to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

[Kathmandu12]

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

kathmandu12 am glad you and your husband have used the advice that you got off pp's on here and are going to sort out a budget and stick to it religiously. You need to set out a budget that manageable mean it when you say that you will stick to it and stick to it like glue otherwise you will end up on a whole heap of financial trouble and no one wants to see that happen. Good luck with your budgeting but please stop blaming your husband for it it's really not his fault that you can't keep control of your spending and stay off ASOS.

I don't believe this thread is real.

It's your choice.

Stranger things have happened. Donald Trump is President. Intelligent people can be stupid with money and some can even be buried in debt.

OP is a teenage mail-bride from a rural region in a post soviet state like Kazahstan, where trade still mostly goes on in kind rather than currency; and she has a place doing Media Studies or the like at a private, non-accredited HE institution in Oz.

You are being very judgmental. And snobbish.

OP, how old are you and how old is your husband? Where are you both immigrants from?

It's immaterial. I have posted my situation, you don't believe it, there's no need to answer this question since the situation can happen to someone irresponsible (admittedly) of any age and background.

Good luck with your budgeting but please stop blaming your husband for it it's really not his fault that you can't keep control of your spending and stay off ASOS.

Yes I agree. I realized I was being unfair, thanks to the help of Mumsnet.

And yes, I will try my best to stick to the budget we alloted to ourselves.

OP I was taken with something a previous poster said - that it sounds like your DH isn't great with money either. I think this is quite insightful in the midst of the pile-on that this thread has become.

He was apparently happy to see you spending far more than you had jointly agreed on (are you sure it is all down to your shopping habits?) because it made you happy - despite having agreed before that he would look after the money side of things and that he would tell you if you spent more than you had agreed on. And he was comfortable with your finances in a state that meant you didn't really have a cushion for emergencies, or if not comfortable, he wasn't prepared to suggest you be more reasonable in your spending.

I don't mean for this to be some way to let you off the hook for being responsible for your financial situation, I just mean to point out that you seem to be thinking you're the "bad" one with money in this relationship, and probably think that it's just you that has to change and that he can help you in doing this. But it might be more appropriate to think of this as you both being "bad" with money, and you both needing to change your habits and attitude to finance. That you can and may need to be the leader in this - in fact, you probably are the leader, given he has been so lax despite saying he would take control previously and it is you that has pushed for change. In the months to come you should might see him being the one pushing back against being financially prudent, and if you are still thinking of yourself as the "bad with money" person and him as the "good with money" person it will tempting to simply accept this, when you should look more closely at what the financial situation really is and not just accepting his analysis.

I think you are NOT being unreasonable. He's clearly awful. You should leave him tomorrow. Pack uour many bags and rent a flat, pay your own bills and save money - as savings are clearly a priority for you - but not for your husband.

Sorry, couldn'thelo myself... glad to see you've worked out a plan. Agree with the poster who pointed out that being careful on the small things, such as wilting veg, won't make a dent in your finances if you don't block yourself from buying more clothes. There's a thread on style & beauty for people determined not to buy anything new in 2017.
It's a way to swap one habit for another - get a kick out of decluttering wardrobe, selling off excess and re-using everything you have.
Typically a compulsive shopper is invited to an event, opens the wardrobe and feels she has nothing to wear. It must be new or she won't feel good. It's those type of feelings you need to work on perhaps.

Actually I have been thinking and I think part of the reason I buy clothes so much is because my weight has been wildly fluctuating and it's my way of feeling better about myself. I have resolved to not anymore buy any clothes this year, and shop my wardrobe. I have also returned clothes within the return period and I am ebaying the others. If they don't get sold, that's fine, at least I will not buy any more clothes this year at least.

BoomBoom

I think he doesn't handle money well too, yes. We both do not. I hope our new strategy where I have visibility on the savings, I will not charge anything to the credit card and use debit card + cash, etc will work for us.

For goodness sake grow up and take responsibility for your spending habits.

mommagee this isn't about gender roles. I don't care whether the lead earner is male or female..

OP leeched / eroded / wasted the household income with crap such as 'Asos play money' and is surprised not to have magically saved $900 per month and wanted to direct anger at the provider.

