How the heck do working mums manage this?!

[LosAngeles444]

Returned to work after maternity leave, DS 6 months old. DH works longer hours so I'm responsible for the nursery drop off and pick up. Morning, I drive DS to nursery, drive back home to park the car, walk 10 mins to train station to get into work. Have to leave work at 4pm to pick up DS from nursery.

Only just started this new routine and already knackered! How the heck do mums manage this? Aibu for thinking this is unsustainable and you just burn out at some point? I've only got one DS so know I can't really complain but it's already damn tough. How do you do it?

Girlsofsummer this is so brilliant I might have to print it out and pin it on my fridge.

I work from home in a flexible job, but have two tiny children (my youngest is 6 months and since I'm freelance I've been working since she was born). I find it incredibly hard to juggle everything and constantly feel guilt, but your advice is excellent. Thank you

Screamer1 it's a pleasure, glad you found it helpful.

I would add to that: "look after yourself". That was one item I missed for many years particularly when it came to sleep. It's very important.

Flexible-ish work, DP pulls weight outside of working hours and has negotiated a work at home day or if has to go in that day goes in late leaves early. Puts in the hours so work okay with that.
We go to bed at 10, up a 6am, sort out clothes/uniforms/workbags/showers/schoolbags night before.
Cleaner once a week to run a hoover around/mop floors.
Use breakfast clubs and after school clubs some days.
IGNORE any comments from younger and/or childless colleagues or male colleagues who's wives do the majority of the running around about you being 'part-time' arriving 'late' 'leaving early', not being available that day for their important meeting so it has to be re-scheduled - If you pay attention to it it'll drive you mad. Different people have different priorities and I'm pretty sure that no-one lay on their death bed wishing that they'd worked more...or got Dave that spreadsheet in time...
Keep it in perspective! Nothings forever, just wait till you start throwing kids playdates into the mix...
Wouldn't be without it BTW, work's work but raising your kids that's the really important thing

Simple. DH also works FT and does breakfast, getting ready, CM drop offs, CM pick ups, tea, bathtime, bedtime and household cleaning every day.

I also adopted the 'suck it up approach'. I worked FT because I knew we wanted another child, and in the medium term, maternity pay at my company's ft rate, made for a better future. I have not gone back after no. 2 because of my company's complete inflexibility, but financially we are okay because I did do the full time thing. You do get used to it, but I would look carefully at what you want to be doing in the future and see if FT is worthwhile long term. If not, then start keeping your eyes open for opportunities or look at how you can make things more flexible. Check out Mother Pukkas flexible working campaign Flex Appeal for help.

I found working PT much harder than FT however I did t enjoy being at home everyday. BEFORE anyone suggests I am a horrible mother for admitting it, there is good reason and my child has thrived and benefitted from me being at work.

PT made me feel I had to be everything all the time. I couldn't switch off from "mummy" at work and at home I worried about what I hadn't managed to finish or needed to do.

I think all parent; lone/with partners/working/not working have it hard. It's just a personal balance

Silly question I expect, but do you have to work? 6 months is very young to leave all day at nursery and work full time. Having said that, I work as a teacher because I have to, with 3 children. Even during my maternity leave I baked cakes for a local cafe, made wedding cakes and helped at my children's school twice a week whilst baby was a new born up to 1 year. Somehow you get through it or make a change of plan with your career.

I found your post interesting girlsofsummer but children as a badge of honour?

That's the biggest issue I have and the thing that tears me up - I work in a senior role and so many of the things that you do. Blurred lines between work and home, changed mindset etc.

However I still feel like while I can be there for "big ticket" things like school plays etc I'm not around as much for the smaller stuff. Eg walking the kids home from school, attending play dates and getting to hear general chatter about their days. Being a working mother means you're a bit detached from your children's days.

There isn't a happy medium. You can't have it all or at least I can't. I can't have a high flying career in my field of work without making sacrifices. At the moment the sacrifice is less "normal" "day to day" time with my dcs. I don't want to have just quality time (eg at the weekends) or frantic super organised military style mornings and bedtimes. I just want to "be" with them sometimes.

It's a conundrum that I've never seen anyone properly solve.



It's a little something like this.... 😜

I had a very similar routine with DS as DH worked shifts. Drop off at 7.30 (7 min drive away) drive back to park at train station. Finished work at 5 and HAD to be in 5.12 train to make it back to train station at 5.30 to then drive to nursery to be there at 5.45. If I missed train and was on later train 15 mins later I would make it to nursery by the skin of my nose as it closed at 6! It's hard and colleagues without kids wouldn't really get it which was annoying as they'd be tutting if I was on later train in morning which got me in for bang on 9 rather than the early train at 8.45. It was the difference sometimes of a traffic light or longer handover at the nursery than anticipated, but my colleagues didn't get that!
Being as organised as possible and for me knowing that I was part time and it was only for 3 days a week. You do get used to it and get into a routine though. Having said that I'm dreading getting into a new routine with DS at school and DD starting nursery later in the year....

