Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to date a tory?

382 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 17/01/2017 14:57

I know you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. But I'm currently dating someone who's told me he's a tory. He's a good person and I like him but I can't really get to grips with his ideologies about things. I'm politically aware but not active iyswim? I'd basically be ending the relationship purely because he's a tory but he's not actually a bad person so I feel a bit ridiculous.

OP posts:
Cartright · 17/01/2017 23:56

I don't know, Baylisiana, I think it's less about who they are as people, and more about what their chosen political beliefs do to other people. If the policies they support cause harm,then their intentions, good, compassionate, or otherwise, are irrelevant. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

GloriaGaynor · 17/01/2017 23:57
Grin

^sorry prem post

GloriaGaynor · 17/01/2017 23:58

Oh ffs. This is what I meant to post:

I'd lie back and think of Europe!

Grin
NumberOneTricky · 18/01/2017 00:01

It's okay Gloria, I'll pass Ken's number on to you when we're finished Wink

NumberOneTricky · 18/01/2017 00:03

Someone like Toby Young, that's who I think of when I think of the most loathsome sort of Tory twit. I'd rather lick the Glastonbury toilets clean than be in any kind of naked situation with that man.

WrongTrouser · 18/01/2017 00:06

I hate threads like this. Voting conservative doesn't automatically make me a bad person. I am pro-remain, pro-gay marriage, pro-equality and loathe Trump and UKIP

Love what you did there amummy

"I hate threads like this judging people as less worthy because of how they vote. I may have voted Tory but I'm not one of those nasty leave voters, you know" Grin

Baylisiana · 18/01/2017 00:08

I wouldn't disagree with that Cartright
It definitely comes into the equation and you have to consider the impact as well as the intention. I think over time if you do share some underlying values then you often end up coming closer on the policies and outcomes, but you have an excellent point. For various reasons it hasn't reached the point of being a problem for us but I can see how it well might.

Baylisiana · 18/01/2017 00:09

Ps. Might for some people!

BumDNC · 18/01/2017 00:11

I don't then I could bear it. I can just about tolerate discussing these things with work colleagues and even worse, family tories Wink
I just think I would get so irritated and it could cause arguments.

dowhatnow · 18/01/2017 00:11

It can work but DH and I are only slightly right and left. I suppose if you both have very strong views it is harder.

BillSykesDog · 18/01/2017 00:12

That just made me laugh Bay.

'I put up with it when you dated that rapist, but I draw the line at you dating someone unemployed'. Grin

BumDNC · 18/01/2017 00:13

I agree overall it's how the person conducts themselves, if they are a giant old bigot with a load of waffle ideas they like to spout at you, middle right or left

SinisterBumFacedCat · 18/01/2017 00:16

A few years ago I would have sooner shit in my hands and clap than consider dating a Tory.

Then UKIP came along.....

Honestly, Tories seem rather sweet in comparison to those fuckers.

BumDNC · 18/01/2017 00:18

I mean that's a given. I could forgive a very hot, nice, kind and misguided Tory man but no matter what else a UKIP bloke could bring to the table I would run a mile.

When I was OLD this was the worst part. Trying to secretly find out if they were a UKIP supporter

NumberOneTricky · 18/01/2017 00:19

Nuttall or Gove? Nuttall or Gove? Nuttall or Gove?

I'd have to opt for the cyanide pill I think.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 18/01/2017 00:23

If I ever want to stop fancying someone I imagine them telling me how much they love Ukip.

AML84 · 18/01/2017 00:25

I have a lot of Tory friends and family. Some of the older ones are stark mad raving Daily Mail-readers, but the majority are very normal, nice, decent people who were anti-Brexit and (of course) anti-Trump.

I suppose it comes down to: Although you disagree with him, do you see logic to his arguments and understand where he is coming from? Or are they so far from your own views that they seem totally illogical and morally wrong?

You may be able to live with and respect the former, but the latter obvs won't work!

BumDNC · 18/01/2017 00:26

Maybe that's what men do to get rid of women they don't fancy?

SeaWitchly · 18/01/2017 07:57

Enthusiasm yeah you might be right.
Or it might also be all the infighting and coup shenanigans of last year that put people off...
Whatever. I like his policies and think he talks a lot of sense. However I have had to read more widely to get an accurate representation of what Corbyn actually says and what he is proposing. If people rely on headlines and soundbites from the media I am not surprised they may feel he is a shambolic embarrassment. Depends on how interested you are in understanding more about the actual issues I suppose.

OfficerMeowMeowFuzzyface · 18/01/2017 08:27

I'm a Labour supporter who married a Tory: we're both card carrying party members (though I'm currently thinking of resigning my labour membership, but that's a different story...). When we were first together we used to shag every time we argued about politics. Obviously that's not sustainable long term...! What actually means it works for us is mutual trust: we both know that the other one genuinely wants a better society, we just really strongly disagree on how you get there. I really think we do share key values, as ridiculous as that might sound to many people on this thread. My long term boyfriend before him was left wing (more so than me) and actually it was with him that political arguments got genuinely nasty, but that's because we were just generally much less 'healthy' arguers.

It probably does make a difference that I was friends with DH for years before we got together (we joke that our marriage is the drunken shag that never ended): I'd never have picked his profile if I were doing online dating, for instance. But I'd be much worse off for that.

I do wish that people would stop emailing me Lucy Mangan columns, though...

Trills · 18/01/2017 08:48

When I was OLD this was the worst part. Trying to secretly find out if they were a UKIP supporter

I wouldn't call it the worst part.

HobbitTankard · 18/01/2017 09:44

A derailment from thread but I have to say this:

SeaWitchly, I won't be listening to Corbyn's speeches but please don't condemn me as uninformed. I have seen his political life play out in the Labour party over the past 30 years. (I am so old that I remember my excitement at the election of Diane Abbot as an MP!)

In terms of presentation I do think he has got better. But it's the core be!iefs that make me unable to vote for him or McDonnel.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 18/01/2017 10:05

The Tories have infighting all parties have a fighting its how it is managed do you not think they Tories are not fighting at the moment. The press have always been largely right wing but Corbyn has made a point of working against the press Hmm and what he has now is social media

Corbyn polices might be agreeable to many but they need backing up with more than we shall raise taxes for the wealthy

And Corbyn himself will never be PM his history will see to that and yes I am quite well informed

MercyMyJewels · 18/01/2017 10:07

Tories are evil Grin

But the most important question is, does he have lots of money? If he doesn't then he's fucking stupid because he's skint and votes Tory, so steer well clear. If he's loaded, get him to buy you a very expensive dinner while you prove that you are not politically bigoted or not Grin

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 18/01/2017 10:08

mercy loaded to fuck Grin. Last night I ended up shagging him and did the walk of shame this morning.

OP posts: