AIBU to not provide food at a birthday party?!

[WobbleYourHead]

DS is going to be 9 next birthday. He wants a skate party at our local roller rink. The party will be 6:15pm until 7:45pm on a Sunday night (they're fixed times for parties and this is the slot available on the date we want).
We have a limited budget and without food he could invite his whole class, friends from cubs, football etc. If we cater the party then it'd drastically limit numbers.
We plan to provide drinks for the kids and there's a cafe on site that will be open if parents want to stay.
WIBU to allow him to invite all the friends he wants and skip the catering?!

I love these threads, I find it so fascinating that people lead such different lives. Love the blanket statements about mealtimes, the shocked comments about primary children being out so "late" on a Sunday night! Think I definitely inhabit a different world from some of the other posters!

Personally, I'd have no issue with the timing. Don't think it's that late for a 9yo tbh. I'd also have no issue with the lack of food, but I would want it to be clear on the invitation as we usually eat around that time and I'd expect a meal unless informed otherwise. It wouldn't be a problem for dd to eat a bit earlier as long as I knew in advance.

Don't think dd would be disappointed with the lack of food, if she had eaten already. She would appreciate a piece of cake in the party bag though. TBH, I'm really surprised at how many people think kids will "need" snacks if they're doing physical activity for 1.5 hours. DD does 1.5 hours of dance a couple of times per week and never takes a snack, nor is she hungry when she gets home. If people feel that kids can't manage without a snack, no wonder we have such a problem with childhood obesity.

It sounds like you have enough adults on hand too, with rink marshals and your additional family members.

The only concern I would have, in your shoes OP, is that I really wouldn't want to be left with a mountain of 50 presents. If I were you, I think I'd want to find a way of encouraging people not to bring gifts - maybe get your ds to choose a charity and suggest that people may wish to donate any money that they would have spent on a present on his behalf? Some people will probably bring a gift anyway, others may donate and others may not bother, but at least you wouldn't have to take a sack of presents home with you. DD only had 11 guests at her last party, and even then, some of the gifts ended up at the charity shop - I felt guilty, but what's the point of keeping stuff that they don't actually want?!

The boys will be having far too much fun ice skating to even think about food. What kid wants to put their skates on, whizz round on the rink, go take their skates off to sit eating sandwiches while they catch their breath, put the skates back on and feel pukey when they start rushing around again?

You don't need to take skates off if its right by the rink. And why would you feel pukey after eating a sandwich?

Rightly or wrongly, tradition leads people to expect kids parties to have some form of food. It's not necessary, no-one will starve, but that is hardly the point, parties are meant to be fun, not something to just endure!

Do food, don't do food, whatever, but can we stop pretending that its unreasonable to think party=food? IT's not, its normal.

it's a party that lasts 90mins at a time when alot of families have already eaten...and if not is it that hard to move your evening meal forward slightly for your child to enjoy themselves rather than you feel it's an inconvenience. I know I wouldnt hesitate to juggle something as easy as an earlier dinner round, rather than my child miss out

Yes it's a Sunday and some may feel quite late...but if your routine is that strict I hardly feel one late night (and early dinner) is going to upset routine...especially after skating...will more than likely fall straight asleep. Not exactly late for majority of 9 year olds

You just have the one kid, right? Otherwise you might have spared a thought for those of us with 2/3/4 kids, juggling babies and dinner and Sunday night routine, when its not simply a matter of letting one 9 year old have an early dinner and a late bedtime!
I'd still accomodate it, sure, but it's an awful lot of faff.

Reading brokenbiscuits comment, I just want to mention again about dc iceskating party when she turned 9. I was surprised about the number of children who had never been iceskating before, and I ended up iceskating from 1 fallen child to the next. Obviously some could get up them self but had lots of tears as well so needed help picking up. I also ended up with a child needing to be taken to hospital.

It's a roller skating party, not ice skating, and I wouldn't be surprised at the number of children who had never been before. Roller/ice rinks aren't very prevalent round here.

I agree with BrokenBiscuits about making it clear not to expect food. We tend to eat at around that time as well. Any earlier is too early for us as we aren't hungry.

