To have called in sick (again!) and now not know what to do?

[username1317]

I've been ill with a string of back to back colds/fluey viruses since before Christmas. I have a toddler in nursery who of course gets everything and brings it home.

I had a long break at Christmas but was really ill with an awful cough and cold for all of it and we went to stay with family for a week (was planned for ages and they live the other side of the uk so rarely get to see them) which with lo wasn't very restful. When is Christmas with kids!

I've had quite a few days off here and there since being back. Some mornings after no sleep with ill toddler on top of being ill myself I just can't imagine getting through a day's work. Some days he's been ill and I've had to stay home with him rather than send him to nursery. Whenever I've been off he's been home (two times I was off sick nursery phoned me to pick him up because he was sick too) so I don't feel I've really had any time to rest or get better. I had to call DH home from work yesterday and Friday because I was too ill to look after toddler all day.

To add to the mire I've just told my boss that I'm planning on leaving. Not officially handed in my notice yet but said I plan to soon and would spend the next however many weeks getting things ship shape to pass on to someone else. It's a stressful job in a disorganised organisation. Boss appreciated me telling them and stressed how highly they regard me.

I've just called in sick again (was off at the end of last week) and sent my boss an email saying I need to actually rest and get better rather than drag myself in and hang on by the skin of my teeth again until I can't do it any more and have to take another random day. I stressed this had nothing to do with my decision to leave but is just terrible timing and I want to get better so I can do a good job.

DH and DS have just left in the dark to do a day at work / nursery and I'm here in bed with the house to myself for the first time in 18 months. I think I'm having some kind of existential crisis! I feel so guilty but at the same time so full of dread at the idea of more struggling through illness and sleep deprivation.

Have a done the right thing and what the hell do I do with my day to properly rest but not feel like a useless lay about? How on earth do other working mums get through winter with constant illnesses? Am I just rubbish at life?

I've had proper viruses. I was laid up for nearly 2 weeks with flu when my children were babies/toddlers. I literally could just about drag myself to the loo. I missed my toddlers first nativity play because I really was too poorly to do anything. I certainly wasn't starting long winded discussions on the internet about whether I was unreasonable to stay off work. I knew 100% that I couldn't go.

Of course you can't gage over the Internet but it does read that OP has a cold, is knackered from lack of sleep and feels a bit shit. Don't we all now and again? It's not an excuse to stay off though, especially if you've had lots of sick leave (individual days here and there) already.

My DSis has had that awful viral cough that has been on the news. She has no DCs and is young, level headed and healthy- and I have never seen her so miserable, dragging herself into work because she didn't want to risk seeming unreliable. She could barely breathe or talk from constant, unrelenting coughing. To have that on top of a coughing sleepless infant as well? Fuck that right off.

True Carnaby

Curious to know what happens at weekends, do you get to sleep and rest while your partner takes over? Seems that you do the lion's share and your work situation is suffering as a result.
Two days in bed at the weekend would make a huge difference to your wellness.

I totally agree chocoholic. We've all had that one bloody colleague who is off for the slightest sniffle and never offers to help out their colleagues who've convered all their work so they can watch Netflix ffs

Stay in bed and rest!

I had similar problem when I returned to work (when DD was 8months). She picked up every bug from nursery and passed them onto me! My boss was understanding but could tell she was frustrated and I don't blame her. I couldn't meet the demands of the job as every couple of weeks DD or myself would be ill so I'd have to take carers leave or sick leave including 2weeks off when I had pneumonia.

I've now stopped working for a bit (I locum so can choose my hours) as felt I was letting everyone down, including DD who kept getting ill at nursery and having to wait for me to commute to collect her.

As for not being able to work after being up all night with toddler, I think you just have the soldier on (if toddler not ill) and also avoid taking time off for colds or minor things. Dose yourself up on caffeine and Lemsip and battle through. I also used annual leave to avoid too many sick days.

Get well soon

I think your day off threshold might be set a bit low.*

^^ this.

In my work we get put onto sickness review if we have either 2 periods of sick leave in 6 months or 3 in 12 months. It doesn't matter if each of those periods are 1 day or 7 days or however many days. First stage is 6 months 'probabtion', if any sick in that time then it's a formal review and so on.

I'm surprised that your company doesn't have a similar sickness policy in place? Can you just take sick time willy nilly with no consequence?

See your GP. There is a nasty virus going around this winter causing a cough for weeks. A number of my colleagues have been very ill with it, one ended up with pneumonia. There's probably not much that can be done if it's a virus but you need to get checked out.

Could you work from home at all? I've got a chest infection and no voice and worked from home all week, and went back to bed for a few hours yesterday. Still managing to get some work done though.

I find it hard like you to know when to take time off - I had a previous hugely unsympathetic bullying boss, and for many years after, forced myself to turn up to work despite sometimes serious illnesses. It was getting to the comedy stage ("no, honestly, I'm fine, they've just taken the drip out"). But have learnt since I met current boss as I staggered to the airport with a 40 degree fever and he sent me straight home, that sometimes you shouldn't go in.

There is a nasty virus going around this winter causing a cough for weeks

People are always posting statements like this. You do know that this site is international, but even in the Uk posters can be hundreds and hundreds of miles apart, and the virus going around your town is unlikely to be in theirs at the same time?

Sound like normal life - balancing health off days with work and children. Trouble is I found throughout my working life there are those who take days off all over the place but this just shifts the burdens to other colleagues who labour on trying to hold the fort for them ( and who are probably struggling themselves to balance the same things).

