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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a ten yr old home alone for an hour

181 replies

Florabella · 19/01/2017 07:01

My younger child is starting a new activity and my (newly) 10 yr old doesn't want to get dragged along as it will mean hanging around outside for half an hour. It's a ten minute walk away. She is very sensible and I'm sure she would be ok at home, but i still feel a bit worried (maybe worried that I would be judged!) would you do it?

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 19/01/2017 13:28

Yes. Ds (10) walks home from school and lets himself in until dh gets home. Which is usually between 45mins to an hour.

GreenREM · 19/01/2017 13:32

Yes. Rules are not to answer the door or try and cook anything ! We had a spare mobile and have put credit on so she can answer if it's a number recognised or phone us. I tested her by knocking on the door, she didn't answer. In fact she didn't even react when I walked in! I also leave keys in doors in case of an emergency.

Bunnyfuller · 19/01/2017 13:38

Can I jump in here and kind of add to Op's question, I'm kind of in the same wondering place.

My eldest is 12 next week. My youngest 11 in Mar. Would you let them get the school bus home and let themselves in/be without an adult in the house for an hour each day?

I currently work very flexibly, and finish in time for school run, and then do online work from home for another hour/2 hrs per day. There are some meetings and activities I currently don't attend (luckily not mandatory and a very understanding boss) but I'd quite like to possibly open that up a bit. There would be no roads to cross (just the local shop and sweets!)

Sorry to barge in op, good post x

itsmine · 19/01/2017 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarOnTheTree · 19/01/2017 13:57

Bunny

Yes absolutely. As long as you think they're capable. At their ages they normally would be.

Madcats · 19/01/2017 13:59

It really depends on the child. DD I leave for 10-20 minutes to go to the shops/errands. I am very unlikely to get run over etc, but she knows how to use the phone and knows our neighbours... Agin she is not to answer the door or cook (she has been able to make sandwiches/get fruit and drinks etc for a couple of years so she would hardly starve).

One or 2 of her friends I wouldn't trust in our back garden without me looking out every 10 minutes....

Do you have to stay with the youngest child? I am wondering if you could get some exercise by dropping her off, nipping home...start super or something and check on older DC then nip back again).

Bunnyfuller I think your dilemma would depend on whether DC fight like cats and dogs. My DD would be fine (though I'd want them to have a safe route home in the dark).

NavyandWhite · 19/01/2017 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minidollop · 19/01/2017 14:13

Yes. I leave my (only just) ten year old at home whilst I drop my young dd to Rainbows down the road.
Rules are ignore the phone and door, no cooking/kettle, and ring me immediately if you're worried.

PatriciaHolm · 19/01/2017 14:18

My eldest is 12 next week. My youngest 11 in Mar. Would you let them get the school bus home and let themselves in/be without an adult in the house for an hour each day?

Yep. One of mine is 12 and and the other 11 in April, and I happily have them let themselves and be alone here for a couple of hours.

UnbornMortificado · 19/01/2017 14:19

DD1's been left since 9 with the neighbours keeping an ear open. Safe northern village. My last house was in a rough town so I probably wouldn't of then.

I think it really depends on the area and child's maturity.

Funnyfarmer · 19/01/2017 14:25

Yanbu yes you will be judged. But you will also be judged for taking her with with you and leaving her hanging round outside. She's your dd we don't know her I think you already knew that she would be ok at home by herself before you asked on here. Have more confidence in your parentin. When I first starting leaving my dd home alone round about the same age I would give her the house phone and ask her to just leave it on the side while I was connected on my mobile with an ear piece in just so I could listen in. Sounds abit crazy but gave me peace of mind

RupertsMum2 · 19/01/2017 14:33

I left my older two at that age. Ds3 is 10.5 but is quite an anxious child. He will happily walk to school alone or to his friends houses and I leave him alone to walk the dog for 15 mins around a park close to the house but he wouldn't be happy for longer. A sensible 10 year old will be fine.

Evilstepmum01 · 19/01/2017 14:33

Sorry to go against the grain, but I wouldnt either. just a bit too young for me personally, even if the child is sensible!

But OP, you know your child best! Grin

balence49 · 19/01/2017 14:37

Yes defiantly fine... my dh goes white when he realises things like this happen in our house. I explain that this is exactly the reason he couldn't work an oven/ washer/ wipe his own arse when he moved in with me and there's no chance on this earth my kids will be so hopelessly dependent on me forever more. They have to learn to be independent and take responsibility for themselves.

