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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

401 replies

Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 06:12

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

OP posts:
MegaClutterSlut · 19/01/2017 21:23

Wow I need to find a mug DH like yours. Your DH is not to blame here, you are. Be pissed off at yourself for spending that amount of money. He doesn't help things either by letting you spend money like that

If u have an addiction you need to take responsibility for it. Set a small budget each month for you to waste spend and stick to it. The amount your spending on shit each month is shocking.

Im finding it hard to believe this thread is real

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 21:41

No, i want you to say what you are expecting from this thread. All i see from you is being a wide arse on here. Replying to all the non-relevant posts.

Maybe you missed my post yesterday about what we have decided to do, which was inspired by all the helpful comments here.

OP posts:
MommaGee · 19/01/2017 21:43

*Backt0Black

In fact OP I'll add to that. Grow up and stop being a leeching little princess*

Whilst I'll agree her DH has indulged her as his princess --totally not jealous how is she leeching off him? He said to her - bank your earnings. She's banked them. He said spend on the card, I'll pay it and I'll tell you if it gets too much - she did, he didnt.

She is in Uni and doing an internship, not sitting on her are ordering Prada shoes over her champagne breakfast.

Posters said talk to him, she did. posters said set a budget - she has. Essentially the issue is resolves but people keep coming on, read the opening post and have a go.

She's had a rude awakening to their financial situation and she's using her money for something they agreed needing paying (can't remember, cbb to relook) so she's contributing to the house.MN is usually alive and kicking to tell women its joint money if DP earns it and they're married

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 21:44

Op step up and be an adult you need to work out a budget for yourself every month and stick to it religiously.

Yes, we decided on a budget yesterday and some of the measures we will adopt were actually suggestions from this thread. So thank you, MN!

OP posts:
MommaGee · 19/01/2017 21:46

kathmandu would just add try to draw money out rather than using the card, it'll make what your spending more real

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 21:47

she's using her money for something they agreed needing paying (can't remember, cbb to relook)

It's deposit and rent for a new place because we have to move. Also a new bed.

Also, I told him I'd pay my tuition fee next semester from my internship savings. So that we can already start with the budget/savings plan we agreed on last night.

OP posts:
secondhoneymoon · 19/01/2017 21:50

Is this thread for real???

GashleyCrumbTiny · 19/01/2017 21:51

I think this thread is getting derailed because the OP is saying "thanks for your suggestions, yes we'll do that" and AIBU is unfamiliar with dealing with this response.

GetOrfMyBin · 19/01/2017 21:56

Disclaimer: I've not read the whole thread. Caught a bit near the last page about making a budget.

How old are you OP? I hope to God my DC have more self awareness about money and the real world when they're older. You started your thread by bitching about you DH telling you if you've spent too much - take some responsibility, it isn't hard.

You don't really earn anything, so use your DH money to spend (with his agreement) - fine. Blaming others for your lack of control - not fine. Why do you need to spend so much? Wtf do you even buy? Saying you return stuff doesn't really make it ok. I think you have a bit of a problem.

It's good to see mention of a budget but saying you'll budget and actually doing it are two different things entirely. You need to step up and take responsibility for your spending, you don't really have an excuse not to. I think I saw that you guys rent - surely you would have been better not spending as much on crap stuff and then trying to save for your own house?

FoxyRoxy · 19/01/2017 21:57

Op, are you saying you didn't know you had to move house until you had a go at your partner for there being no savings? Because even in you op you were unaware of this circumstance... so if he's already spent money he's already put down a deposit on a new rental and you didn't know? please can you clarify as if he's chosen a new home for you already when you didn't even know you had to move I find that quite odd.

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:07

would just add try to draw money out rather than using the card, it'll make what your spending more real

Yes, we will follow this too. He will deposit a certain amount in a debit card which I will use for groceries, etc. And a bit of cash for farmer's market purchases.

I also realized we might be wasting money on food like veggies that go wilted, canned good that expire, etc. So I will also keep an eye on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:09

are you saying you didn't know you had to move house until you had a go at your partner for there being no savings?

No, we just found out yesterday that the owner needs this place so he gave us three months to move, which is standard by rental agreement. So basically it's the other way around. I just found out we have no savings aside from the internship money because we need a deposit for the new place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:10

I think I saw that you guys rent - surely you would have been better not spending as much on crap stuff and then trying to save for your own house?

Yes.

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 19/01/2017 22:10

"Kathmandu12

So what's the problem?

The problem is I told him to tell me if my spending is overboard because we have decided he will set aside money immediately. I know I am wrong for spending so much, but I return most anyway. I guess I miscalculated."

This is bizarre. You return most what anyway? Hmm

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:13

You return most what anyway?

For example, I order a lot from ASOS but I returned most of them. I only keep the things I really, really like. Which was why I said I could not figure out how I supposedly spent so much every month. But maybe I am in denial. Anyway, moving forward, we will follow the budget plan we decided on yesterday, which includes the suggestions from this thread.

OP posts:
whyohwhy000 · 19/01/2017 22:16

Surely if people weren't repeating stuff it would be solved in 3 fucking posts!

That's not how MN works.

OP Why do you need "play money"? Are you eight years old?

CaraAspen · 19/01/2017 22:18

Is play money like toy money?

Backt0Black · 19/01/2017 22:21

MommaGee

My point isnt around that OP has saved HER money at all. It is that OP has taken zero responsibility for her spending and is now targeting anger at DH who has indulged her. The question was is she BU to be annoyed at DH. Yes - I think OP's mindset is immature and she is massively BU to somehow apportion blame to DH. You KNOW when you are spending,

MommaGee · 19/01/2017 22:27

backtoblack so that makes her immature, irresponsible. Not a leech. She's not spending her Granny's retirement money.

*GashleyCrumbTiny

I think this thread is getting derailed because the OP is saying "thanks for your suggestions, yes we'll do that" and AIBU is unfamiliar with dealing with this response.*
This

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:28

OP Why do you need "play money"? Are you eight years old?

Would you rather I use the term clothes/shoes/recreation/etc money? Because that's what I meant by play money. My fault - I assumed it was easy to understand.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/01/2017 22:41

While it's good that you are going to make sure that you don't waste money on unused vegetables which wilt ($3), unless you stop buying yet another leather jacket ($700), your budget is doomed

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:47

While it's good that you are going to make sure that you don't waste money on unused vegetables which wilt ($3), unless you stop buying yet another leather jacket ($700), your budget is doomed

We have agreed on a budget which I will follow.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/01/2017 22:55

Kathmandu there is a proverb "look after the pennies, and the pounds will look after themselves"

I'm just worried that you're focusing on the pennies (your wilted veges) when you has a history of ordering clothes you don't need and having no idea how much money you have spent.
But I admire your confidence in your ability to suddenly stick to a budget

Original poster
Kathmandu12 · 19/01/2017 22:57

But I admire your confidence in your ability to suddenly stick to a budget

I don't really know how else I can do it if I don't believe fully in myself to be honest.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/01/2017 23:01

Good for you.
Best of luck

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