To have called in sick (again!) and now not know what to do?

[username1317]

I've been ill with a string of back to back colds/fluey viruses since before Christmas. I have a toddler in nursery who of course gets everything and brings it home.

I had a long break at Christmas but was really ill with an awful cough and cold for all of it and we went to stay with family for a week (was planned for ages and they live the other side of the uk so rarely get to see them) which with lo wasn't very restful. When is Christmas with kids!

I've had quite a few days off here and there since being back. Some mornings after no sleep with ill toddler on top of being ill myself I just can't imagine getting through a day's work. Some days he's been ill and I've had to stay home with him rather than send him to nursery. Whenever I've been off he's been home (two times I was off sick nursery phoned me to pick him up because he was sick too) so I don't feel I've really had any time to rest or get better. I had to call DH home from work yesterday and Friday because I was too ill to look after toddler all day.

To add to the mire I've just told my boss that I'm planning on leaving. Not officially handed in my notice yet but said I plan to soon and would spend the next however many weeks getting things ship shape to pass on to someone else. It's a stressful job in a disorganised organisation. Boss appreciated me telling them and stressed how highly they regard me.

I've just called in sick again (was off at the end of last week) and sent my boss an email saying I need to actually rest and get better rather than drag myself in and hang on by the skin of my teeth again until I can't do it any more and have to take another random day. I stressed this had nothing to do with my decision to leave but is just terrible timing and I want to get better so I can do a good job.

DH and DS have just left in the dark to do a day at work / nursery and I'm here in bed with the house to myself for the first time in 18 months. I think I'm having some kind of existential crisis! I feel so guilty but at the same time so full of dread at the idea of more struggling through illness and sleep deprivation.

Have a done the right thing and what the hell do I do with my day to properly rest but not feel like a useless lay about? How on earth do other working mums get through winter with constant illnesses? Am I just rubbish at life?

Dont go into work if you are ill.

Nothing worse than being healthy and all of a sudden someone forces themselves to work and then spreads germs everywhere so everyone else gets it too.

Hope you feel better soon. Lots of liquids, a nice steam and lots of rest.

Agree with Onionknight. I think you need to go to work - sorry- I have had something similar - I'll for weeks with virus but have super demanding job and time sensitive things to deliver which meant I just had to keep going. I've only ever been off for physical injury requiring hospital treatment and vomiting & D. I'm not sure why all you folk keep going to the gp with viruses, it is a complete waste of time - the doc can do nothing - viruses just have to work their course. Antibiotics are completely redundant. Go to your pharmacy stock up power through it and give the NHS a break PLEASE

I'm going in today, but have a horrible virus. I had yesterday off because on top of the virus I hadn't slept and knew I wouldn't manage work.
last night I slept well, but virus is worse iyswim.
I have to go in tonight as no sick pay and they are strict with having time off.
I don't have to factor small dc into this, but those I work with who have small dc are treated the same ito taking time off.
I think you need to ask more of your dh if you need support and not rely on the goodwill of your employer.

If you can post on MN at that length... Pretty much every parent of babies/toddlers are sleep deprived. I cannot see why you need to catch up on sleep during work, why not get someone to have your toddler on your day off and catch up then?

No, it's what happens when you've had a baby and not slept for more than three hours in one stretch for a year who then has a cough for months which means he wakes up every hour hacking, loosing his dummy and screaming while you're crying with a temperature holding him in the night and wondering how you're going to earn enough to pay the rent if you dare admit you're ill.

no its not shite, im the same, i drag myself to work ill as if i don't go i don't get paid, £40 a shifti s a massive amount for me to loose on min wage on my own with 3 kids, ive had the coughing virus thats going around, have had 2 weeks and can't seem to get over it but also can't ring in sick, thousands of woman do the same because they have to, they have no choice.

If you know you have a virus, dont go to work and spread it there.

At my work people have children to look after, the elderly to look after, some are pregnant (Me!)

Once its spread around the office, people dont just struggle with their work, they struggle with everything else outside of work too.

You also dont recover as quickly if you don't let yourself have the time to.
This seems to be caused by people not being paid sick pay, so they are forced to go in. I wouldnt want to work for one of those companies this time of year.

Because sometimes it's very hard to tell what's a virus and what isn't. I was really properly ill last year with what I thought was a virus. It wasn't - I had a nasty bout of tonsillitis that would have put me in hospital if I'd left it much longer.

Not only that but if you're driving while sleep deprived, you're putting yourself and everyone else at risk.

I think people sometimes forget that not everyone has a nice office job where you're sitting at a desk all day. I'm on my feet for at least 8 hours a shift. We've had people faint because they've tried to work when they've been really ill.

As someone pointed out earlier, it's really sad and alarming that people seem to feel they're not entitled to sick leave and should have to work even if they're ill. People in the past fought hard for us to have these rights. Let's question why we don't feel entitled to use them, not criticise other people when they do. Obviously a small minority of people abuse the right, but as with all our rights, that doesn't mean it should be taken away.

I have a virus and if I don't struggle through will lose my job.
I only started in November and so far have worked through a bad cold, went home with d&v that started in work and had last night off as couldn't muddle through.
I feel better after a sleep but still have the virus that lasts for about a week according to others.
do people really expect others to have a week off so they don't spread germs?

Sleep deprived (new word for a bit tired)

Agree with OP here - to say this means you have never experienced a baby/toddler that does not sleep on-going/has a string of illnesses waking them every hour meaning you are lucky to get 3 hours disturbed sleep at best. True sleep deprivation is NOT just a bit tired!