OP has stated she understands this was BU, is going to try new spending strategies, and much luck to her.

I can't understand other than spoiling for a spat why you are at pains to make this about gender roles and earning power. As it goes I'm the lead earner at moment, by double l. All money IS joint / household money. So - if DH needs or wants something he gets it, but if he took himself on an Asos binge wouldn't get to stamp his foot with me if all the money was gone. Now - I go on maternity soon - DH will become lead earner. I will have free access to joint money and will be mindful of our shared bills and saving goals and not be a princess about 'play money' if I mess up.

So. Now I've cleared up for you that I more than understand joint income and this isn't about me being annoyed a 'woman' has spent a 'mans' money - as you would like for it to be, I'll leave there.

That's alot of money to get through - are you buying food daily, which is often more expensive, than doing a single shop for the week. Then there is heating bills, thermostats can be altered. If you get a 'cautious' mindset about other spending it might overflow into clothing too.

I really hope you're not studying Accountancy. {grin]

You sound like you are 12. Time to grow up, don't you think?

Backt0Black
mommagee this isn't about gender roles. I don't care whether the lead earner is male or female..

I havnt said it was about her gender. I said people are often quick enough to point out in a marriage all money should be joint .money (says me with my separate bank account...) and that whilst OP may be lots of thongs, I fail to see how she's being a leech on her husband.

Hopefully O and DH will pull their finances and OP can stop shopping needlessly

I don't understand why people don't believe this thread.

They have a high household income which the DH manages.
The op thought they were saving 2k a month so felt free, with her dh's encouragement, to spend freely.
On realising that they weren't actually saving 2k she was pissed off as she wouldn't have been so carefree with her money if she had realised.
Now she knows her DH isn't as sensible with money as she thought, she's realised she needs to get more involved and together they have come up with a plan to save money.

The op hasn't been childish, she's just spent what she thought she could. Now she's realised her error and is going to put it right. If anything I blame DH for letting her be ignorant about their lack of saving.

Good luck op. Make this a year of serious saving. Short term pain for long term gain.

Told my husband not to treat me like a princess because I am not. And that I should be made aware of our real financial situation, as I tend to go overboard.

I really hope you're not studying Accountancy.

No, don't worry, my field does not deal with money.

Good luck op. Make this a year of serious saving. Short term pain for long term gain.

Thank you. I need the good luck wish. I intend to purchase nothing I do not need (and I will not invent a need for things, which I tend to do) this year, hopefully I will even get to save my allowance money.

YABU

As an adult you should regulate your own spending, and if you do want to go out shopping maybe you should get a little part time job to supplement your internship wage.

I'll confess. I used to be like you. DH had fab job, I didn't work, plenty of money. I had horses, loads of pets, spent what I like.

Then we got divorced. My life changed dramatically. And god did I wish I'd learnt how to budget, how to manage a bank account, how to pay fucking bills. I was a fucking walking cliche, 40's newly single and not a fucking clue. It was a steep and painful learning curve.

Seriously, you're an adult now. Please, please don't carry on like this, you are so VULNERABLE.

If you get divorced can I have your DH? I could do with not working and having money shovelled my way to spend willy nilly

I told him sorry for spending so much, he said he was used to pampering people (before me, it was his mom). Anyway our new plan aims to save money, with both of us having visibility on the funds.

Also, the savings will mostly come from me not shopping - I still gave myself a little budget but when I've used that, that's it.

We will not scrimp on food, and will continue to eat healthily - we eat a lot of salmon, other seafood, veggies, etc (we follow a Paleo-ish way of eating). We will not scrimp on health. It's my unnecessary spending that will go.

Don't you have any pride??

I couldn't sit back and let my husband bank roll me.

You do know women are actually allowed to work now?

And before anyone starts in on me, that's not a dig at SAHP.

It's all well and good going to uni, but you should be funding it yourself.

Glad you have a budget but you need to adjust your attitude alongside your spending.

How dare he not tell you how he's spending his money??

It's all well and good going to uni, but you should be funding it yourself.

I have an internship with full-time uni.