I did feel annoyed when I heard workmates say their partner/husband couldn't take time off because they were self employed...........another burden magically shifted to others when £££ signs were calculated in.

If you are unfit for work with no obvious solution, resign and let the manager appoint someone else who can cope. It's the only fair thing to do.

I can sympathise OP (we had this last winter - toddler with appalling sleep and during her first winter at nursery caught every bloody bug going which both me and DH then caught). However, if DH needed to take the day off to look after DD when nursery sent her home he would do as much work from home as practical (I know not everyone can work from home though) and we tried to keep our time off for personal sickness as minimal as possible. I ended up having to go to sick twice - once for a couple of days with norovirus, and once for a couple of days with 'proper' flu (I actually did originally go in with this but after a couple of hours at work I had a temp of nearly 40c and was violently shivering, and decided I couldn't work through that either). Every normal cough and cold we worked through, as well as tonsillitis (me) and a chest infection (DH). It's bloody hard I know but the constant bugs and sleep deprivation is sadly part and parcel of having young kids, and my employer would have gone nuts if I had time off for every cough and cold we had that winter.

Do you know what though, I was like OP and went to work and did all the 'I'm FIIINE' bit and my manager was like 'you look GREY'. I had bronchitis. I was having over 12 asthma attacks a day and fits of uncontrollable coughing that just wouldn't stop. I didn't know I was that ill. I went back to the GP for a ventolin refill and they were like WTF are you doing going to work???

OP, if your boss reckons you should be off then you probably look terrible and sound terrible and are at that 'can't hide how properly poorly I am' stage, not the 'I'm being a snowflake and can't cope' stage.

I've never known a boss tell someone to take sick time when they didn't need to. I've known a boss say 'well if you think you need to then take it' if they think the person is a bit fakey or over egging the pudding. But as a boss personally I've sent people home or told them not to come in because as a clinician in my other job, I can generally tell if someone is being a wimp or actually proper ill!

1. Get your DP to take over this weekend and sleep all weekend if you have to, Dp should be doing alternate nights too.
2. If you worked for me - I manage a team of 40 - I would be very unhappy and you would probably be on an action plan as a last stop before disciplinary action.
3. If you are job hunting you can't expect a good reference.

I'm sorry but you don't seem to be doing anything to help yourself. Go to the gp if it's that bad?
Your manager sounds too nice and your lucky.
When my dd was at nursery she was constantly poorly and at least once a month she ended up having nebulisers in hospital.
I had to use my holiday days to care for her. I became rundown as I was working or looking after a poorly child and ended up with God knows how many chest infections and sinusitis episodes than I care to remember but you know what? I got to the gp I got the treatment I needed and some how just carried on
So put your big girl pants on!

I've had coughs and colds on and off since November, coughing until I vomited on a couple of occasions. Utterly miserable. I didn't go to begin with because my understand is coughs are usually viral. A few weeks ago I decided enough was enough and there was a chance I now had secondary bacterial infections. I phoned my GP, got an appointment that day, 5 minute consultation where he listened to my chest and asked a few questions and I had antibiotics by the afternoon. The relief of feeling well was practically euphoric. It's what your GP is there for.

OP had a GP appt yesterday. I can't blame her for not returning to update afterwards though.

Just wanted to mention OP (in relation to toddler losing dummy and that just being another reason for lack of sleep.), when my dc2 was little I went through all the waking up reasons and tried to systematically reduce them. Dc1 is on overnight pump medication so we had A LOT of beeps/toilet visits/etc etc.

For the lost dummy we bought a sleepy toy and it honestly helped. Ours has 2 dummies on it. Velcro went over time so they are now stitched on...but it definitely helped to minimise night time disruption. SLEEPYTOT Large Pink Bunny www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00N9ZFN14/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_kY7FybFY7PJDZ

Also, if child is ill we have a syringe of medication (paracetamol/ibuprofen) on a shelf in their room ready to squirt into their mouth if they wake and need it...so no need to go downstairs etc....and if Dh wakes then there's no need for him to ask me if I think calpol is appropriate/how much do I give him again?? etc.

We also have vapour rub, for their backs, and plans oil in their rooms in a little basket on a shelf. Out of reach but no hunting around needed when they wake because of blocked nose.

Hope you get some good sleep soon.

Many harsh posts. So many people who apparently soldier on through anything. I really sympathise with people who don't get proper sick pay, but I don't see anything intrinsically wrong with taking time off when you are infectious - it helps stop the spread of the virus to everybody else at work.
But I think in this case, as the op has decided to leave her job anywy that she might as well go ahead and do it as soon as she can, allowing her employer to get somebody else in post.

youre lucky your manager doesnt suspect your days off are actually interview days! you need to see your gp if you have already had to have a number of days off in the 3rd week of Jan Are you worried you will be signed off and lose a week or 2 full pay instead of 'just' a few days?

[flowwers] OP.

It's bloody tough, it really is. I remember it well.

Ignore the people who apparently "had bubonic plague and Ebola" and went in anyway.

FWIW I'm in bed already with the same shitty virus xxx

See I'm so ill I can't even spell flowers properly ^

again...

There has been a cold wth bronchitis doing the rounds. I've had the bloody thing from a week before Christmas it leaves you very low and worn out:-(

A lot of people have been suffering.