I'm lucky my employers are really good and have always been far more understanding! I had a lot of time off work as DS was in hospital frequently with chest problems but I just took it as unpaid and if I'm honest if they had have called me up on it I would have been very black and white - There is no way I would have come into work whilst my 1yo DS was strapped up with Nebulisers and being given Oxygen, it just ain't happening.

Whilst I appreciate that business still runs as normal you have to be able to allow for these things sometimes. If you also don't get sick pay, to me it would be obvious you wouldn't pull a sickie as it's of no benefit to you! Can you work from home at all? Might be able to wangle some pay that way?

As far as the future goes if it were to continue you need to see a GP and look after yourself a bit better as otherwise this will just keep happening. Can DH not do some of the night wakings? You might have to compromise a bit until you are better and need the support.

As for today - you have taken it to try and recover, so do just that otherwise you will be stressing and needing the same time off in a few weeks! Don't waste the one day of the year you get. I hope you are too busy sleeping to be reading this.

stopfuckingshoutingatme

Having been in a similar position to the OP wrt health problems impacting on work I was daring to suggest one of many options.

What is your problem with that exactly?

The virus going round this year is particularly horrible, and seems to be lasting a long time. I've had a streaming cold for two weeks now, no voice (it's just coming back) and a cough. I work 12 hour shifts in a hospital and most of my colleagues have been off with it. You would have triggered the sickness policy long ago OP.

The first year of nursery is always hard, they bring home everything.

Now you are off, go to sleep. Nothing else. Don't try to do anything else, or you won't achieve the purpose of being off.

I also think your day off threshold might be a bit low but now you're off, go to sleep. Don't mess about on mn, or having an existential crisis or (least of all) doing housework

Also do agree there's no point in going to gp. you just waste sleep time.

Also though I don't think fact h is self employed means you take the time off and not him. That's unfair on your employer surely?

I'm self employed and kids' Dad is employed. OK he might take the time off if I have committed to be somewhere, but it doesn't automatically mean I can't take the day off.

I agree with whoever said a weeks annual leave to get over this properly might be an answer.

I may get flamed for this... Honestly, I think you need to suck it up. You've had a ridiculous amount of time off for what seems like minor things (having a cold / cough doesn't qualify for a day off work to me). You've taken a day off today to rest? You gave up rest days the day you decided to become a parent. If I was your boss I'd probably be feeling blessed that you were planning on leaving so I could replace you with someone more reliable.

Those of you saying ill people should stay home, how do you expect us to feed our kids if we're at home ill and get no sick pay? Not everyone has the luxury of staying home whilst ill and many of us are terrified of losing our jobs or getting into trouble with our employers. I'll admit it's far from ideal but it isn't our fault that we need to keep a roof over our heads.

Sleep deprived (new word for a bit tired)

You know the DVLA has run campaigns trying to get people to stop with those attitudes. 20% of car accidents every year are caused by drowsy drivers. I don't know if the OP drives to work, but telling people that sleep deprivation is no excuse to not be in work is kind of irresponsible.

I've had/still hot that sodding cough virus it's horrendous (in a sort of first world way I mean its not hanta virus or anything)I've limped into work everyday because I don't get sick pay and mo one covers my role and all I've got is stick from a colleague for coming in Ill.

Sleep deprivation is tortuous.

Muddling through and spreading your virus at work..? Don't come into my work like that, thanks.

OP you need rest, sounds like 1 step forward 2 steps back at this rate. You need to just stop now and get yourself better.

Yeah, and on another note to all those patting themselves on the back for staggering into work sick? Currently I'm helping care for my seriously unwell MiL who has no immune system due to intensive chemotherapy. I would be furious if one of you risked her life and compromised her care by infecting me with your cold. It is terribly selfish to come into work when sick and highly irresponsible as a manager to pressure people into doing this.

It's so tough. I work with immunosupressed patients so shouldn't be there if I'm ill but I'm I'm not there there is nobody to look after them! I will just go to work and wear a face mask I think. I don't know, is it better to have someone there who is ill so who could make the patients more ill or have not enough staff for it to be safe?! Obviously giving them my virus could make them very ill but not going to work means they might be sat in soiled sheets for hours??

CaspoFungin I'm in a similar position to you. It's tough trying to make the right call. I'm one of 5 people trained to do medication so if I'm off they would have to arrange cover which may mean meds are late.

I didn't go in the end. Tried to get of settee and couldn't.
I rang my agency who were fine but I know my employer will hold it against me if I have any other time off in the future.

Until all employers treat workers the same and allow sick days without any stigma or mark against their name, then people will have to go into work when ill.
I know some people struggle if they are ill, some pregnant, immune suppressant, those looking after elderly relatives, but some people have no choice but to work when ill, it does mean them losing their job if they are off. My place along with many others don't pay sick days so many have to work when ill as they need the money.

I think you need to toughen up and go to work. So many people, especially at this time of year go in to work full of cold, drained and exhausted. You are lucky you have a sympathetic boss. In a lot of places you'd be hauled over the coals for so many occasional days off sick. And yes, I have had toddlers in nursery and worked full time. It's a bit shit but it's life.

Carnabyqueen

I think you need to toughen up and go to work. So many people, especially at this time of year go in to work full of cold, drained and exhausted.

If it's just a cold it's fine to drag yourself in to work, but if you are properly ill then the best thing to do is stay at home and rest if you can. I had a virus in December, where I ached all over, was shivery and just needed to sleep. I was lucky to be able to take a few days to sleep and recover. If i'd gone in to work, it would have taken me much, much longer to recover, and I would have spread the germs around.I wouldn't have been able to do the 40 mi drive there! The best way to recover from being properly ill (not just a cold) is rest.
People advising the OP that she should have gone in to work make me cross! If you're sick, then you're sick, people get I'll, it's part of life.