How the heck do working mums manage this?!

[LosAngeles444]

Returned to work after maternity leave, DS 6 months old. DH works longer hours so I'm responsible for the nursery drop off and pick up. Morning, I drive DS to nursery, drive back home to park the car, walk 10 mins to train station to get into work. Have to leave work at 4pm to pick up DS from nursery.

Only just started this new routine and already knackered! How the heck do mums manage this? Aibu for thinking this is unsustainable and you just burn out at some point? I've only got one DS so know I can't really complain but it's already damn tough. How do you do it?

I've not read every reply but in answer to your question , I've no idea , you just do what you have to do to get through !

I had 2 babies in nursery and a school run a few years back , my house was permanently a work in progress , I gave up ironing altogether , and went to bed when the kids did , routine was non exsistant as babies tend to want to do their own thing

5 years later ,I've got 2 in primary school and 1 grown up in ft work , I'm up at 6 to walk the dog before dh goes to work ,back at 6.30am do a bit of a whip round before kids get up (empty dishwasher , stick a load in the washer ,chuck a bit of bleach at the bathroom nothing too strenuous) ,kids need to be dressed by 7.30 , leave them to it whilst they eat breakfast and I get myself ready , in car by 8.30am ,school drop then on my way to the office .

Dh usually does pick up as he finishes before me ( he had to talk to his boss to make this happen as I was burning out ) he starts tea and once I get in we eat , I clean up and he puts kids to bed , dog gets another walk at some point but whoever can be arsed at the time !

Evening is then our own ready to start the well versed routine the next day ..

In short , it gets better ,easier and so routine you don't even notice its happening

And occasionally I even stay up after 10pm .

haha, you'll get used to it.

I get up at 5, leave before 6 - get to work early. Husband gets baby up at 7, drops her to nursery at 8.30. I leave work just before 5, pick baby up at 5.30, then look after her until bedtime at 7.30. On weeknights, I usually log back on and do another 1-3 hours work, depending on what's on.

I'm knackered, but it's ok - we have a plan and this isn't forever. Maybe a few more years, but it's all good. I love being a mum and I love my job. I also have a really supportive, gorgeous husband who's a brilliant Dad.

I feel lucky.

And tired.

Yes m00N, we have houses full of stuff and no quality time with our children. Materially rich, time poor.

It's exhausting but somehow you have to plan ahead and rest when you can.

I get up early and go to work so I can pick up, DH does drop off and gets home later. Clothes and bags are packed the night before. Even my breakfast is grabbed on my way out at eaten when I get to work.

I have a cleaner once a fortnight. I do online food shopping to come in on a Friday night so I can switch off at the weekends. I go to bed very early to catch up on sleep (sometimes 8pm). I occasionally work from home which really helps as I spend my "lunch break" tidying the house and putting a load of washing on.

It has gotten easier as DD has gotten older (almost 3) but I know when she starts school that'll all be thrown out again. At least at the moment she gets all meals at nursery!

Sorry, not rtft yet, but I think 'can you not walk to nursery?' is about the least helpful thing I've read on MN.

OP, it does become easier as you get into the routine

You'very had a tonne of great advice on here. Nothing much new to add, but I just wanted to say enjoy your wee one and just let stuff at home slip a little. (Fold instead of iron, easy meals, clean less). It does get easier with time and is much easier when winter lifts and the days get longer.

Honestly? I'm sodding knackered the whole time. But I'm used to being this tired now and know that one day I can sleep for as long as I want to!!!

I have been doing it (working full time with children - we have 5 and we both alwaysworked full time ) for 33 years now and the youngest leave school later this year,

For me not being in a sexist marriage and earning a lot more than my husband made it work pretty well.

We all tend to reap what we sow in life

Also I['ve never ironed a thing in 30 years - just work out what matters to you eg we didn't usually eat an evening meal together (children were fed before 6pm when we got home) which saves a load of hassle - just get your own food when you feel like it. That would not be acceptable to some marired couples but often one or other of us would have a work thing in the evening or just be tired or not hungry,

I know a million people have posted their knackering routines but I just need to add mine.
Up 6.15, get kids up, 40 min round drive to drop kids at childcare (only place locally who could take two pre school FT) park and walk 15 mins to train station as car park then full.
100 miles on train, in office 9.30. Run around all day, leave office at 5, get home 6.45. (XDP gets kids).
1.5 hours bath and bedtime routine (if lucky), tidy up/eat, then usually 1/2 hours work.
I am organised, hard working. And my kids are amazing so I don't mind.

I didn't go back to work after my maternity leave ended. It just wasn't worth it, taking into account how much I earn and how much nurseries cost in our area, working full time leaving house at 6am and returning at 5pm, just wasn't an option.
So, we are now a lot more careful considering that we have to pay for everything from just 1 salary. We lost all the luxuries that we could comfortably afford before we had our ds, but I'd rather spend time with him than go to a luxury holiday, as a result of working crazy hours and never seeing him. I just accepted that for a few years it's the way it's going to be....

It is knackering at first, not justfrom te new routine but from getting used to work again and juggling home/work in your head. I was exhausted for a good few weeks but it does get easier, I promise!

