Bully and party invite

[bonnieweelass]

My DD is going to be 9 in a few weeks and is at school in scotland. There are two classes for her age group due to pupil numbers and every year they tend to change pupils around. There's another wee girl (let's call her jenny) who until this year, with the exception of primary 1, has been in the other class.

Jenny has taken a real dislike to my DD this year. Kicking, pulling hair, shouting, scratching. DD has not yet retaliated but I worry it will happen as she's getting more wound up by jenny.

Jenny's mum until this year was a teacher at the school but now teaches elsewhere.

I've spoken to the school twice now both by phone and by letter. Most recent call was yesterday so will see if anything changes. Both girls were spoken to apparently but Jenny refused to apologise or shake hands DD tells me.

However DD has given out her party invites. I told her not to exclude Jenny because she needs to be kind even if Jenny is not. DH number on the invite and we've just had this text from Jenny's mum:

"I am texting you with regards to the invitation we have received to your child's party. Jenny will not be attending this party".

I'm a bit as there's no "thank you" or "sorry" and it's all really formal, not even mentioning DDs name which she knows having taught DD two years ago.

DH has not replied, he's just shrugged his shoulders and said "tossers".

What do MNetters think?

SDTG and Laguna - don't waste your time. Navy has to have the last word. Even though Navy is THE single most aggressive proponent of being the "bigger person", she herself can only be the "bigger person" if she has the last word. Also prone to cheap shots such as calling someone a "bully" because that person is making it hard for her to have the last word.

I am taking Navy's advice to be the "bigger person". I am letting Navy have the last word.

I guess I don't understand why a bullied child needs to be magnanimous towards the person victimising them, or why a parent would willingly take the risk of their child being bullied at their own birthday party.

Just a word from MNHQ asking that you respect each others' opinions. Having read this whole thread it's clear that very interesting points are being made so please don't continue with the personal attacks that will result in multiple post deletions or this thread being pulled. Peace and love everyone.

"NavyandWhite

Come on now we all know that you can't wife that someone is disgisting as it's a PA and it would be deleted but there's ways round saying it which is what Languna did so well."

She did NOT call you disgusting. Come on now, let's strive for accuracy.

I would have thought the curt reply you received was probably on the back of you contacting the school just yesterday, possibly. When did the party invites get handed out?

All a bit 'mixed messages' all round really. I understand you not wanting to single one girl out of the invites, OP but from Jenny's mums pov she must be pretty confused by this. Still, the reply to your invite was quite rude imo.

Think you'd have been better off not inviting Jenny in the first place.

I am merely reiterating my point - as I am entitled to do.

Of course, the problem is that one can't come on and deny that one wants the last word - because by doing so, one has had the last word. Nor can one applaud another for having the last word - because it's then been taken away from them.

It is a logical conundrum.

The last word is what you like to do. I want to do it too.

Have a nice day.

It's a bit immature.

Of course not. Do have a nice day, now.

Cool. Actually I quite like your posts but you are like a wee terrier with a bone!
Go on go on go on go... you know you want to.......

To the OP - you definitely did the right thing. I say this as a mum whose SEN child was often left out. My child was very tall and so was sometimes perceived as troublesome. Your generous action Is good modelling for you daughter. The other comments.... eye opening! Glad my children ate older and out of the party circuit now.
.

But...but...but - I had had the last word!

Right, here it is... not the final word but the final peace and love request
Can we try not to let others' views derail us....please?

Inviting Jenny was awful. Whatever the truth of the bullying accusations is, it's clear that having Jenny there would take away a lot from her birthday party.

If I were Jenny's mum I absolutely wouldn't think you had the moral high ground or were a lovely kind person, I would think you were a troublemaker. To complain about Jenny to the school, multiple times, and then invite her to a party? Most people would find that mad behaviour.

Your poor daughter. She ought to feel you have her back, not her bully's back.

Why can't you understand? The OP was being the bigger person in all this. She would know it was v v unlikely the bully would be allowed to come. I commend the OP's stance and I think the bully's mother should take tips from her.