How the heck do working mums manage this?!

[LosAngeles444]

Returned to work after maternity leave, DS 6 months old. DH works longer hours so I'm responsible for the nursery drop off and pick up. Morning, I drive DS to nursery, drive back home to park the car, walk 10 mins to train station to get into work. Have to leave work at 4pm to pick up DS from nursery.

Only just started this new routine and already knackered! How the heck do mums manage this? Aibu for thinking this is unsustainable and you just burn out at some point? I've only got one DS so know I can't really complain but it's already damn tough. How do you do it?

Wine and early nights. It's all training for when the homework/after school activities/clubs and taxiing to friends starts. Being v prepared re clothing cooking and cleaning goes towards it, but yes, it's knackering.

Someone above says it gets easier, it doesn't you just drop your standards adapt.

Primary school much harder when you have shorter school hours, homework, swimming lessons, after school activity, going to friends to play and an exhausted child.

I have 4yo and 18mo. I work full time. Fortunately my husband starts work a little later than me and closer, so he does the drop offs. I do the collections. Nursery kick out 6pm and I get there at 10/5 to every night. Frazzled. Then I go home, put them to bed and turn on my laptop. And work.
I'm exhausted.
I envy mothers who can afford to work part time. But I couldn't be a stay at home Mum. It'd drive me nuts.
I just need to find the balance 🤔

I remember the first few years when the children were very young as the hardest to return to juggling work. My heart was elsewhere. Ended up having a break from work while breast feeding as too hard to express milk at work. DH shared most housework tasks as much as possible, depending on what we were best at doing, and we just struggled along. Sorry you feel exhausted, it is crap really. Here's some
The saying 'Takes a village to raise a child' is so true, else we 'go under'

Taking my hat off to anyone who combines work and children!

I have a full time job, one husband, one cat (complete diva, but we love her) and no kids - and I'm totally frazzled by the end of the week!

Between 7 and 8.30 each morning I nag two kids to get dressed eat breakfast and clean teeth. I have a shower wash hair alternate days and get dressed. I eat breakfast I clear it all up. I make packed lunches I tidy the house I also iron the school clothes. I also referee arguments sometimes one of the kids might also have a bath and I do daughters hair. By the time I leave the house I feel like I've done a days work. Then I have to go to work!!

8, 12,14 - single mum - full time since youngest was 4 month old

you just get on with it - some days it's absolutely exhausting - like today - not home till 6 - fed kids, cleaned floors and hoovered, washed dishes, ran bath - youngest is currently still having the mother of all melt downs - I have to get up for work in 10 hours

other days are better!

Try having three kids in different childcare locations, and working longer hours too. And one of the children does not sleep.

Cheers whattheactualflump !
Gin, mainly (& very low housekeeping standards)! ;)

gottalove So am I by 'trade' but I'm now tutoring in the evenings.

I went back after one child, and it was hard work but financially just didn't make sense after the second arrived. You definitely don't have a rest at work! Respect.

Organisation. FWIW I found pt working more stressful. The expectation to manage both areas of life in a condensed period of time, plus ensuring that lo still had access to 'fun mum' time, made the juggle hard.

I found that having clothes, bags ready the night before essential. I tidied the kitchen before bed, ideally with an empty dishwasher for the morning. I put on a wash every evening and / or early AM (on timers) to keep on top of washing. Shopping was internet delivery. Run the Hoover round whilst bath running and quick clean bathroom after bath. Short proper clean up on sat am.

I found I caught up on sleep on the commute and life admin at lunch.

Completely agree with above post about school age children. I now don't work. I find the stuff I need to do for that more of a hassle than I ever expected.

Ah I totally empathise. I am not sure it gets easier, it just changes and you just learn to cope. Trick is to get organised the night before and also not to think too long term. I always look forward to the weekend, the next break, the next holiday...never think "I will be doing this for the next 10 years".

ghostyslovesheets hope your youngest can chill with you and have a cuddle and cry off the crappy day.
We all have crap days, young and old :(
Fuck the housework, everyone, put down your hoovers and dishes..
At the end of a long day, it is our kids we do all this for. It really is so important to just sit with and talk with each of our precious kids at the end of the long day. Bring on the hot cuppa and biscuits/treats

Angelil - having a baby that didn't sleep, hugely improved my insomnia. Before I found I would struggle to go back off after waking. He sleep trained me to nod off in seconds. I still wake frequently but am able to go back to sleep far better than before.

