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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What daughter said happened

234 replies

hils1979 · 16/01/2017 22:57

First post, please be gentle!
My 5 yr old daughter has told me tonight that 6 boys in year 2 have twice (today and last Friday) cornered her in the playground, pulled her tights and knickers down, and looked and laughed at her girly bits.
This is the first I've heard of something like this and I'm shocked!!!
I know boys will be boys... but seriously?? Also she said she told 2 teachers and the head. But why hasn't anyone told us?
AIBU to think be the school should have contacted me and told me? Reassured me they were aware and dealing with it? Have they told the parents of the boys? Awkward as 3 are pretty good friends of mine.

OP posts:
ailPartout · 17/01/2017 15:28

hardcorementalisttype

What are you basing this on?

Everyone with experience has told you otherwise.

HardcoreLadyType · 17/01/2017 15:32

I'm not really sure what your last post means, allRudeout.

If you are unable to understand that someone does not become a rapist on their 21st birthday, but as a result of cultural conditioning, and lessons learnt or not learnt in childhood, then perhaps you need to go back to school yourself.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/01/2017 15:42

Well done OP hope this is taken seriously. I would also consider the police, young boys need to know exactly how unacceptable this is. It needs to be completely un-normalised, and if it takes extremes then so be it. What a sad age we live in when this is happening in our playgrounds and people are minisming it Sad

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/01/2017 15:43

f you are unable to understand that someone does not become a rapist on their 21st birthday, but as a result of cultural conditioning, and lessons learnt or not learnt in childhood, then perhaps you need to go back to school yourself

Also this!

What age does this kind of thing become unacceptable? 8? 10? 12? 16?

DJBaggySmalls · 17/01/2017 15:45

Its disgusting that pp are more concerned with protecting the boys reputations than protecting the girls.

Original poster
hils1979 · 17/01/2017 15:47

I fee confident that communication lines are really good regarding this between myself, the head teacher and my daughter. Now I understand that the teachers were not aware of what happened I can't fault them in what they have done.
i think its about teaching the children what is appropriate behaviour and what isn't. I don't for a second think these boys had sexual assault in their minds.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2017 15:51

SuburbanRhonda how would this not be sexual?

The poster I was responding to used the term "sexually motivated". I disagree that 6-8 year-olds, whether boys or girls, would be sexually motivated to do anything.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2017 15:53

OP, really pleased the school are taking it seriously, as indeed they should.

HardcoreLadyType · 17/01/2017 15:54

I absolutely agree with you, hils.

These little boys will hopefully receive very clear messages that humiliating others is unacceptable behaviour.

I hope your DD is okay. Well done to her for telling.

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2017 16:11

SuburbanRhonda I am not suggesting the boys were intending to further assault the girl, I am saying it was motivated sexually. They are all boys and she is a girl. what other reason could there be? Seriously, do you think 6 year old boys don't know they are boys and this is a girl? Do you think they do not know the content on one's under wear is private? Knowing these two things for a group of boys to force a girl into this situation, it is sexual.

kittybiscuits · 17/01/2017 16:11

As well as concern for Hils daughter, the incidents may also raise concerns about the boys, about their boundaries and behaviour and about potential safeguarding concerns about them. Yes. They can be sexually motivated at that age.

kierenthecommunity · 17/01/2017 16:12

Its disgusting that pp are more concerned with protecting the boys reputations than protecting the girls

is that aimed at what I said? well I stand by it. no child, whatever their sex, deserves what they got up to at age 6 or 7 being held on file for a matter of public scrutiny at a later date. I'd say the same if a female child hit a male one, (or indeed touched his genitals), the child needs investigating and helping/disciplining as approprite but this is a matter for those who educate him/her NOT the police.

it my transpire one of the boys instigated this due to something that has happened at home, he needs help, not criminalising, and he deserves anonymity

or it may transpire these boys are just out of control and need a firm hand but they are still children and no one needs to know what they did when they were in year 2

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2017 16:14

Totally kitty.

Recognizing sexually motivated behaviour for what it is, is not demonizing the boys. They may be victims of sexual behaviour at home or elsewhere, may be being subjected to porn at home etc.

