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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave a ten yr old home alone for an hour

181 replies

Florabella · 19/01/2017 07:01

My younger child is starting a new activity and my (newly) 10 yr old doesn't want to get dragged along as it will mean hanging around outside for half an hour. It's a ten minute walk away. She is very sensible and I'm sure she would be ok at home, but i still feel a bit worried (maybe worried that I would be judged!) would you do it?

OP posts:
Patsy99 · 20/01/2017 00:47

So cheered up by the attitudes on this thread. I was practically feral by the time I was 10yrs old and loved the responsibility and independence of being able to do stuff on my own.

I often hear other Mums refusing to leave their 10 year old ("the world's not safe, anything could happen") and am baffled.

Having said that, have offered to leave DS 9 home alone while I go and collect his sibling from nursery and he doesn't want to be left. Guess you have to take cues from whether your dc feels confident about it.

Lilaclily · 20/01/2017 06:49

I agree they're is a big contrast , for example dd is one of the oldest in her year hence already being 10 in year 5 , so even though they're not allowed to come home alone in year 5 in year 6 kids of the same age will be !

Rowgtfc72 · 20/01/2017 08:04

Altiara, that's it exactly. It's not a case of just abandoning your nine/ten year old. It's making sure theyre comfortable then building up the time so they're confident on their own.

I think a lot of people, many of my friends certainly, have this magic year 7 in their head.

angeldelightedme · 20/01/2017 08:24

With every decade that passes children seem to be infantilised atxan older and older age.

HandsomeDevil · 20/01/2017 08:37

totally agree altiara
locally there is no after school childcare for secondary age children. so IMO the children of parents who work outside the home need gradually to get used to a little more independence and responsibility before then, rather than being plunged straight into being home alone for two hours every day.

Dulra · 20/01/2017 08:44

I think it really depends on the child. My dd1 is 9 (10 in August) she is quite scatty and can be impulsive and often do silly things that she hasn't thought through so I really wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her at home on her own any time soon. I let her call to local friends and stuff but being in the house I would worry she would just do something silly. Also I think she would love the idea of it but in reality might freak out a little if left on her own - she has a very active imagination. On the other hand my dd2 is 6 nearly 7 and she is so mature and responsible I would have no issues leaving her now! (I wouldn't of course still a bit young). So it is really hard to say an age every child is different and will be ready for it at different times

JsOtherHalf · 20/01/2017 08:45

DS's school won't let year 5 ( turning 10 that academic year P6 in Scotland/NI) walk home last term or this term. They permit it in the summer term, but only with another child the same age or older...

DS is looking forward to it.

I would leave him for an hour without worrying too much.

dustarr73 · 20/01/2017 09:37

DS's school won't let year 5 ( turning 10 that academic year P6 in Scotland/NI) walk home last term or this term. They permit it in the summer term, but only with another child the same age or older...

I dont understand how a school can stop you letting your child walk home.

Its weird i can see it from teh other point of view.My mam never let me walk home or do anything and it really stifled me.It meant when o got older and could do those things,i hadnt a clue.I was just pushed in at the deep end,with no getting used to it.I found that very hard.

amusedbush · 20/01/2017 09:40

DS's school won't let year 5 ( turning 10 that academic year P6 in Scotland/NI) walk home last term or this term.

That's a bit weird! I walked to and from school (five minutes away) alone from the age of 7 (in 1997, not that long ago Grin) and nobody batted an eye.

JsOtherHalf · 20/01/2017 09:56

There is a child in the class who lives beside the entrance gate - seriously - and they aren't allowed to walk home.

I walked to and from school on my own at 4 (1970s NI).

Natsku · 20/01/2017 11:11

I walked to school with my brother/on my own (once he went up to secondary school) from year 3 I think but mum also picked me up because she liked chatting with the other mums at pick up time, and because half the time I'd be wanting to go round a friend's/have a friend come round ours straight after school.

Where I live now they are no rules about who can walk alone, they walk alone from preschool (age 6) apparently but there's a bus for preschoolers so doubt many do, but from 1st grade DD will probably walk alone once I'm sure she knows the route well (its a path through the forest so no major roads to cross or anything, think she can actually get right to the school from the forest path so no road walking at all)

steppemum · 20/01/2017 12:07

no problem, I leave my 9 year old occasionally. Usually for 20-30 minutes and usually when we are very close, but she is fine.

