers?!?

I just really struggle to see the risk in leaving a well behaved 10 year old on the sofa reading a book at home in a safe neighbourhood while I run local errands.

I was babysitting for money at 13. Agree about increased infantilisation of children.

Ha!

I was expecting to be in the minority saying that for the average 10 year old, yes I would.

Yes I started leaving DD at 10 at home for short periods e.g. Popping to local shops, collecting another child from school etc. Same as above - clear rules, phone number handy, book or computer game to occupy them. She will be walking to school alone at 11, so I do think you have to start giving them some responsibility now.

What I would say, though, is to keep checking that they remember the safety drills. After I'd been regularly leaving her for short (up to 45 mins) periods for a couple of months, aged 8/9, I asked her to tell me what she'd do if the smoke alarms went off. The correct answer was go straight into the garden with the phone and ring me/call 999 if any smoke or flames visible, and don't stop for any of the animals. Her reply was 'go straight to my room, put the duvet along the bottom of the door and make a rope out of my sheet so I can climb out of the window!'. Er... No!

If she answered the phone to anyone who asked for me, the stock answer was 'she's in the bath, she'll call you back'.

daily I totally agree about mobile phones. When I was 12, I would often go out for the whole day with friends and my parents had absolutely no way of contacting me and, if I needed to phone them, I would have to find a phone box. DD is 14 and has been going into central London on her own for the last year. I must admit I would feel uneasy if I had no way of contacting her. As for using a childminder for a 14 year old, words fail me.

Haven't left my 10 yo ds (Y5) yet. Although sit him down with his iPad and I could leave the house without him actually knowing

I do need to start maybe popping to the shops for 10 mins here and there. Build up to longer periods. I can just imagine talking through the rules with him though, we'd probably have a 3 hour discussion about the fire scenario, ds loves to question everything.

I used to leave my 10 year old alone for up to 2 hours at a time and phone him regularly. Now he is 11 I don't even think about leaving him for however long I need to be out. We used to have middle schools (that are now school years 5-8). If you were at middle school you sorted your own kit, your own books, did your homework without being asked and walked to school with your friends) If your mum worked you were at home alone for a couple of hours before she got home. My friend and I used to make sodastream eat cake mix during this time! To me middle school age (from year 5) are pretty much independent

I have started leaving my soon to be 11 yr old twin boys for the odd hour, in prepartion for secondary. They know the rules, have a phone and are absolutely fine.

I've found this thread really useful. My 10 year old (year 6 but youngest in the year) only started walking home this week but started off by meeting him half way and him phoning when he was walking down. I work late on one of the days and he goes to childminders but she was away so I gave him a front door key but left work early but later than i would if i was doing school run and I arrived a couple of minutes after him. He loved the independence. I was a bit worried as have not done it before but after reading these posts think now and again would be ok if I had to work late and it would only be an hour. In September he will be getting the bus to school. Alot of his friends have been walking since year 5 and I know of one that goes home to an empty house for an hour or two most days.