Bushymuffmum · 19/01/2017 14:40

Yes defiantly fine... my dh goes white when he realises things like this happen in our house. I explain that this is exactly the reason he couldn't work an oven/ washer/ wipe his own arse when he moved in with me and there's no chance on this earth my kids will be so hopelessly dependent on me forever more. They have to learn to be independent and take responsibility for themselves.

You and I could be bff's balence!

bonbonours · 19/01/2017 14:41

I've been leaving my 10 year old for 15 minutes while I drive siblings to an activity for a while now. She's off sick (nothing drastic just sore throat and temp) and the last two days I had to leave her for an hour a couple if times as had work commitments. She has a phone and rules, and also walks 15mins to school on her own sometimes.

The first hour, when I came back she was fine but slightly anxious and said "that seemed long" so the next time I made sure to tell her the time I'd be back by, and phone when on way back. When I was going to be gone nearly 2hours, she chose to come with me. So it def depends on the child and you.

Rowgtfc72 · 19/01/2017 14:43

I've left dd for an hour since she was nine. She's sensible and knows the rules. There is always a contact able adult at the end of the phone.

dustarr73 · 19/01/2017 14:45

Sorry to go against the grain, but I wouldnt either. just a bit too young for me personally, even if the child is sensible!

So what age is alright with you.They have to learn these things and the sooner the better.You have to start with small steps.Its for their own development.

Natsku · 19/01/2017 14:51

Absolutely fine, go for it. Most 10 year olds should be able to handle an hour at home alone.

Normal where I live for children to be home alone for a couple of hours in the afternoon from 7 or 8 years old but definitely (if both parents work) from 9 years old at the latest as there is no after-school care after 8 years old.

Evilstepmum01 · 19/01/2017 14:55

I totally agree with teaching kids independence. I just think 10 theyre still at primary, still 'little'.
I think 12 is a better age-they're at the academy or high school, starting to do things by themselves and take responsibility.
But I'm thinking of my circumstances and our kids (both are taught to be independent, but DSD can be clingy and DS is mischief!).
Like I said, its down to the individual child and parent!

PacificDogwod · 19/01/2017 14:56

Yes, I would (and have, younger than that).

These threads always upset me: ultimately it is all down to the individual child/set of circumstances/parental risk-aversion or otherwise.
What is fine for me and my child, might horrify others.

And I totally agree about the absolute need to let children learn to be independent. I know the world has changed, but not that much. A lot of the risks are perceived risks and are perfectly manageable.

hungryhippo90 · 19/01/2017 14:56

I am so, so overprotective (the word neurotic gets bandied about a bit by my friends!)
And I do think you should go for it, I'd double check how she deals with certain situations first.

I've been double checking my daughters view of how things should be done to keep ourselves safe. By DDs age, she will have a fairly good idea... my one has just turned 9, so slightly younger.

Seeing these things will probably help you gain trust in her judgement too.

Sittingunderafrostysky · 19/01/2017 14:57

I'm also a bit wary of this. I have a just turned 10 year old, sensible child, but it doesn't feel right yet.

I left his brother for an hour or so at 11 years, and now he's 13 years he's absolutely fine for a few hours at a time, walks 45 mins from school, into town etc.

It didn't hold him back to wait that year, and they do grow up a huge amount between 10 and 11 years.

Iwantamarshmallow · 19/01/2017 15:36

No I wouldn't leave a 10 year old at home alone.

stoopido · 19/01/2017 15:51

I think it depends on the child. My son is 9.5 but he is a very young 9 year old. Still really bad at road crossing etc. so at the moment I don't feel confident about leaving him.
My sister used to walk alone to school when she was 9 but there wasn't a road just one straight 5 minute walk.

I used to get left alone in the house frequently when I was a child of about 11. I was very streetwise but even I stupidly opened the door to a stranger when my mum had left the house and there was a knock at the door literally minutes later. I thought it was my mum so opened the door and a guy tried to come in. Thankfully, my neighbour heard what was going on; she'd seen him watching our house for a good while, he'd seen me playing out and then obviously saw my mum leave the house. She told the man to hop it and for me to shut the front door!