Will your employer let you take only 1/2 hour for lunch and arrive 15 mins later and leave 15 mins earlier? Some employers will. Make sure your DP makes packed lunches and helps with cooking in evenings etc. Go to bed early and accept any help from grandparents you are offered. If your baby is still young and not sleeping well you are bound to be tired. Try to be kind to yourself and remind yourself you are doing a brilliant job.

Found it ok, but that's because I planned it well. And, I Only worked 3 days: 15 minute commute driving, 2 junctions on the motorway, before rush hour. So quite easy.
Moved ds1 to the nursery nextdoor to my work. Then ds2 there too. That made a huge difference.

You need to be very organised re getting food, clothes etc ready the night before.

How ft mums with 3 kids and a long commute, do it, I'll never know.

This thread is so utterly depressing... we are all running around like lunatics just to keep afloat. Something very wrong about this...😔

thanks midsummer she's asleep now!

That does sound very stressful. I'm afraid I had it easy - I did not work until mine went to school and it felt like 6 years of holiday. I now work 3 days a week and drop off at school and fine the mornings and evenings with homework/dinner etc very stressful. However, I am home quite early and do not know how others manage. I hope you get used to it. Could one of you go part-time/compressed week or work at home some of the time?

When the kids were babies, I did all bottles the night before, spare clothes packed in bags, clothes for the day laid out etc. Frankly it was easier when they were tiny as they had less shit to remember.

Now they're in kindergarten and the other in pre-school so now I rely on strict morning routine of awake, pee, teeth, get dressed, breakfast and in the evenings I repack lunchbox for the pre-schooler and make sure DS1's bag is packed with reading books, his hat etc.

Alongside this, we also have a housekeeper that collects the kids from school, feeds them dinner and looks after the house and is generally a bloody lifesaver. She became a necessity as DH and I often had to rock/paper/scissor who would have to pick the kids up and who would work late. Obviously we know that we're very lucky to have her, and before she worked for our family, we relied heavily on military organisation, low standards of cleanliness with a healthy dose of resentment thrown in for good measure.

It's a juggle. You're still learning how to juggle, don't worry it will come to you!

I pay for a nanny. The kids are up, breakfasted and dressed with hair done before she arrives and I always make sure the house is tidy (e.g breakfast things put away, dishwasher unpacked). She comes at 8.15 amand leaves at 5.15pm, sometimes having done a meal. She does the weekly ironing and all the laundry. She takes the kids to school and kindergarten and music and all that stuff.

Expensive but SO worth it. I've said to my husband many times that our marriage may not have survived had it not been for our nanny. She is our lifesaver and our friend and our children adore her.

Have we overwhelmed the op?

I agree with AntiGrinch.

Apart from that, cut every corner you can without shame. E.g.,

• haven't chopped an onion since DS1 was born (buy frozen, ready chopped)
• barely iron anything
• eat with the kids so only 1 meal to bother with
• only wash clothes if they actually look dirty
• use convenience food where you need to.

Still exhausted though!

Im just back to work after having my third. I find it easy because im used to it. My first was the hardest because its a huge life adjustment becoming a parent. It will get easier.

Some helpful posts on here. Some competitive 'I get up at 4.30am and have 5 kids and work all day and then some so why can't you?' Which I don't think is helpful.
We are all different. I'm exhausted just reading about some of your days. I just couldn't do it or live like that. I tried it and burnt out and made myself very ill.
Helpful tips are: to try and share as much with DP (I didn't/couldn't) it's unfair on one person to do all the running around and drop offs/pick ups . Outsource as much as possible. Lower standards...

But, I retrained in the end as to me my health was the most important thing. So you may get used to it and cope fine but it's also ok to have a rethink in time.

Also, it doesn't get easier when they go to school, it gets much harder and they need you a lot more.

Very, very tiring. I didn't realise until 4 and a half years in just how tiring it had been. Now I look back and wonder how reasonable it was. But I didn't consider doing anything different at the time . And maybe that is because there are no viable alternatives.