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Original poster

to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

401 replies

Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:12

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 08:50

I couldn't sit back and let my husband bank roll me.

Good for you.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 08:51

How dare he not tell you how he's spending his money??

Actually, in our household, it's considered our money. But yours might be different.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 09:04

I was a fucking walking cliche, 40's newly single and not a fucking clue. It was a steep and painful learning curve.

Thank you for sharing your story. You are right - I'm taking control of my spending. Also have started to guard money like a hawk. :) I have saved 100% of my internship money, and if I am able to do that, I'd be able to do that too as long as I see the flow of the money.

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Waltermittythesequel · 23/01/2017 09:41

But it's not yours at all. You are literally doing nothing to contribute to the household.

And then you have the audacity to complain that he's spending too much.

Is he usually such a pushover?

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 09:46

But it's not yours at all.

I think it's only him who can decide this if the money is mine too, not you.

You are literally doing nothing to contribute to the household.

I was literally saving my internship money, a part of which we used when we needed money for the household.

Is he usually such a pushover?

Is it being a pushover if he did not mind me spending his money?

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Waltermittythesequel · 23/01/2017 09:48

Yes, I think letting you sponge off him makes him a pushover. Especially since you started this thread mad at him, and are so flippant about how you spend all his money whilst doing fuck all to keep a roof over your head and food on the table!

Waltermittythesequel · 23/01/2017 09:49

And you used 'part' of your money when you needed it??

What percentage was that toward overall costs, do you think?

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 09:56

Waltermittythesequel

I have followed most of the advice posted here. We have already worked out a budget and a system to save which we are following now. We are optimistic that our system will work.

I don't know why my thread still infuriates you so much. But I suspect it might not even be related to me.

Have a nice life.

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Waltermittythesequel · 23/01/2017 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 10:01

Perhaps you're still at uni because you lack basic understanding.

Or perhaps I'm not doing a bachelors degree :)

Infuriates? I couldn't give a shit, love.

Doesn't seem so. :)

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 10:13

you have the audacity to complain that he's spending too much.

Are you sure you read the thread?

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Sundaygal · 23/01/2017 10:20

For what it is worth If you want to know how much you've spent... and all your purchases were on credit card, look at your card statements. Take the total over 12 months and divide by 12 to get an average monthly spend (as returns will be on there too over the long period).

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 10:28

Sundaygal

Thanks for the suggestion. We thought about doing this, and I agree this makes sense, but we've decided to move forward and start on a clean slate. :)

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Eliza9917 · 23/01/2017 10:45

I think I have admitted many times that I am bad with money. I also have a shopping problem. Thats why I asked him to tell me if I am spending more than I should.

If you have a shopping problem, any non essential purchases are spending more than you should.

And if you have racked up all this money on a credit card, where has all the cash in the account gone?

WickedLazy · 23/01/2017 11:11

I got to page 8 then skipped ahead and read this:

"I was a fucking walking cliche, 40's newly single and not a fucking clue. It was a steep and painful learning curve"

"Thank you for sharing your story. You are right - I'm taking control of my spending. Also have started to guard money like a hawk. smile I have saved 100% of my internship money, and if I am able to do that, I'd be able to do that too as long as I see the flow of the money."

You sound like a gold digger, hoarding money and having assets put in your name, against the day you can leave him, he gets bored with you and leaves you for a younger model, he dies, whatever. Is he a good bit older than you, and you're young, smart and pretty? Shopping brings you happiness, but you haven't said your husband does. Or mentioned love, or any concern for him. You're acting like a spoilt little girl having a tantrum that hersugardaddy wouldn't give her a savings account. That sounds harsh, but that's how you're coming across. I'm 25 with a 6 year old, love dp to bits but he doesn't earn much, and neither do I, but we manage, and have our luxuries (I smoke and insist we have decent WIFI and netflix, he drinks and insists we have cable TV with a load of channels). We have no savings, but I do have a decent overdraft limit. We live from month to month.

"Also, I did not realize that savings is a luxury." This is just riddiculous. Are your parents wealthy? Do they save?
I would insist he shows you the accounts regularly, online would be best, then try to work it all out from there. $300 a month budget for you after his next pay day sounds much more reasonable if he can afford it. I wouldn't ask for access to any accounts, that's too much temptation. If he won't even let you look, there could be a chance he's lying about either how much he earns, or much he's spending. He could have a gambling habit, a drug habit, anything. How ironic would that be...

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:10

WickedLazy

Maybe if you did not skip ahead you would have read that he told me to save the money I get from my internship and spend using the card.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:11

WickedLazy

Also, all your assumptions about me and him are untrue.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:13

Shopping brings you happiness, but you haven't said your husband does. Or mentioned love, or any concern for him.

How I feel for my husband is not the focus of the thread. And yes, I'm happy when I shop, if that's a weird concept for you, then maybe you have not visited Mumsnet's very active Style and Beauty thread.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:15

If you have a shopping problem, any non essential purchases are spending more than you should.

Yes.

And if you have racked up all this money on a credit card, where has all the cash in the account gone?

He pays off the cards in full, that's why I also said we have no debts.

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WickedLazy · 23/01/2017 12:18

Shopping (when I have the spare cash) brings me happiness, but my partner brings me more. That seems to be a weird concept for you?

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:22

WickedLazy

No it's not a weird concept. I know people have different situations. Yours is different from mine, but don't assume my husband and I do not love each other just because our situations are different.

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Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:27

If he won't even let you look, there could be a chance he's lying about either how much he earns, or much he's spending. He could have a gambling habit, a drug habit, anything. How ironic would that be...

No to all of these. His only "vice" is studying. Yes, we have agreed on me seeing the flow of money too. I never asked him before.

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WickedLazy · 23/01/2017 12:30

I just hope you can find true happiness, wherever it may lie for you. Shopping doesn't seem to be making you as happy as it once did (buying things things then returning them proof of that).

Eliza9917 · 23/01/2017 12:32

Shopping brings me happiness, we have no kids, I earn good money, but we are now saving for our wedding and if/when a baby comes along, and we are looking into buying land and building our own house rather than paying silly money for what we want - so saving for those things now gives me more happiness than having 'stuff'.

I don't really buy unnecessary things that often anymore, but if i saw something I really wanted, i'd buy it - but not to the detriment of our goals.

Have a look at your priorities and set some goals, in manageable steps to cut down your spending and try to replace the 'rewards' for hitting your goals, with experiences with your other half. ie a nice weekend brunch or to see a film or dinner.

Replace the spending with quality time is basically what i'm suggesting.

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 23/01/2017 12:37

Eliza

We do things together a lot. :)

building our own house rather than paying silly money for what we want - so saving for those things now gives me more happiness than having 'stuff'.

This is my goal now, too. Actually we plan to move to another country again probably in two years where his skills will be honed more, and where I can have good opportunities in my field too. If that does not pan out, the next step is to buy our own place.

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