To not want to date a tory?

[VladmirsPoutine]

I know you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. But I'm currently dating someone who's told me he's a tory. He's a good person and I like him but I can't really get to grips with his ideologies about things. I'm politically aware but not active iyswim? I'd basically be ending the relationship purely because he's a tory but he's not actually a bad person so I feel a bit ridiculous.

The world already has too many prejudiced bigots like you.

I've looked to see where in my post I said I wouldn't want my DCs dating tories. I can't find it. I have acquaintances who are tories and a lot of them seem very pleasant. But they vote for things like the bedroom tax and all the very nasty disability assessments that hurt poor and vulnerable people, and I find this difficult to understand. I might quite like a person who voted tory on the grounds that they are witty, or like the same music or art that I like, but love them? No, just can't.

If one of my DCs fell in love with a tory, I'd welcome the person into my family because they made my child happy. I might wonder at it, but I'd keep this to myself. So far, my DCs haven't fallen in love with any tories, and show no sign of doing so!

Astonishing how intolerant and bigoted you are OP. That's typical of the left - they loathe views other than their own and are the most vocal in their virtue signalling.

Do him a favour and break off the relationship. He deserves much better than you.

Stay in your echo chamber and congratulate yourself on your liberal views

Personally I think you've made the right decision. I don't think I could be bothered arguing the toss every time I heard something political on the news.

He's never known any hardship and thinks benefits are excessive

This is the deal breaker for me. Like you said op-deliberately obtuse. I can't stand people talk about benefit cuts in the abstract, ignoring the fact that there are people behind them. The figures of people who died whilst appealing their disability living allowance decision were chilling.

To the person who suggested it was more important to bring up children to think for themselves rather than blindly accept their parents views: I fully agree. My son does think for himself and is very politically aware, he has compassion and consideration for others and feels that the Tories do not embrace those ideals in their policies. He is not a leftie because of us, but he can articulate his political views well, because we have encouraged him to be interested in current affairs, politics and the world around him. I think that is really important. Growing up, my parents never discussed politics and so when I was old enough to vote, I didn't feel informed enough and so didn't vote until I was in my 20s.

DH and I have very different views on Jeremy Corbyn, DH thinks he's a shambolic embarrassment who will ruin the Labour party, whereas I think he's a good man who is a poor leader. Neither of us voted for him in the leadership elections. It is possible to ahve some political differences and still have a strong relationship, but I would struggle to stay with someone whose values and beliefs were very different to my own.

So, we're clearly in for a Labour landslide next time, according to this thread.

Yep, just like last time.......not.

I don't think that's unreasonable. I have Tory friends but we manage it by having some topics completely off limits, and we've known each other since childhood so there's a lot of shared history.

With family members who have got more right-wing as they have got older, I'm afraid it's managed by not seeing them as much, because agreeing to differ just doesn't work with them.

With a partner though, you don't want there to be completely off-limit topics and you both having censor yourself. Ultimately if you have political convictions, you have to accept that those convictions will be unacceptable to some people. If he feels strongly enough to identify as a Tory, then presumably there are some ideals which are unacceptable to him, and he has to understand that his ideals will be unacceptable to some other people.

I'm sure there's lots of people who wouldn't want to date me because of my political beliefs. and I'm perfectly happy with that.

Not sure about dating someone according to their political views. If you followed that thought process you would also choose your friends according to the politics they follow. I can't stand Corbyn, a man totally out of his depth, but I have friends who vote labour, who are nice people. The sensible thing is not to talk about politics with someone who doesn't have the same political view as yourself, unless you are laid back easy going people capable of sensible non confrontational debate.

Having given the Tories a slagging, I remembered that I actually haven't got a clue who to vote for at the next election:

1. Conservative: Brexit, cutting disabled benefits, austerity, no money for NHS, troublesome meddling in Education, cuts to local councils for essential services but 'I'm all right jack'

1. Labour. Who knows? They've been taken over by a bunch of Trotskyite entryists and I haven't got a clue what's going on

1. Lib Dem. anti-Brexit (tick) but wiped out in 2015 and unforgiven for going into coalition with Cameron (although I'm of the belief that they helped reign in some of the more pop-eyed stuff)

1. Green. Sound policies on education, health, Brexit. Wasted vote though?

1. UKIP. Fuck that.

So OP perhaps you and Tory Boy might be able to find some common ground amidst the unholy mess that is British Politics?

I only date non-tedious men. So I have yet to try a Labour supporter.

I'm a Labour Party member have been on and off for years

I also voted to keep in power a party who went to war and that I strongly disagreed with

People rarely vote for one issue in elections they vote for many

All Tories have cold souls AND big noses. FACT!
and shiny shoes - even THE CHILDREN!!

BadKnee

I love all the offended Tory voters who can't understand why people would find it hard to be in a relationship with someone who voted to strip the disabled of their rights. Yeah, it's a real mystery.

