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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

401 replies

Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:12

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

OP posts:
allchattedout · 19/01/2017 06:34

Are you for real? Stop shopping as a hobby if you want to save. Take some responsibility for yourself.

Insist on having access to the account to view the balance. If he refuses, you have a much deeper problem than excessive shopping.

His 'vices' are a root canal?? No, that's called essential dental treatment. It's not in the same league as someone pissing money up the wall on clothes and shoes.

Do you work?

mya83 · 19/01/2017 06:34

Sounds like you're just trying to pass the blame onto him. You spent the money, even without seeing the balance of the account you still have a rough idea how much you're spending so YABU. You need to take responsibility for your own spending.

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:35

Actually I still don't understand how he wasn't able to carry on with the $1500 a month savings even with my shopping. It would be a maximum of $1000 a month. And we were supposed to have $1000 a month "play money" set aside which should have taken care of that.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/01/2017 06:36

Your an adult so you need to take responsibility for yourself.

Sparklingbrook · 19/01/2017 06:36

If you were to split up how would you manage then?

Part of being an adult is managing finances.

Are you getting help for your shopping addiction? What's with all the buying and returning?

Velvian · 19/01/2017 06:36

This sounds very strange. Take control of your own income & outgoings. Are clothes shopping? Sounds like you may have a problem that you need to take control of.

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:37

Do you work?

Like I mentioned I don't work. I am in uni and I have an internship which gives me a small allowance. I have saved everything so far.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 19/01/2017 06:37

Your arrangement is quite a strange one as it is childlike although if you were an alcoholic nobody would expect you to be in charge of the wine order.

Anyway, it's not working. Tell him to give you money in cash. Then you can't overspend. That's how we are teaching our children to manage money. It's easier when you can see it in your purse.

hesterton · 19/01/2017 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allchattedout · 19/01/2017 06:38

Are you talking about dollars or pounds here because you seem to be mixing them freely in your posts? Would be good if you could clarify.

Fallonjamie · 19/01/2017 06:38

What an awful man earning to support you while you pursue your goals and shop because it 'makes you happy'.

lalalalyra · 19/01/2017 06:39

If you return most of it then where has all the money gone? Either you are spending (and not returning) way more than you realise, or you are spending it on other things.

You need to take a bit of responsibility. He's not your Dad. That said, if this was the agreement you have (and some couples do have arrangements others would consider odd) then he should have mentioned he wasn't going to do it anymore.

TheDowagerCuntess · 19/01/2017 06:39

I can't believe somebody would have such a startling lack of self-awareness, to start a thread asking this question.

00100001 · 19/01/2017 06:40
Confused

Just stop fucking spending money then.... What's so hard about that?

Get a hobby

allchattedout · 19/01/2017 06:41

If you're at uni, you need to stop spending up to £1,000 shopping a month. Why are you saving your grant/loan allowance, but spending obscene amounts each month of your husband's salary?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 19/01/2017 06:42

You need to grow the fuck up and keep a track of your spending and not rely on other people for such a basic life skill.

And you need to find out if your partner is frittering money away as well.

FrancisCrawford · 19/01/2017 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateDaniels2 · 19/01/2017 06:44

You have got to be joking.

As a couple you have $1000 spare every month. You spend that much every month. What does he spend? On himself.

Since you have saved all you internship money, use that to pay the bill YOU have run up.

You actually sound very selfish and not like a partner at all.

GeekyWombat · 19/01/2017 06:44

Maybe he doesn't want to manage you like you're an eight year old child? Just a thought.

OhTheRoses · 19/01/2017 06:47

OP you have the same set up as us. Sort of. DH earns the rump of the money and pays for everything. When I didn't work I bought what we needed as a family, kept a log with receipts and he reimbursed every month. He never questioned what I spent probably because I'm not the last of the big spenders but then I didn't know what he was salting away.

When I went to work what I earned became my personal spending and for children's extras and as they have got bigger things like their phones, etc.

I earn about what your dh earns. Contrary to mnet I don't think that goes far, certainly not enough for adults, one of whom has gratuitous spending habits, to save.

Your partner must love you very much and be almost as stupid with money. Mine would have dealt with thus by about month two. Our system has worked for almost three decades because we trust each other and have proved we can

TheClaws · 19/01/2017 06:47

If you are a real human woman-person and not a ten year old, like you sound, then you'd support your husband at this supposedly precarious time. Offer your savings to tide you both over? He's been supporting you; perhaps you can help him out? That's what couples do, I believe.

Bluntness100 · 19/01/2017 06:47

I don't understand this if it's for real.

I'm assuming you are an adult and a relatively intelligent one at that, you understand how much income is coming in and how much the expenses are, how can you just spend as you please with a total disregard then blame someone else for not controlling you 🙄

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:48

If you're at uni, you need to stop spending up to £1,000 shopping a month.

AUD, not £.

Why are you saving your grant/loan allowance, but spending obscene amounts each month of your husband's salary?

Because when I ask him if he needs money, he tells me no and just to save it.

OP posts:
MistressMaisie · 19/01/2017 06:48

What do you do with all the stuff you buy- if you dump it on charity shops that imv is pretty awful - filling our world with trash that no one actually wants. Even if someone buys it when they have finished it it goes to landfill.
If you had to sell everything on eBay the hassle of that might reduce your buying.

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:50

If you had to sell everything on eBay

Yeah that's what I'm doing now actually. I'm listing them on eBay.

OP posts: