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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not provide food at a birthday party?!

386 replies

WobbleYourHead · 16/01/2017 22:00

DS is going to be 9 next birthday. He wants a skate party at our local roller rink. The party will be 6:15pm until 7:45pm on a Sunday night (they're fixed times for parties and this is the slot available on the date we want).
We have a limited budget and without food he could invite his whole class, friends from cubs, football etc. If we cater the party then it'd drastically limit numbers.
We plan to provide drinks for the kids and there's a cafe on site that will be open if parents want to stay.
WIBU to allow him to invite all the friends he wants and skip the catering?!

OP posts:

footballmum · 17/01/2017 06:52

It's becoming quite common at my DS's school to not provide food. He's currently in year 5 so they're all turning 10. At his party I just bought a load of crisps and chocs from Aldi and a couple of trays of their cupcakes. Cost me about £15 for 20 kids.

I think everyone knows that kids aren't really that interested in the food other than the "crap". They just want to stuff their face with chocolate and get back to whatever activity is going on.

PuntCuffin · 17/01/2017 09:32

Obviously 9 year olds can go more than 90 minutes without eating but it isn't just between 6.15 and 7.45 though. Unless everyone is living on the industrial estate, they have to travel to get there and back home again. So they have to be fed ridiculously early to eat beforehand and are then ravenous again when they get home. Or they have to eat late and probably end up late in bed when they have school the next day (or is this during a holiday time?).
I understand that it is at a fixed time etc and I am sure the kids have a great time so I would find a way to sort out the knock on effects on siblings bedtimes etc, but I would be groaning inwardly and silently cursing the parents if they invited my DS to a party like this.

Original poster

WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 09:34

Thanks for all your input especially those who read what I'd written

So it seems that I'll be OK as long as I give people warning that there's no food but some will moan anyway, sell it as a roller disco, but don't worry too much as no-one will come because it's the wrong time on a Sunday night. 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 09:39

@punt it's about 15-20 minutes max from where the majority of guests live (we live the far side of our town from where this place is so would be travelling further than most, Google maps has it at 19 minutes for us but it usually takes less time.

OP posts:

Aworldofmyown · 17/01/2017 09:54

How pricey would it be for the rink to lay on some chip baskets in the cafe? If still too much then just make sure people are aware.

I would love a skating party on a Sunday night

halcyondays · 17/01/2017 09:58

if he's going to be 9, parents aren't going to stay. So I wouldn't invite a large number as you will have to be responsible for them. I'd invite a smaller number and feed them. People do usually provide food at kids' parties.

Notso · 17/01/2017 10:05

I wouldn't expect food at a party lasting 90 mins but obviously I'm in the minority so I'd probably put something on the invitation if I were you OP.
I don't know why it's better to provide a bag of crisps, sweets or a huge cake than to say your not doing food. If my kids were invited they'd have a cooked lunch and a sandwich or something at 5.
As for people saying they wouldn't take their child, I think it's easy to decline a hypothetical party a bit different when your child is clutching the invitation and asking to go.
There was a thread full of posters saying they'd decline an invatation to a 5-7 party for 3/4 year olds as it was too late, we had one for DS3 and only a 5 or 6 out of 35 invited said they couldn't come.

CreamCrackerundertheSettee · 17/01/2017 10:07

We had a party for dd recently where the venue didn't allow food except cake. I told parents that there was no food, we provided drinks and cake, and it all went well! Just warn people in advance.

Original poster

WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 10:37

@CreamCrackerundertheSettee your username just took me right back to GCSE English... It's such a sad tale and it's impact has never left me, I could still cry now totally misses point of your reply

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 17/01/2017 12:01

I actually don't think you need to say anything on the invitation if you're doing the early party bags!

Because you're giving them food!