Recognising sexual aggression for what it is will simply allow the school to deal with it more seriously.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2017 16:18

Seriously, do you think 6 year old boys don't know they are boys and this is a girl?

When did I say that?

I disagree with everything in your post. I can't believe you think this is a sexually motivated incident.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/01/2017 16:18

kieren what do you think would be an acceptable age of seeing this as a crime or sexual? They are too young in the eyes of the law to be criminals, but even if they were old enough all young offenders receive anonymity until age 16 and depending on the crime when they turn adults its 'wiped' off their record (although I don't know where this stands on sexual crimes).

I for one believe police would be appropriate to hammer home just how unacceptable this is. A 7yo can't be arrested but it would, IMO, be beneficial to teach them that, if they were just a few years older, they would be. And you're right, it is a safeguarding issue re the boys involved and why they think this is acceptable behaviour, what could be happening in their lives that makes them think this way.

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2017 16:26

Vebrithien I am so very sorry that happened to you and it is so clear that when these things are not treated for what they are that a clear message is sent to boys that it is OK. Girls feelings, girls safely is of no importance.

This is not kiss chase, or skirt lifting. It is not even one boy corner one girl, this is a gang of boys, half a dozen aged 6 or 7 and a girl of 5.

Men who attack women don't just learn at 20 or 30 or 40 that there are few consequences for harassing women!

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2017 16:28

SuburbanRhonda it is fine to disagree with me.

What do you think is the motivation?

kierenthecommunity · 17/01/2017 16:32

kieren what do you think would be an acceptable age of seeing this as a crime or sexual?

I personally think the current legal age of 10 is about right. I've dealt with a lot of kids and that year 6/going up to high school cusp I think is about the age when they should be held criminally responsible and should know right from wrong

I don't think the police being involved to give little Jimmy firm talking to is always the right way forward. Do we want to make year 2 kids petrified of the police? There are some children at that age who are already scared of the police who may have attended at their address for a number of reasons. What if is a child who is vulnerable due to events at home? Or one whose parents are vehemently anti-police, will they back up the police ticking off anyway?

Age 10, fair play, a lot of kids that age are horible anyway Wink but these are little kids. Discipline them, yes, 100%. But police involvement is way OTT

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2017 16:34

I have no idea; in common with everyone else on here, including the OP, I do not know the boys and neither was I present when the incidents took place.

Exactly who would benefit from speculation in this situation?

kierenthecommunity · 17/01/2017 16:35

oh, their records aren't wiped at age 16 btw, any convictions would still show (although not all are disclosable) and this would probably be logged as intelligence against the boys not a crime and I wouldn't be comfortable that my child was 'known to the police' at that age

SparklyFuckingBusinessFairy · 17/01/2017 16:43

Pinning someone of the opposite sex down and demanding to look at their private bits? The boys might not consciously know it's sexual, but how can it be anything else?

SuburbanRhonda · 17/01/2017 16:45

Pinning someone of the opposite sex down and demanding to look at their private bits?

Where in the OP did it say this happened?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 17/01/2017 16:45

I'd want to know exactly how a group that big, managed to corner another child for as long as that took, without the supervisors noticing tbh. That is certainly something I'd bring to the schools attention.

Glad they are taking it seriously. I wouldn't be happy if they tried to sweep this under the carpet.

KERALA1 · 17/01/2017 16:59

Err in the op? "Pinned her down pulled her tights down and laughed at her girly bits". But that's all fine because they are 7? Not in my view. And as unpalatable as it may seem it is sexual.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/01/2017 17:05

I actually agree that 10 is an appropriate age for criminal responsibility, however I also think it's appropriate for 'crimes' like this aged under 10 to be taken seriously and recorded (in the same way an actual crime is) to see if it's a trend in our society amongst children for these types of incidents. I do think it would be appropriate for police involvement - even if it's talking to the boys/parents - but with the onus benefitting all children in the long run. I'm probably not making much sense, but I guess I'm thinking if these boys are being raised in a dangerous household, or if they're being exposed to porn for example, police involvement is appropriate. No 7yo boy (that I know of) would do this to a girl, something is likely to be going on behind the scenes in these boys' lives to make them think this behaviour is acceptable.