Do it because I want to,ideologically I think work is good for me,good for dc
I am v organised.lay my and dc clothes out a week in advance.dp drops off.i collect
I'm used to this.we use summer club,holiday club,after school
Despite all the handwringing you read on mn,my dc are happy,well adjusted
We don't attend sports afternoon etc.but can do evening events
I know school mums who've now not worked 10yrs,and struggling to get to work. Some of them Have now worked longer than they actually worked eg worked 8yrs after uni no kids,had dc not worked 10yr

My kids ask me about my work, I happily discuss.its interesting,I have good stories
They see me work,they see me contribute.They know the significance of work

I dont sweat what I can't do,I value what I can do.and I'm proud I work hard
I know I'm not at sport day,school afternoon stuff doesn't bother me,or dc
My friends and do are supportive,in my social circle all the mums work,it's our normal

So,as working mum you need to be organised
Need to toughen up to the nay Sayers precious moments brigade.
You get used to the inane comments i don't know how you do it. oh I say always working
I don't do any pta stuff,the wags can do that they don't work and do fa else anyway
We value our weekend,and love family time

I don't manage it, hence I'm going to decrease my hours ALOT very soon.

Short of cloning myself I can't be good at my job and good at being a mum.

The latter comes first.

Good luck

Biggest myth ever peddled to women is have it all.no one has it all.something gives
You can't have a career,and be at school gate,every event.something gives
I've never felt guilty about working ft.its a burden heaped upon women,not men
I've Never heard a man apologise for working ft,or be berated for ft work.unlike women

I wouldn't want to try.

I gave up work when my kids came along. We downsized.

Bliss.

Mindtrope I wish I'd had the forethought to be that logical!

I knew before I had kids that I would give up work.

It just becomes routine.something you all do,and do well.its not necessarily chaotic
Was never going to give up work why would I?no need to.dont want to
Fast forward to the schoolmums who now can't get job,scrabble about for posts they're overqualified for.they have partners who won't/don't accomodate the mothers needs cause they've never had to.plus the dads get to work unimpeded by family,and don't want to change
As a society we expect mothers to give things up,question their maternal instinct when they don't give up work

Love what girls of summer says.

I think because I'm always so busy, the adrenaline helps me with both home and work life. If I stop, I get really lethargic.

I'm a single parent, work almost full time, dcs at different schools, no family help but right now the house is clean and tidy, washing is up to date and I'm on top of work projects. I race around to get us out early in the morning but am generally home by 430 to be with the dcs after any school clubs.

I have to make sure I have quiet time every day though - I simply can't cope without lots of sleep and some time to read or exercise or just be. No time for anything else during the week. I don't even try and I don't feel guilty about it either.

The only way that worked for us financially (and mentally) was for me to return to work at an evening admin job. It's so hard getting a balance that works for you all as a family. I hope it gets easier

I've balanced work and family since DD was 2 months old and DH was SAHD. DD now with childminder.

It's busy and exhausting but totally worth it!! I'm tired by the time I get to my desk in the morning but get into the zone. DH and I split drop off and pick ups equally and all other tasks - we tag team.

I love it because I really love the valuable time with DD and I go out and do a job that stimulates and develops me. DD loves the time she spends with her childminder.

It's stressful, long, exhausting and relentless but it won't be this way forever - we're both making investments in our careers and family and hoping it pays off in the long run.

Up at 6, get 4 kids ready, drive 2 to 2 different schools, almost jump lights to get to work by 8.30. After school club which they hate until 4. collect 2, collect other from childminder, home, homework, cook, bath, collapse.
NOT ANY MORE...Something had to give, tired, kept getting sick, guilty for not giving kids my all, guilty for not giving work my all...gave up work...I loved my job but it's too much. NOT WORKING _ I LOVE IT!

DH works longer hours so I'm responsible for the nursery drop off and pick up.

Look OP here lies the problem your DH is not pulling his weight. But I'm guessing his job is more important. If that's the case and he can support the family he needs someone who is happy to stay at home. If he can't support the family alone or the woman also values her career then the rest is also his responsibility.

Women running themselves ragged doing everything and working FT is . It actually annoys me that women put up with this shit in this day and age.

It's simple - I cope because DH takes 50% responsibility for 'wifework' does more school drop offs and pick ups than me.

It's really tough when you start back - you have my sympathies. Just know that THIS point of your life will be a real juggling act and pretty exhausting. Once your children are slightly more independent (can get themselves ready in the morning, don't require you to feed them breakfast etc) things become much easier. This is a stage of life where you are more stretched with money and time than ever before (and if you add to the brood it continues a while longer) but it does get easier, I promise.

Yup started this back in September but only 3 days a week.
Clothes and milk ready and laid out. I get up and 3 year old wakes too. Bribery to dress her. Get myself ready. Wake youngest who turned one last week. Dress him. Run to the car. Drop them off and drive to work. Finish work, go get kids. Put them to bed. Cool for me and hubby and then sleep.
It's hard but I find it much easier than staying at home. I don't have the tolerance for that