Yeah same could be said about those that voted for a government slaughtering loads of prople going into a war just to Cozy up with America and his pal

"Astonishing how intolerant and bigoted you are OP. That's typical of the left - they loathe views other than their own and are the most vocal in their virtue signalling."

BMW6 - erm, pot / kettle . . . ?

FWIW I'm a die hard lefty (far bottom left corner of the political compass for those of you who follow such things). But I've friends on right and left and I often prefer to talk politics with those further away from me. Rarely anything so vicious as internecine fighting - and the Tories are as bad for it as Labour (obviously not right now, but they've done a fine job of it at different times over the years).

My OH voted for the "True Finns" in my last election (basically the UKIP of Finland) while I'm staunchly left-wing. Sometimes I wonder why I'm with him but to his credit, he realised his mistake in voting for them. But we still have political arguments from time to time and when he met my parents he sided with my (Tory) dad at a dinner table debate which was practically a stab in the back

You don't want to date a Tory. Fine. (I agree fwiw)

Then don't. (Singularly unhelpful I know)

Crikey, this is a weird thread. There are a lot of outdated, surface stereotypes here.

I am from a very political family (with close family members that belong to different parties: LibDem, Labour, Tory, Ukip and Green) and do a lot of cross party work. You get diamonds in every party. You also get absolute shits in every party. And just because someone is in a particular party or votes for them does not necessarily mean they vote for or support policy that adheres to what you would presume are national party perspectives.

You get Labour voters that have an understanding of race relations that seems to come from the 1950s, and hardcore Thatcherites demanding grants for council estate community associations. It really is not as simple as "a Tory" or "a Labourite" or a "LibDem" or "Ukip" or "Green." In reality, those labels mean very little.

Indeed, if you were to blind interview quite a lot of the politicos I know and then guess their party, you would probably get it wrong about 75 percent of the time.

And that, to me, is key really. It's not where you sit on the traditional left/right spectrum but also where you sit on the axis of authoritarianism to libertarianism, and also where you situate yourself in terms of economy, society and culture and where your parameters are for each. You can get extremely socially and culturally liberal Tories and downright almost totalitarian Labourites.

Again, there's a lot of difference, for example, between the late Bob Crow and Chuka Umunna -- yet both were/are Labour. I could, personally, have had a fair few pints with Crow, but I doubt I could cope with Umunna for a second.

Things have shifted massively in politics over the last thirty years, and the scene was always very complex anyway. The local councillors in my borough that are gay are all Tories, for example, and one of them advocates strongly for the rights of the disabled (he is one of only two councillors to do so; the other is a LibDem). Most of the women councillors are Tories. Some of the longest standing councillors are female Tories.

My personal measure is: are you a twat or not? My current mental leaderboard of twats is headed by five Labour councillors, two Libdem activists, four Tories (one of whom is an MP) and two Ukip members. Believe me, in terms of twattery, there really isn't much between them, despite the fact they are from four very different parties.

I'm finding it really weird that there seem to be so many people here who would automatically rule someone out as a prospective partner just because they vote a particular way They're not even fussed about meeting them first and judging them on their looks alone - it's "you vote Tory, I'm not interested". Such shallowness.
Personally I vote according to the policies at the time (which is why I've voted Conservative, Labour & Lib Dem at various times). And I've dated Labour & Lib Dems for definite, no idea what the views of the others were. It just didn't matter. Besides, if you have different opinions (and can accept that others have different opinions, which granted seems hard for some here on Mumsnet!) doesn't that give you more to talk about and make it more interesting?

Yabu.

Not read thread but YANBU

I married a Tory- thought he was an exception as he was nice. He wasn't he was and is a complete bastard.

Moral of the story- never ever EVER trust/date/marry a Tory

No way would I do it. Hate selfishness.

Ps I might be biased

You can get extremely socially and culturally liberal Tories and downright almost totalitarian Labourites

Sure, but I still couldn't be in a relationship with a liberal Tory. Politics is really important to me and it would annoy me too much to have to listen daily to right wing views - however liberal.

Plus I really couldn't stomach a lover aligning themselves with such an odious bunch. Thatcher was bad enough, but she was at least astute. This lot are unbearably dim.

I could never date a lefty-liberal.
Luckily, most of those guys put "no tories" on their profiles so I just move on.

I don't know OP, I kind of think you sound a bit bigoted. A person is entitled to their views and opinions. That's the point of democracy. We can all have our say and it is even optional to do so. I vote differently to dh. Neither of us cares. I can honestly say I have no idea how my ex voted. It wouldn't have occurred to me to make judgements of him. I do happen to know that my closest friend votes differently to me and differently to my dh. Again who gives a shit? I would have thought that most people in politics want to make things better for as many people as they can but views differ as to how this can be achieved. Well in fact it can't really be achieved but they're trying.
Fwiw the worst sort of politics imo is politics of extreme (left or right).

I tried to date a Labour-supporting, cat-hating, Celtic-supporting, Glasgow-dwelling vegetarian once. It didn't work.

I'm very conservative, have a cat, support Rangers, live in Edinburgh and do low-carb.

It was DOOMED!