MIL and being obese

[YellowBlinds]

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

I usually do Blonde but I started this one as pages and there's never a huge number of updates in one go so not changed. If thread 2 gets as fast moving as this was at points then I will.

Is anyone getting a tiny bit concerned MIL has broken in during the night and kidnapped OP a la Kathy Bates in Misery.....?

I have all set for 100 replies a page

Yes hope op is ok. hopefully having snuggles with hubby or at mil laying the law down

Ah, I read on the tablet so get mobile view automatically. I have to request desktop view then select hundred per page - has to be a good thread for that!

Delurking to wish yellowblinds all the best. Wonderful, calm doorstep response and I hope you havery reached an agreement with DH about the next step.

What does that mean ClopySow?

Clopysow, expect more do de do de doos before we get to doof doof.

Wow! Just rtft! What a woman! Well done for dealing with her and not giving in.

Clopy

Just imagining MIL right now in her dressing gown, sitting on doorstep balancing full English breakfast on knee, while crying and rattling letterbox.

So what if the OP never comes back. She had a problem, wanted some advice about whether she was overthinking, resounding no you weren't/advise moving. She doesn't owe anyone the next instalment. If she's got what she needed then great. It's her life, not entertainment for us.

Agree with lonely, I'm curious but more than that, I would like a good resolution. Each member of this family have reached a tipping point which will be personally distressing. MN is great for support and advice but ops situation is not a sideshow, I wish her well but I'm stepping away from this now.

I hope you're ok, OP.

And I hope your DH is supporting you in what you two need to do to resolve this and live in peace, which you are perfectly entitled to want and need to do.

Hi, still alive just very very busy this weekend. I'll update properly as soon as I can. Nothing too exciting, just MIL up to her usual tricks

You came back! Hurrah!

You'll need to start a new thread, Yellow, as this one is nearly full

Call it MIL and being Obese Bonkers or something, so we know how to find it

Call it "MIL doorstep dining" and we'll know what you mean

Hope you're OK though OP?

The gleeful thigh rubbing on this post is gross.

Sorry to hear she is still up to her tricks.

Oh Yellow

I was really hoping that she'd start to improve

This is someone's life.
It's not bloody Eastenders.
Go and watch TV if you need to be entertained

Here's the thing. She's probably used these tactics in varying degrees all her adult life. And so far they've worked. This may be the first time that someone has actually pushed back hard.

How far are you prepared to go? I think you need to think about that. Some people like her eventually give up, some don't. I know you've said that moving and buying elsewhere would to be difficult So are you prepared to go completely NC? Are you prepared to get a restraining order?

Wrongly or rightly, there has been a small bit of 'black humour' running in this thread, and lots of time that's how we keep our sanity in difficult situations. But soon it will cease to be funny at all.