Do go over the rules though, I had to go out to a meeting and dds aged 9 and 11 would be at home for 1 hour before dh and ds got home. Over dinner I said what would you do if there was a fire.
dd2 (9) said - Go upstairs, fetch my teddies and then go out of the door. Shock We have been over this before, more than once.

me - Ha Ha , what would you really do?
dd2 - go up stairs and get my teddies.....

Then followed a serious talk about what you do in that situation, and some others.

pixiehollow · 20/01/2017 13:21

At 10 I used to be left alone while my grandparents went to church or food shopping for an hour or 2, I loved it! I used to put on loud music and dance like crazy all over the sofas. They didn't know that

Maxabella2 · 20/01/2017 13:45

This is a tough one as I'm in the same position but with a very difficult ex husband that is forever threatening family court (just part of our divorce-no issues!)again I feel I have to tread VERY carefully
Interesting to follow this thread🙂

Patsy99 · 20/01/2017 14:31

JS - my MIL used to get the bus to school on her own - age 5! 1950s England. We don't agree on many things tbh but she really doesn't understand the modern fear of letting children have the independence they're ready for.

zukiecat · 20/01/2017 16:24

No, I wouldn't

I didn't leave mine alone til they were 15, that's just what I was comfortable with and I know it's late by some people's thoughts

I know they were walking to secondary school at 12, but again they never went alone, they always had friends to walk with

Think they were around 15/16 before they could go into town by themselves too

Clandestino · 20/01/2017 18:05

I was once listening to a radio show where a Mum was considered a total failure because she left her 13 year old!! alone for three hours while working.
What if the house catches fire! What if the house gets burgled!
Considering that I'm barely scrapping 5 inches, any 13 year old is heavier and bigger than me so I just laughed at the idea of me heroically scaring a burglar away while keeping my little 13 year old son behind me (considering my 7 year old DD is almost as big as myself).

It's no problem at all. Nothing is going to happen, especially if he gets the drill on how to behave. He'll be OK.

GoldenBubble87 · 20/01/2017 18:08

Zukiecat I'm with you on this one. Children can be the most well behaved and mature but it's sometimes curiosity or things beyond our control that happen.

blueeyes99 · 20/01/2017 18:11

Yes, I used to.

In fact at my son's old primary school (in London) the head teacher said that he wanted all children regularly traveling to school on their own by the end of year 5 (admittedly many lived within fifteen minutes walk) but I think that is even more of a challenge than being left home alone for an hour.

2017willbeawesome · 20/01/2017 18:21

Yes and yes I did, my Ds was walking home & latch key by spring of year 5. Age 10. The after school clubs can't really cater for that age & it was only an hour or max 2. Nothing wrong with it, and it helped his independence when he went off to secondary .. That's an hour journey each way by bus (living in the sticks)! I was also latch key at 10, it was fab - an hour to myself, watch some tele and chill. Perfect way to relax after the school day Smile

zukiecat · 20/01/2017 18:29

Golden

Glad to find someone who agrees with me! I got an absolute roasting when I posted the same thing a couple of years ago

I was told that I must have the most badly behaved DC in the world for me not to trust them alone at that age, well no, my DC have always been exceptionally well behaved, it's just that I wasn't comfortable with leaving them, one day when we were all at home, the local toe rags kicked my front door in for no reason, we were all terrified, what if that had happened when I wasn't there?

PickledCauliflower · 20/01/2017 18:36

I think it depends on the ten year. If sensible and will follow instructions, I would say yes.
Not letting anyone in, no cooking or any other hazardous activities. Have your mobile close to hand in case they need to call you etc.

PickledCauliflower · 20/01/2017 18:37

And I think it also depends on where you live. If you have hooligans hanging about or horrid neighbours I would not leave them alone in the house.

PickledCauliflower · 20/01/2017 18:40

I would have left my oldest alone for an hour at that age, but not the middle child. I wouldn't leave him alone at home at 14 - because he had no common sense and would often go against any instructions.
He is only just starting to get his act together now. At 24 😳

AQuietMind · 20/01/2017 18:41

This is interesting, My ds is 11 and often asks if he can stay at home whilst I go to the post office (which I have to do daily) I always say no but after reading this I'm wondering if I should let him.

For background we live very rural, it is 3 miles to the p.o and I'm normally gone between 45 mins and an hour, Do you think that would be ok?

I always worry what would happen if I had an accident, although dd (15) would be be getting in from school herself when I was out.