If I can get up between 5.15 and 5.45 every morning for a 75-minute commute to work (usually arriving at work between 8.00 and 8.30 depending on how well the trains behave) and then arrive home between 7.00 and 7.30 most nights...and I'm "only" a teacher so hardly in a very high-flying job...then I'm sure you can manage.

I also don't sleep very well at night. I've been awake since 3.00 this morning (for no reason I might add).

I don't even have kids yet. I REALLY have no idea how working mums cope when they have the sort of schedule I have. I'm already exhausted. By the time I get home I can just about manage dinner, half an hour of TV, then bed. And that's with my husband basically being a domestic god.

Work part time have weekends and Tuesday off three kids three dogs a partner... half the time I think what is the point for all this and I am on min wage!!!!

Are there any nurseries near where you work?

I do all nursery drop offs and pick ups. I take a minicab to nursery (which is in right direction to commute) and then carry on commute by tube.

And the same in reverse.

Ordering a cab the night before means that I faff less in the morning because i HAVE to be out by a certain time. Also, it feels less exhausting to jump in a car that's come to pick me up than to face the cold walk to the tube.

Oh and currently done all mother duties, been to work, have this flu going around! Periods kicking in! Had not heating or hot water since Friday! Our council are shit!!! I just did one of my daughters clothes... putting them away silent crying to myself as the girls was trying to sleep on bed behind me!!!! You don't cope you just deal with it.....some impossible way

Yep it's Knackering. 2 kids to 2 different locations here and work ft. You need some flex - there will be days when train doesn't work etc- can you do a much longer day a week and on that day your husband picks up then next day a short day you work fm home?

I went back a month ago (12 month old) and deliberately chose a nursery that does all the meals which means I just have to BF and get DD washed and dressed in the morning. I put out her and mine clothes the night before and pack my lunch and breakfast then too.

So, I shoot in the shower at 6.30, then feed her at 7, nappy change, wash, teeth brushed, clothes. Load everything into car. Drop off at nursery around 7.40am. Zoom to work in car to arrive by 8.20 to eat breakfast there. Leave on dot of 5pm, pick her up at 6pm, cuddle, milk, nappy change, teeth, PJs, book, bed complete by 7pm, cook meal and we eat at 8pm. Always make sure am in bed by 10pm. I sometimes do laundry in the evening to keep weekend clear. DH does all cleaning as I do all cooking.

Key is being organised and making sure tasks are split fairly between you.

Easier than being at home all day (having done the nursery run 4 times, alternating between the 3 yr old who does the odd full day and the 2 yr old who only does mornings) and THEN going out to work at 5 pm and not returning home til past 9pm.

Seriously. I would go to 'real' work for a rest! The thought of dropping them both off and having 'adult' work time..wow!

But I choose to do it and secretly love it !

Top tip: dress your little one in joggers and a comfy top to sleep in at night, rather than a babygro, then in the morning just change his nappy, give milk and go. My 3 y o still wears (clean) nursery clothes to bed the night before. My nursery always brushes his teeth after his breakfast (we pay for an extra 15 mins breakfast club as I start work at 7.45). We leave the house at 7am. I get up at 6 and he gets up at 6.30. Back home at 6pm. Luckily he loves nursery and I like work :)

it's a big old juggle and add in sickness for you or little ones and it gets more complicated.

I found 8-6 nursery care worked better than when my eldest started school - since then my career had to take a break and has never recovered in honesty. Now I have 3 girls 17, 12 and 7.. I work and hubby is a SAHD / part time student - and we're on the verge of separation.. i'm looking at the prospect of having to give up work again.

do we cope? I'm not 100% sure.

It's tough. I went back to work when my child was 9 months old. My partner had left 3 weeks before. I do everything - house/garden/ etc. I have no family, parents are dead. Work full time. Have no friends who have my child for an hour or so at the weekend to give me some time. Be organised. Go to bed early. Cook in bulk. Cut corners where you can. It does get easier as they get older - now 3. No one is perfect. My social life is pretty non existent but I love being a mum and spending my time with my child so I focus on that. If you have supportive partner/family friends now is the time to ask for their assistance. Just take one day at a time. There's always a lot of pressure when you return to work it's very stressful but you will get there. Small steps. Does it matter if the pesto is bought and not home made? I'm sure some would say yes but it's a question of staying sane, having energy for your child, partner and job. Hang on in there.

I'm a teacher so I don't go to work for a rest... but it's a different kind of day to being at home with my own children. I'm envious of my office based friends with their lunch hours (always work through my lunch) but the holidays make it worth it!

You learn to get used to it, by the time I get to the office at 9, I feel like I've run a marathon
I have a shorter lunch break and leave half an hour early then run like a lunatic back to pick DS up before nursery closes.

Echo PP, preparation is the key. All clothes out and backs packed the night before. Lunches made, you literally need to get up and ready, grab your stuff, grab the baby and get out the door!

Slow cooker for evening meals is always handy.

It'll become second nature soon, promise!

Gin, mainly (& very low housekeeping standards)! ;)