Borntoflyinfirst · 17/01/2017 12:08

Our ds had a football party last year (age 10). It was mid afternoon and was in an inconvenient location to feed them unless we paid way over the odds for the venue or even just a room. We decided to go no food apart from cake and sweet cones. All parents informed. No problems. Obv we provided drinks.

irregularegular · 17/01/2017 12:14

I think it's absolutely fine so long as you make it clear. As my children got older and did more activity parties there were a few where nothing was provided apart from drinks and birthday cake. Maybe some bags of crisps or something. Also depends a bit how far people have to travel to get there. Provided it's fairly close then there is no problem for people to eat before. It would be a bit too late to wait until after to eat for most 9 year olds anyway. And you want them back home on time on a SUnday.

TeenAndTween · 17/01/2017 12:16

The other option is go to a public session with fewer kids at a better time and then give them food.
But I guess the exclusive bit adds an extra bit of fun (and cost).

mytinselsinatangle · 17/01/2017 12:16

I think it's fine if you make it clear with 'drinks and cake' provided or something.

My only worry would be that some parents stay and buy food from the cafe for their kids, and you may then end up with a lot of expectant kids with no parents there.

It wouldn't bother me if you put a note on saying cafe will be open, they are welcome to bring money for food if they wish - but then I think I am quite reasonable about these things 😃

mytinselsinatangle · 17/01/2017 12:17

I also think the timings are fine for that age group!

mouldycheesefan · 17/01/2017 12:20

Part sounds totally amazing don't worry about food but put on thr invite drinks provided but not food.

Gizlotsmum · 17/01/2017 12:26

My daughter got a similar invite ( bit earlier in the day ) and I felt it was a bit cheeky ( especially as it turned out hot food wasn't available). However she went and enjoyed it...

llangennith · 17/01/2017 12:30

You really have to provide snacks and plenty of drinks as they'll get starving and very thirsty skating round even if they've eaten at home before the party. And they'll be able to smell the hot dogs or whatever from the cafe.
Costco do a pack of 36 bottles of water for less than £5 and you can probably get a box of 48 packets of crisps cheaply too.
And yes, make sure you state clearly on the invitation that you're not providing food but that the cafe will be open (check that it will!).

Twistmeandturnme · 17/01/2017 12:39

Completely normal for activity parties here, especially the later/private hire ones like yours. Just say on the invitation that drinks only will be provided and have some bottles of water.
It sounds great. Have a lovely time!

MrGrumpy01 · 17/01/2017 12:40

It's fine, just put it on the invite. Even for a 6.15pm party it means people can eat at 5/5.15, not sure why that is 'ridiculously early'

BastardBloodAndSand · 17/01/2017 12:43

OP, instead of those rubbish plastic party bags I use the brown paper lunch bags. They're much better and holds use. I'd use them and stick a few snacks in. It'll be fine.

Floralnomad · 17/01/2017 12:48

I think it sounds fine but I'd double check with the venue that you are allowed to skate for the whole time as many of these places give you 60 mins skating and 30 mins for food and that would be an issue as you'd have loads of time to kill .

Underthemoonlight · 17/01/2017 13:02

I agree I wouldn't attend a party on a Sunday I declined invites on a Sunday evening as we have younger DC to see to and it's our family time. I do expect if you're going to the effort of a party you should provide the party food especially such an activity that requires a lot of the energy it's part and parcel of hosting and the guests bring a present.

bumblingbovine49 · 17/01/2017 13:19

tbh I found food at parties a bit of a pain. If the food was served at lunchtime/dinner time DS would often come home hungry as party food is not very satisfying really and he usually was too excited/busy to eat much anyway so I would need to feed him anyway, although I could see why it had been laid on. If a party is at a time that people don't usually eat it seemed such a waste as all the sandwiches got left anyway and just the junk eaten anyway.

I would have been happy if no food was provided, as long as I was told that so I could make sure DS ate first if necessary. Some people would be upset about it though I think

mumwithatum · 17/01/2017 13:21

I have 3 kids and have at various times had kids attend parties with no food. The big issue I have had is not being told so that I can prepare. Other mums have got round it by providing a party bag with a lunch in it - sandwich crisps and a drink.
At the end of the day, what is more important? Impressing other parents by paying for a spread that their kids won't eat or your ds having all of his mates? X

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