In my experience watching kids at a buffet is like watching a bunch of monkeys at feeding time, stuffing food in their mouths as quick as possible so they can go back to play, food ends up everywhere. My own children always come back from parties feeling over excited and feeling sick. And yes (before someone suggests it), my kids have been brought up with strict table manners, but a party always brings out the animal in them.

I've been to many parties, my children don't act like animals at a buffet! And they don't eat to the point of feeling sick either.

Interesting, Driving. DD can't skate but has been to an ice skating party and a couple of roller skating parties. Lots of the kids were unable to skate, but I don't think there were loads of tears at any of the parties - just one girl who cried for a few minutes after falling and then got back up again. I guess it's just luck of the draw.

I do remember taking a bunch of teenagers ice skating a few years ago (not my own kids) and I ended up in A&E with one of them!

My dd (7) went to a 'cool girls' birthday party recently, some aerial dance thing where no food at all was served. She said everyone thought it was the most rubbish party ever because they were all starving and cold!

My daughter has been to later parties at soft play where only drinks and birthday were provided. I don't think it's an issue if I'm honest. These parties have become more common now. 6:15 is after my children's dinner time anyway so I'd feed them first. No problem.

It all sounds good to me.

If parents are fully informed and you provide a substantial snack and a drink in a party bag it may become the new way forward.

I think parents not realising and not feeding the children before would be wrong. Just be clear on the invite. Good plan.

Nah thats fine, its quite common around here (Cambridge) to just do cake and juice for parties. Just put it on the invites that there will be drinks and cake (if you're allowed cake).

Why does he need to have all those people at his party for goodness sake. He is 9 years old and seems to be seeking attention rather than a thought out birthday party. Ditch the numbers a bit and have a decent party. Will the children be bringing gifts? Think food especially for boys is a must.

You just have the one kid, right?

No user1484317265,

I have 3 1 DD (10) and 2 DS (6 and 3)
Yes Sundays can be a little manic sometimes with homework/roasts/baths ect ect but for one Sunday would juggle a few things round

"Otherwise you might have spared a thought for those of us with 2/3/4 kids, juggling babies and dinner and Sunday night routine, when its not simply a matter of letting one 9 year old have an early dinner and a late bedtime!"

I'm sorry, but you can't expect someone to rearrange a party because it clashes with your routine. You either work round it or say that your child can't go.

I didn't expect anyone to rearrange anything, nor did I sugggest any such thing. Please don't quote comments that you haven't actually understood.

Now I think of it, every skating party (always the French Exchange) has ended in a trip to a and e.
Their arms seem to break so easily...

If turned up to a kids party and there wasn't food I'd be fuming.

Why?
It is an invitation not a summons.
Rather than be fuming, how about you just don't let your child go?

WobbleHead - I think yes YAB (a bit)U. Personally I would invite fewer people and provide food, but that is just me. If you say that kids can buy their own, it puts pressure on parents to send in cash whether they want to or not. And what if some of the kids don't bring any money with them - not much fun for them if others are stuffing their face. But you have come up with the good solution/compromise. Provide them all with a party bag at the beginning with some snacks including a some crisps and other carbs to keep them going. And maybe have some spares. This should not cost too much money. It will be difficult for the venue to object to this. What are they going to do - go round all the kids and demand they hand them in! And as other posters have said, just make it clear on the invite that some light party snacks and drinks will be provided but that you recommend that they have their dinner before they come. Lets face it, most kids don't want sandwiches and proper stuff at a party anyway but most do need some sustenance if they are being active for an hour or so. You don't want to end up with loads of hungry kids falling out and/or getting stroppy. Hope it all turns out well.

Jeez, if her child's class has 50 kids in I'd be writing to Ofsted

Erm, my childrens classes have 60 children. Split over two rooms but they constantly switch!

YABU....you can't advertise it as a party and not even provide snacks. Party does = food. At least crisps and sweets as others have suggested. Personally I wouldn't advertise it as a party....you're basically just paying for a whole lotta kids to go skating. You will just end up with lots of grumpy hungry children and a reputation for being tight.

Fuming is wildly over-reacting. Mildly miffed, perhaps. Vaguely bemused. A tiny touch perturbed. But fuming?

Just because birthday parties usually include food, doesn't mean they have to!

Absolutely fine not to, as long as that's clear on the invitation, so parents can plan accordingly.

I think it's lovely to be so inclusive.